love, gloves, and grace. | a.f.i

three.

NEW YORK CITY
TWO YEARS AGO

ELLIE DAVIS.

i stare out the small window of the doctors office, watching people go about their day. walking to work, to school, or back home.
i pick at my cuticles, keeping my eyes fixated on the sidewalk below the building preparing myself for the news i might receive.

the quiet whirring of the fluorescent lights cause my head to throb. i had been poked and prodded for months now and i just wished it would end, i couldn't take it anymore.
it was such a defeating feeling knowing that i was likely never going to be able to dance again. i'd never stand on that stage, i would never be able to live my dream.

"ms.davis" the doctors walks in with a warm smile, holding what i assume my file in his hand. "how are you doing today?" he reaches out to take my hand in a firm handshake.

"i'm fine."

oh god. i was going to be sick.
just get it over with. rip the bandaid.

"i'm dr.smith" he pulls out the small rolling stool and takes a seat and begins flipping through my file.
"well, good news and bad news ms.davis"

my stomach drops, my palms were dripping with sweat and my mouth was dry.
"bad news first?" he looks up at me through his glasses.
i nod, i can't bring myself to speak.

he removes his glasses, leaning against the table and inhales. "i hate to tell you this but it seems that you have two herniated discs."

that's it. my career is over.

"good news, it's fixable..and you said you danced right?"
i nod, looking at him. maybe the sadness is obvious on my face, "ballet." he removed his glasses and gave me a sympathetic look.
he sighs, slightly shaking his head.

"i don't think you'll ever be able to dance the same again, ms.davis."

12:34pm.

i push the cart, leaning my elbows against the handles as jude trails in front of me. she had prompted me to go out for a 'girls' day, but she was just taking me out to look at furniture because she said my apartment was 'a loud cry for help' in her words.

"and it was just open?" she asks, looking at the selection of coffee tables in front of her.
"yeah"

jude was a woman of many words, she could take nothing and make it into a conversation that lasts hours. it was something i loved and hated about her.
i just barely mentioned what happened the night before and she was talking my ear off about it.

"did he catch you? did he explain the blood?" her questions pour out like a cloud and i sigh.
"no, jude. i told you everything that happened."

1:33am

i sit in the hallway with my back pressed up against the wall and legs crossed as the large dog finds its way in my lap and rests his head on my lap. my hands find the tattered black collar around its neck.

'diesel
if found please return to ashton irwin.
***-***-****'

"diesel" i say softly, dropping the tag to run my hand on his head. he looks up at me, as if he was asking me if i knew where his owner was.
"he'll show up soon." i smile, patting him gently.

i sit there for a while, the faint buzzing of the fluorescent lights filling in the silence until it's broken by a pair of foot steps climbing the stairs.