Peace In the Chaos (On Hold)

18

Taking in a deep breath, she steeled herself for the inevitable wave of vulnerability that would wash over her as she prepared to take the next step. This step could potentially lead to a catastrophe, a consequence she was acutely aware of. However, she found solace in the fact that the person she was taking this step for was deserving of her trust and affection. His consistent display of respect, care, and love towards her had created a profound sense of belonging within her, motivating her to proceed with her decision.

With determination, she turned around swiftly and nestled into the comforting embrace of his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. Siddhant, too, experienced a surge of emotions as he felt his heart react in ways he had never experienced before. A mixture of excitement and calmness washed over him, engendering a newfound addiction to the novel sensations she effortlessly evoked in him.

Initially met with a lack of response from Siddhant, she hesitated momentarily, prepared to retract from the intimate gesture. However, just as she was about to withdraw, she felt a gentle, warm touch on her back, emanating from the person she held - her husband.

"I am sorry to have caused so much worry", he heard her speak and he wished to interrupt her but didn't. He let her speak.

"I know I am not an easy person to deal with and the big part of it is played by my being mute to the expression of how I feel, just opposite of how you are, who wears his heart on his sleeve. But I am scared of doing that. I am scared that no one will understand what I am feeling and it will only be made joke because this is what has happened to me", she began, trying to make him understand that her reaction though very terse was of the certain things she has learned and over the time those things have internalized themselves in her, without her permission. 

"I was not angry at you. I can never be. You have just been good to me, too good for someone like me who is just a mess, a mess that no one should care about. Actually....I felt guilty and probably something I couldn't put my finger on. When Shreya, at the party, mentioned her wanting to marry you, I felt guilty because I believe she is perfect for someone like you who is perfect himself and also I felt bad thinking....that if you would have...you wouldn't have been mine."  She let out, and realized how relieved and at ease she felt after talking out the heaviness of her......heart?

Siddhant was feeling a mix of emotions at that moment - stunned, amazed, and also angry at what she had said. He was stunned and amazed to realize that she considered him as belonging to her, accepting him in a way that he hadn't expected. Yet, at the same time, he was angry at how she seemed to disregard herself, failing to understand her importance to him. His choice of her was clear, and thus her cold demeanor towards him left him feeling like he was losing his mind.

As his feelings for her deepened each day, he found himself getting more protective of her, despite the turmoil it brought to his heart when she was near. The closeness they shared in that moment made him feel like he was on the edge of losing control. It was a whirlwind of emotions, and Siddhant felt like he was being pulled in every direction.

"Did you not hear what I said at that party? You heard every other word but not the words that I uttered where I clearly mentioned, that it is you who is my wife, it is you whom I have chosen to be my partner and it is you who I want to spend the next 30-40 and even 50 years of my life?" he asked her, reprimanding her in the process. She did. She heard him but her overthinking mind only kept its decryption only to the pessimism. 

"Huh?" His voice was tender as he asked again, gently tugging her closer to him, erasing every bit of distance between them, and she found herself yielding to his wishes. The sensation of his warm touch against her quivering skin was nothing like the usual repulsion she had grown accustomed to; instead, it brought a sense of serenity to her soul. The broad expanse of his palm, resting on her back, emitted a comforting heat that slowly melted away the icy chill she had been carrying. Every breath he exhaled, brushing against her forehead, felt like the most delicate caress, sending ripples of sensitivity through every pore and cell of her being.