love, gloves, and grace. | a.f.i

four.

seattle, washington. 7:39am

ELLIE DAVIS

my face twists as i look in the mirror, pulling my leg behind me to stretch my quads. i keep my breathing steady no matter how tight my legs were.
between work and school i had gotten lazy with my stretches and exercises, it made it hard to work at the studio.

after my diagnosis i did a year and a half of physical therapy in hopes that maybe one day id dance again. but i knew it wouldn't be the same.
i know for a fact ill never be able to have high leg again, or move like i used to. but i can still teach.

i love teaching, i love watching the little ones learn and grow with each session. some of the older kids i teach are also incredible. i can only hope they don't suffer the same fate i did.

i was good. i was very good.

and i would do anything possible to prove my doctors that i could be on that stage again. that i could be just as good as i used to be.

i deserved that.

i'm pulled from my thoughts when i notice a figure behind me.

you've got to be kidding me.

i release my leg, walking over to my duffle bag to grab some water and just watch.

ashton was on the opposite side of the gym, dressed clad in black basketball shorts, the same black tank top i saw him in the other night, boxing gloves, and nikes.

i guess he didn't see me, his eyes narrowed on the bag in front of him. throwing punch, after punch. a fire burned behind his eyes, but i couldn't tell if it was anger or something else.

i watch as his movements slow down, he eventually walks away from the bag and removes his headphones. and grabs a mixer bottle from his duffle bag.

i chuckle to myself, twisting the cap of my tumblr close and drop it back into my bag. "the bag is innocent, champ" i tease, trying to be nice.

except, i get no response from him. he simply looks at me through his eyelashes and puts his headphones back on before returning to beating the crap out of the bag.

tough crowd.

i reach for my headphones to drown out the noise then return my focus to the balance beam in front of me, my hand bracing my weight.

i closed my eyes, letting the soft music fill my senses as i extended my leg high above my head in a perfect passé. the familiar burn in my muscles felt comfortingly familiar. but as i lingered in the position, i felt a twinge in my lower back, like a little jolt of electricity.

"dammit," i muttered under my breath, wincing slightly.

not now. please not now.

new york. 9:23pm

i inhale, taking beginning position behind the curtains. my heart pounded wildly in my chest as the velvet curtains are pulled back, the bright lights of the spotlight searing my tired eyes.

the familiar adrenaline surged through my veins as i prepared to perform the most important number of my life.
each leap, twirl, and extension was executed with unwavering focus, every muscle in my body working in perfect harmony. the audience's watchful gaze was like a weight upon my shoulders, but i pushed through the exhaustion, determined to give the performance of my life.

i gritted my teeth, the pain in my lower back threatening to consume all my thoughts. it was becoming unbearable, each movement agony. every leap, every twirl, was a battle against the torment, but i forced myself to push through.

my career depended on this opportunity. i had practiced extensively, poured my heart and soul into perfecting the routine.

but the pain was becoming too much to bear.

mid through my performance, the agony became intolerable, and i was forced to stop.
my body collapsed on the stage and the audience gasped, sensing something was wrong.

in an instant, the curtains shut and a swarm of people come to my side. the wind is knocked from my lungs, pain too intense i can't breathe. i look up, spotting my teacher. "i ruined it.." i try to get out but my voice is strained.

"no, no you didn't ruin it.." the older lady coos, crouching down beside me and places a supporting hand on the small of my back where the pain resides.

i wince, dropping my head to the stage floor almost in a fetal position. "oh god..." i cry, my hands balling in fists. "what have i done..?" i look up, pushing myself upright to face her.

"you did magnificent, ellie. there is nothing you could've done." she cooed. her free hand gently caresses my cheek, wiping away the tears.

annabelle helps me to my feet, holding my waist as we get backstage. i'm sat down in my dressing room, tears streaming down my face.

i had been so careful, so sure i wasn't going to have a flare up. i had followed doctors orders, i took my medication, i did the therapy.

why? out of all days why the most important one of my career?

i take the bottle my teacher was handing me and take a sip. "i'm so sorry, anna.." my bottom lip quivers, dropping the bottle to my lap while looking up at her.

"do not apologize, dear." she smiles sympathetically, her hand reaching out for mine. "there is. no reason for apologies. you did nothing."

i shake my head, squeezing her hand. "i...let you down." i sniffle. annabelle shakes her head, but i see in her eyes. despite her words, i know deep down she's disappointed.
"you could never let me down, ellie. we will get it figured out. we will fix this."  her thumb gently grazes my knuckles before pulling me into a hug.

"it'll be fine, ellie."

present day

the pain was all too familiar, it radiates down my hips to my legs making my knees buckle. i brace myself by grabbing the beam in front of me, my left hand reaching around and gently massaging my lower back.

the pain comes and goes often. some days worse than others, especially if i haven't been keeping up with my workout routine.
i wince, shifting my weight from one leg. and once i was steady i remove my headphones and toss them towards my duffle bag. "shit.." i mutter, hissing through my teeth.

i stand there taking deep breaths to regulate my body, trying to see if the pain would subside enough for me to make it back upstairs.

the last thing i need to do is cause a scene.

i move slightly, turning to grab my duffle bag but another wave of pain comes, hitting me again in the lower back like a baseball knocking me off balance.
it hasn't flared up in so long, what was happening.

"are you okay?" i look up, the neighbor approaches me as he pushes his headphones to the side and stands a few feet in front of me.

"mhm" i hum, still holding onto the balance beam. my eyes meet his, he takes another step closer.
"can you walk?"

"i think so" i look away from him, keeping one hand on my lower back as i walk towards the corner where my duffle bag rests.

i can feel him trail behind me as i bend down to pick up the bag. i wince, taking in a deep breath before standing back up.

"i'm fine" i say, forcing a smile.
"you're not" he says, keeping his eyes fixed on me.

"let me help you back to your place, at least."