D×T&J

Chapter 3:Cats are known for parodies

Darkness overtook all surroundings. Only one ray of light shone through the darkness.

Tom:Ghosts...

That ray of light formed a bubble on a surface. Shadows entered the bubble and imitated a form classical to a ghost.

That is, a semi circlular form with an weavy end down with two holes for eyes. The shadow mived through the bubble of light.

Tom:Apparitions! Demons! Devils!

The shadow changed forms. Now it appaeared as a full circle with horn and a famged mouth inside said circle.

Tom:Folklore tales have been passed down from generation to generation through the world. Many find similarities within these tales. Some...May say that they could all be the very same.

Jerry:Yeah, yeah...

Light shone once again as Jerry's disinteresed tone resonated. Tom's hands, which were entagled together with an impossible elasticity for said limbs, were pulled apart.

They fingers streched a bit and when it looked like they'd broke, they were simply entangled. Tom let out a huff, dissatisfied with the abrupt end of his shadow puppet show.

Jerry:Just admit you made a mistake and let the poor girl out.

Raynare:Now, let's think about that.

About an hour has passed since Rias's teleportation inside of Issei's room and Tom's startled scream, followed by sucking the devil heiress inside an vacuum cleaner. However, they didn't just sat around in silence.

Raynare had given her a brief summary about the main Three Faction and their current state of a cold war. She also mentioned that the girl Tom trapped inside the vacuum cleaner was an pretty important figure in the Devil Faction.

Raynare:That puppet show was also very innacurate, buy the way.

Jerry:Look, I get that you don't like that girl very much. But we still need to resolve this. Keeping her trapped in there would only bring more troubles.

Raynare:Well, it's not just that...You see, I may or may not be in this city on some, let's say...Less than legal terms. That one is one of the two heiresses overseeimg Kuoh and is one that most often deals with supernatural treats to the city. As much as I dread to say, I don't feel safe confrontimg her when fully capable of defending myself. And seeing as I can't escape from this rope for some reason...

Tom:Well, we'll just have to deal with that if it happens then.

Raynare:You really are that confident?

Tom:Heh, we faced worse.

Tom flexed his arms as his intire body became large and muscilar, but his head remained the same. What Raynare found even weirder was that his clothes seemed to change alongside him.

Jerry leaped towards his arch-rival and stabbed Tom's right arm with a neddle. Air was let out as Tom's form deflated, returning to his skinny self.

Jerry:Okay, tough guy. Just get on with it. We'll see what we're dealing with.

Tom:Hey! If life taught me one thing, it's that it doesn't matter how big, fast or strong something is. Anything can be taken down with enough TNT!

Jerry:Fair enough.

Tom opened the container of the vacuum cleaner and tried to take the sack out. However, it wouldn't budge.

Tom:I can't take it out. Something big seems to have stuck it in...It must be her boobs.

Issei:They're really nice boobs!

Tom nodded along, agreeing with Issei. Jerry stuck his hand against his own face, dragging it down at it streched a bit like plastiline, but quickly reformed itself.

Really, that was the best contribution Issei could give right now. He was really out of his league right now.

At the very least, he was alive and well physically. Mentally and emotionally...Not so much.

Issei was much more perverted than the norm. But beside that, he was an normal teenage boy.

He dealt with the animosity of the Kendo Club, and that was still scary in it's own way. Issei didn't have to deal with someone actually intending to kill him.

And his attempted killer was also the girl that invited him on a date, the first girl to show such an interes towards him. That only made things worse.

He'd still like a girlfriend, but...It's probably gonna be a long time until he tries to get one.

Said attempted killer also happened to be an fallen angel, which proved the existence of the supernatural. And his saviors were living cartoons.

So, yes, Issei was experiencing different layers of exinstencial crisis. Naturally, he fell back on his perversion.

After all, his perversion was what made him bounce back from all those beatings from the Kendo Club! Ah, although his perversion also lead to more beatings.

Raynare:...You know what, I take back what I said. Do whatever you want. This situation became so stupid that I'd rather be dead right now.

Jerry:Come on, Tom. I'm sure you can think of something. You're not as stupid as you look.

Tom:Hey!

Tom turned away with a huff. He then scratched his chin, thinking of an alternative solution.

An idea struck him. He snapped his fingers in a sudden inspiration of genius as he proccured an stick out of nowhere.

He struck the stick in the vacuum, like one would use to clean a chimmy. And then, he kicked the body of the vacuum cleaner.

A bulge traveled through the tube of the vacuum cleaner. A red blur was shot out.

Said red blur so happened to be Rias, who smashed against a wall in her way out. The red headed girl let out a small groan as she slowly opened her eyes.

She wasn't in her best state to say the least. She was dizzy and covered in dust to boot.

As her eyes opened she got a clear view of Raynare. Beimg almost knocked up and the first thing she saw being an fallen angel, her fight or flight instinct kicked in.

And Rias was known to be a very stubborn girl. Even for someone that was both a devil and an teenager.

So, like most of the time, she choose fight. Rias quickly sat on her feet, magic circles flashing as her hands glew an omnious dark crimson.

Raynare:I take it back! I take it back! I want to live! I was wrong!

However, Rias's magic was suddenly cut short. She was once again captured, held above the floor by wires that suddenly appeared and tied her up.

Tom:Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right.

Rias was left staring at Tom, the cat turned humanoid now wearing an jacked with pink feathers and pink sunglasses. Her head hanged low.

Rias:You...You...

Rias then hrld her head high, staring at Tom. There was a wide smile on her face and stars seemed to shine in her eyes.

Rias:You just made an One Piece reference!