Fallout: Equestria, Project Horizons

Chapter 69: Whiplash

Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons
By Somber
Chapter 69: Whiplash

"Well, just tell me what you really think. Tell me, tell me, tell-me-tell-me-tell-me!"

There were no words. I sat there, hollow, cracking inside like glass. She stormed up to me. "Get out! Get out! Get out!" she yelled over and over again. I couldn't move. Couldn't think. She looked at the bowl of soggy cereal and flipped it into my face. "You think you can come here and pretend to be her!?" Tepid milk and cereal sloshed down my chest.
"Glory..." I murmured.
"No! You don't get to speak! I don't... I can't..." She shoved me and the chair right over. "Get out! Leave! Don't you ever come back!"
But I couldn't go. I just sat there, a white lump dripping sugary milk. "Glory."
She sobbed, drew her gun, and pressed it to my forehead. "I'll kill you," she slurred around the mouthgrip.
I just sat there, feeling the barrel underneath my horn. I actually smiled and lifted my eyes to look into her anguished purple ones. "You're the only one allowed to hurt me," I rasped ever so faintly. I supposed that extended to killing, too. Her jaw shook on the grip. "Glory. I've been... I've been a very... very... bad pony." And I smiled up at her as I wept. "Please, Glory."
Her shaking stilled, but her eyes hardened. She holstered the gun. "Oh. I see what's going on here. You're the substitute? To handle me and my gross biological needs?" My smile faded as she stepped back. "Get. Out. I don't need you, and I don't need Blackjack." She pointed imperiously to the door with a wing.
"What?" I asked weakly.
"Like you don't know," she spat with contempt, then added in a mocking tone, "If you can't restrain your carnal impulses, I'll just find a stand-in to handle your biological needs." She gritted her teeth, fresh tears running down her cheeks. She sat hard and just covered her eyes with a wing. "Just... go. Go somewhere else. Anywhere else."
Had Cognitum sabotaged our relationship intentionally, or just in cold, cruel callousness? "Glory... that wasn't me..."
"Stop! I don't... I am so sick of Blackjack! Of everything!" she said, shaking her head. "Do you have any idea how hard I worked trying to find a way to reach her? And then she returns and... and she's... go!"
But I couldn't go. I couldn't do anything close to leave. "Glory, that isn't me."
Still not listening. "She talked to me like I was nothing. Like when I try to help her she says I'm of no use to her now! Like... like everything we'd done together was just..." she said as she paced back and forth.
Now it was my turn. I rose up on my hindlegs and lunged at her. Thank goodness she didn't still have Rainbow Dash's body, or she probably would have tossed me through the wall this time. She fell back, and I landed on top of her. There was one brief moment when I thought I'd get through to her. Maybe a kiss would seal the deal. I pressed my lips to hers, closing my eyes, trying to will her to realize it was me. For a moment, I was pretty sure it had even worked.
For a moment. Then her hoof slammed like a hammer to my nethers, and she shoved me off to the side. I curled up, pain temporarily overwhelming my brain. Glory rose. "I told you, I don't want a replacement," she said coolly as she drew her pistol again, this time to turn me into far less annoying dust.
I'd often wondered when the Wasteland would break me. I suddenly wondered if this was when it would break Glory instead.
Then the door opened again, and P-21 trotted in with Scotch Tape on his back. "Hey Glory," the filly said. "You won't believe who we ran-" And then she actually took in the scene before her. "What the hay is going on here?"
Apparently Glory wasn't comfortable with killing me in front of a minor. "It's just... she's just..." Lost for words, she finally just kicked me as I lay there curled up and hurting. "Get out of here. I don't want a stupid impostor. I don't want to hear how much you love love love Security. I especially do not care if Blackjack sent you herself. Just go." Somehow, the second kick hurt worse than the first.
P-21 set Scotch Tape down, trotting towards me with a frown. "Not a very good Blackjack impersonator, is she?" Scotch commented, looking me up and down. "Didn't do the eyes right, and not even a cutie mark decal."
But P-21 still didn't say anything. I just gazed at him with tears in my eyes. I couldn't convince her. I'd thought Cognitum had taken everything from me; I'd hadn't realized just how right I was. A former enemy, Whisper, had accepted my identity more readily than the mare I loved. How sick was that? And if Whisper had met Cognitum and a few impostors with good intentions before I showed up, would she even have believed me? Was I even Blackjack anymore? Maybe there was a good reason I didn't have my cutie mark.
Something cool and glassy bumped up against my temple, and I raised my eyes to see a purple healing potion held by P-21. "Here. Brewed this morning. I know how bad it hurts to be kicked like that, Miss..."
"Go Fish," I muttered, taking the bottle and sniffing, then drinking it. Immediately, the throbs to my pelvis diminished significantly. I rose, having no idea where I'd go next, but I couldn't stay here. I wasn't wanted here.
P-21's eyes ran over me again, and he gave a little half smile. "Funny. That's her actual name. Security, I mean." Glory was talking with Scotch Tape over by the door about... something. I was too crushed to care. I wanted to teleport away then and there, but I met his gaze. It was searching for... something...
"I know. I am her. It's me, P-21. I'm Blackjack," I said miserably. Scotch Tape perked an ear and looked over at us.
"Oh, Goddesses, it's another crazy one, isn't it?" she said in annoyance. "That's the third one this month. At least it's a mare. Remember that stallion one? Or the alicorn?"
"I try not to," P-21 said with a frown, still not looking away from me. "She couldn't decide if she was Blackjack, Twilight Sparkle, Trixie, or Princess Celestia."
"Bwackjack?" a mare said from the still-open door, and then a white head popped out over Glory's, pale eyes blinking as she stared at me. Suddenly her mouth split in an ear to ear grin. "Bwackjack!" And she bounded right at me, bowling Glory over in her rush to my side. The pale blank looked very much as she had when we'd parted, though her white coat was far dirtier and scratched up and she had sticks and dead grass stuck to her mane. "Ish you! Ish weally weally you!" she said as she lunged at me and wrapped her hooves around my neck, hugging me tightly. "Youw all wight!"
"No no no, Boo! That's not Blackjack. I told you back in Chapel. It's another fake," Scotch Tape said as she tried to tug one of the legs off my neck. "Geeze, she wasn't even close to this clingy with that other one!"
Boo glared flatly back at Scotch Tape. "This is Bwackjack! See?" she said, hooking her forehooves to my head and shoving my face at the filly, her pale hooves stretching my face in a leering grimace. Scotch Tape recoiled, and Boo yanked me back in a tight embrace. "Dizcord say yous gonna get out, and he was right!"
"Discord?" P-21 asked with a baffled frown.
"Mhmmm! Dizcord was in muh head and tellin' me what I needed ta do while Bwackjack was dealin' with da bad computer thingy," she said with a beaming smile as she looked me over.
"But... that's not Bwackjac... er, Blackjack!" Scotch Tape said with a flush.
"Ish too!" Boo said with a roll of her pale eyes. She patted me on the head. "Unca Dizcord said the bad 'puter thingy was gonna do swapsies and he was gonna get her to swap somethin' else and I needed ta get Bwackjack's thingies!" She undid her saddlebag and shook it sharply.
From it tumbled a few pistols, black barding, a half dozen little statuettes, Penance, and the bizarre Perceptitron thingy. Instantly a half dozen little mares popped into my head with a baffling rolling chatter of asking me where I was, what was going on, props for me not being all dead and stuff, and if I was doing okay. A great wave of confidence washed through me as pieces of my life and the statuettes returned to me. Wonderful as that sensation was, though, it was secondary to that of lifting up Vigilance and looking at all those names inscribed on the handle. There was mine at the bottom, and I cradled it to my chest. "Thank you, Boo," I murmured.
"No prowblem!" Boo beamed. "Unca Dizcord said you'd be saddy waddy without your swaggy waggy... whatever dat means," she added with her own look of bafflement.
Glory stared at me and the pale mare. "But it... that's... it's impossible!" Glory sputtered. "She knew things. Intimate things that only you knew about, Blackjack! She could fight like you! We watched her take apart three Brood like they were nothing."
"But did she whine and angst about it?" I shot back, making her blink and frown, chewing her bottom lip. Add another little chink of doubt. I'd just keep laying them on till she cracked. "She must have copied my memories when she transferred me," I guessed. Add those to the messed up memories she swiped from Luna and any other lingering remnants and I guessed there was one pretty crazy mare in my body.
"Copied your memories? Transferred you? What are you talking about?" Yes! This was it! My chance! I took a deep breath and spilled everything. Everything about the Core and being too scared and confused to move, then finding Rampage and everything that followed. I then started rambling about how I'd screwed up and should have left the Core and found her and made sure everything was okay but I'd been tricked and how I wanted to be with her for as long as I could and P-21 too and we'd have lots of babies between the three of us and maybe Tenebra and Stygius and-
She rammed her wing into my mouth, and I came out of my frantic state. Glory just stared at me, her cheeks flaming red. Behind her, P-21 and Scotch Tape looked on, the former arching his brows with a mild smile and the latter with her eyes wide with shock. "It sure sounds like Blackjack," P-21 said languidly.
"Well... I saw Blackjack before the Tower exploded... and... it's just too ridiculous and..." Glory stammered, then scowled at me, narrowing her eyes. "Who's Tenebra?"
I spat out gray feathers and gave a sheepish look, tapping my hooves together. "Stygius's sister," I said meekly. "Really cute. Kinda needy in the attention department. Would be really fun in a threeway though. Or four way, if you're game, P-21. Or fiveway, if Stygius joins in." She stared at me, eyes locked wide. "Of course, just you and me for a while is great too!" I blurted.
"What am I, chopped lettuce?" Scotch Tape huffed, crossing her forehooves. "Never get invited to any of the good parties. Might as well be back in the stable," she muttered with a pout.
P-21 just chuckled. "It's Blackjack. It has to be. No impersonator could be that bad."
"Thank you!" I said, springing on him, wrapping my hooves around his neck, and kissing him as hard as I could. My brain caught up ten seconds later and I drew back, afraid I'd pissed him off. To my joy and surprise, though, he merely looked happy to see me. I nearly kissed him again right there on the spot.
"But wait! Wait! What about Rampage? She vouched for her," Glory said with a little frown. She threw her hooves in the air. "This is just insane."
"Again-" P-21 started evenly.
"Blackjack!" Scotch squealed with glee while jumping forward to give me a hug, cutting him off. He smiled and patted her on the head before turning back to Glory.
"Exactly. Now, why don't we give her a chance to explain... calmly." Glory still looked skeptical, but she nodded.
For the third time today, I explained everything that had happened from the implosion of the tower to now, filling in everything I'd rushed over before. Boo jumped in here and there, mostly providing dramatic reenactments, with sound effects, of the fight with the Legate. Glory asked questions about Professor Zodiac and how and why I had a new blank body. P-21 asked more about Cognitum. Scotch Tape wanted to know more about the batponies. Two hours later, I nursed a Sparkle-Cola and a developing headache. Three of the four ponies present were deep in thought.
Boo, for her part, was building a tower of snack cakes, singing, "Snack cake shtack-up, shnack cake shtack-uuuuuup!"
It was a welcome disturbance to the awkward silence. Glory seemed completely at a loss, and I couldn't blame her. "Okay. My turn," I said at last. "Tell me what's happened since Cognitum showed up."
P-21 regarded the others before answering. "Well, it was quite abrupt, actually. We were all set to enter the Core and find you, when suddenly you- I mean, her, Rampage, and a shellshocked stallion all came out. Like she knew exactly where to find us and what we were doing."
"You- ugh, she was really bitchy, Blackjack. Like... I've seen you whiny, but I've never seen you mean. She was mean. And as soon as she trotted out, she walked right up to those Harbingers, told them she'd assumed command, and they just... accepted it," Scotch Tape said with a frown. "I expected them to shoot her up a little at least."
"We talked to her alone," Glory said in a small voice. "She answered enough questions to prove she was Blackjack, but when we wanted to talk some more, find out what had happened, she said Project Horizons was going to go off and she needed to stop it. Told me to keep my biological urges in check or wait till she could get me a replacement."
"Then she blew us off when we said we were going to help her. 'Best way you can help is to follow me and stay out of my way,' she said," P-21 said with a frown.
"Honestly, she could have given the Overmare lessons," Scotch Tape said absently. For a few seconds P-21 stared away from Scotch Tape, his jaw clenched and a dark fury simmering in his eyes.
"And you thought that was me?" I asked, a little incredulous.
"Blackjack, you've been gone for months! Last time I saw you, you had more metal than flesh, and for all I knew, something had been put in your brain. It wouldn't have surprised me!" Glory snapped, then flushed again.
Scotch Tape stared at Glory, then back at me and came to her rescue. "And Rampage was there, vouching for 'Blackjack'. She was pretty mean too, though. I mean, she's been rude, but... I seriously think she'd have hurt me if she wanted."
"We were confused, Blackjack," P-21 said, drawing a deep breath and recovering. "We didn't know what to believe. And there are impersonators of you and other heroes all over the place now. Some are doing it to try and exploit a famous name, but others are fanatical admirers or just plain crazy."
Glory closed her eyes. "One came here; said she'd had her body surgically restored. She really believed she was you and not some damned raider whose whole family was wiped out by Enclave. Took two days before that story fell apart." Her cheeks burned even more as she rubbed her mane.
"She got you in bed, didn't she?" I asked with a grin. That must have been two days I was watching somepony else through the Perceptitron. Really, how much could you watch other ponies going through their daily routines before dying of boredom?
Wrong question to ask. She immediately burst into tears, covering her eyes with her hooves. "I'm sorry! You'd been gone so long, and... she seemed really convincing and... I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
I watched her sob for several seconds, glanced over at P-21 and Scotch Tape, and they gave a pair of matching shrugs. "I forgive you, Glory," I said, trying to keep my voice as even and uncondescending as I could. "You love me and so you had sex with a version of me. No big deal."
"No big..." Glory stammered, her face streaked with tears. "I cheated on you, Blackjack. I let myself cheat on you. I fell for a cheap fake."
"And I forgive you," I said as I trotted over to her, put an arm around her shoulders, and pulled her in closer. "I don't care that you had sex with somepony else. What I care is that you're happy. That's it. That is all that matters to me. So I forgive you." So please stop with the weird surfacer hangups about sex, because it's really weird.
She melted against me, burying her face in my mane. "Oh Blackjack, it is you," she sighed.
That was all I needed to hear. That phrase in her voice in that tone made everything that I'd lost somehow manageable again. I swept her up in my hooves and gave her a kiss she properly deserved. After so long apart, nothing would ever separate us again. An eternity, and far too short a time, later, we parted, and Glory and I beheld the amused smirk of Scotch Tape, the delighted smile of Boo, and the calm nod of P-21. She blushed but snuggled up against me. "What now?"
"Okay," I said with a small frown. There was a large list in my head. And, oddly enough, sexytimes with Glory kept aggressively, passionately bumping up on it, over and over, warm and wet and... um, I mean, later. Right. "Velvet Remedy and the Zodiacs are getting word out that the other Security is a fake and that I'm the real Blackjack. Everypony is going to be meeting at Blueblood Manor to discuss what to do next." As much as I wanted to strap on the operative barding and go and take back my old body, I couldn't be reckless. This was bigger than me, and I knew what my old body could do. Cognitum wouldn't hold back when I came to reclaim it.
"Blueblood Manor? You know it's a ruin now, right?" Scotch Tape asked.
"Well... yeah. But it's neutral ground and it's big and open enough for a lot of ponies to meet up there," I said with a semi-sheepish smile. "What. It's got a ballroom, right?"
"That had a tank drive through it," Scotch Tape countered, then frowned. "Oh, yeah. About tanks, you might want to talk with Deus. I don't speak tank, but the whole drive here from the Society, he was acting weird. Like drifting into ditches and stuff."
"He is pretty big," Glory pointed out.
"Yeah, but he doesn't just wander off the road, or didn't the last time we rode on him," Scotch Tape said. "I don't know if he's sick or if there's something bothering him, but something's wrong." She surveyed me, P-21, and Glory, then rolled her eyes a little. "Anyway, I'll go up to the manor. Maybe there's some corner that's undamaged enough for us to use. Come on, Boo. Let's give them some privacy."
"Awww, but I just got back! I wanna stay with Bwackjack!" Boo protested with a pout.
"Trust me. They're just going to be talking about love... um... and mushy stuff," Scotch Tape said, pushing the blank towards the door.
Boo grinned. "Awww. Bwackjack and Glory sitting in a tree... wait... Bwackjack and Twent... uh..." Boo blinked at the three of us. "Who's gonna be kissin' who with three of 'em?"
"Probably all of the above. Now come on. I think that Charity got her hooves on some of those chocolate-packed Fancy Buck Cakes from the Society," Scotch Tape said with a smile. That perked Boo right up, and the pair departed, leaving me with the two most important ponies in my life.
"I've got one other thing to tell you," I said, holding Glory as I looked to P-21 soberly. Much as kissing sounded absolutely awesome, there were other things I needed to talk about first. I shifted us over to the couch in the living room and bowed my head. "I'm pregnant."
P-21 arched an eyebrow in surprise, and Glory flushed. "Um... didn't you just get that body, Blackjack?" At least she smiled when she asked it.
"Not in this body," I said with a roll of my eyes. "In my old body." Then I glanced at P-21. "And I'm pretty sure that it's yours."
Both their smiles disappeared. P-21 wore an inscrutable look on his face. "I mean, there's a small chance it's Stygius's. I don't know exactly when my implant got mistaken for a bullet, but I think odds are that you're the father."
"Something I seem to excel at," he said, glancing at his cutie mark. "I wonder, if you took this off, if I'd have a sperm underneath it."
I gave him a hug, and though he stiffened, he didn't pull away. "That's nowhere near all you are. But the reason why I bring it up is because it's why we can't just kill my old body."
"Blackjack! Would you really?" Glory said, looking a little hurt.
"In a heartbeat," I answered, staring right into her purple eyes. "Which I happen to have again." Now she tensed and looked away, but I took her hoof. "I'm not angry with you anymore for what you did. You saved my life, Glory. You kept me fighting. Thank you. But life as part machine..." I shook my head. "It isn't as good a life as you might imagine. Much as I hate Cognitum for what she did, I have to admit, she did me a favor keeping this spare around. I can feel your hoof, Glory. I can feel you. You don't know what that's like," I said as I stroked her cheek.
Finally, she gave a little smile and nuzzled me back. "I'll have to go easier on you next time we're together. I wouldn't want to scar you up so soon."
"Knowing my life, that won't take long," I said, then glanced at P-21. He still looked distracted and troubled. "What I need to know," I continued to Glory, "is how long do you think the fetus will be viable in that body."
Glory's eyes widened. "I have no idea. Your pelvis wasn't as heavily reinforced as your spine since the bones are so large, but... If I have to estimate... four or five months. After that, cross bracing will start to crush the uterine wall, and then..." She shook her head.
"Then we're going to need a surrogacy spell. I can't carry the fetus. Blank bodies... well... even though they're a copy, the plumbing down there doesn't really... work." Now it was my turn to bite my lower lip. I looked at Glory, but she could neither cast such a spell nor be a suitable surrogate. It was supposed to be as close a relation as I could find... I'd need a unicorn, at least... "I'll talk to Triage about it."
"Blackjack, there has to be some way I can help you," Glory said, staring at me in worry.
"It's okay. Thanks, though," I said, pausing and fidgeting a bit. "I just need to know, P-21, should I even try to get my baby back?"
P-21's eyes shot wide as he gaped at me. "What... why... how..." he stammered, then composed himself with a sharp breath. "How could you ask me that?"
"Because as far as I'm concerned, it's your baby too. And putting a bullet through my old body's head is easier than trying to get my unborn baby out of it." I closed my eyes, tears streaking my cheeks as my mind struggled with the horrifying choice before me. It stuck in my throat, and finally I sobbed. "I've given up so much. What's a little more?"
"No!" he said sharply, and I flinched. He sighed, covering my hooves in his. "No, Blackjack. You're not giving that up. What's the point to living if you lose that?"
"The world's more important than me and my baby," I said hollowly. "Aren't I being selfish taking the risk?" Glory stared at me as if suddenly struck dumb, her eyes wide and aghast.
"Technically, sure. So what?" he asked scornfully. "This is something you need to be selfish about, Blackjack. This is our baby. I've had a rough time learning what that means from Scotch. I want to know what it's like to do it right from the beginning. I want this. And you need something that you won't sacrifice, Blackjack. Something that is yours. A line in the sand you won't cross." I remembered him once shouting in my face about him killing me if I ever crossed him.
Glory didn't look at the pair of us, her eyes downcast. I turned back to him, smiled, and gave a little nod. Getting my body back would be difficult... far more difficult than getting a few missile launchers, snipers, and spark grenades and unloading on her. Still, we'd find a way.
"I'll go help Scotch," Glory said, starting to get up, and I stared at her in surprise.
"Glory?" I rose and stepped after her. Something about her tone, so small and hurt, was just wrong to me.
"Stop," she said, not turning back to look at me. "Just... let me go, Blackjack." Her shoulders shook slightly as she bowed her head, her mane hiding her face from me.
"Glory? What's wrong?" I said as I walked around in front of her. I didn't understand... was this some other Enclave moral landmine I wasn't aware of? I glanced back at P-21, but he seemed just as clueless as I. "I... I'm sorry," I said helplessly, hoping it would be enough for whatever offense I'd given.
Then she lifted her head, and I felt as if I had my old body back. Everything inside me stilled as she smiled through her tears. "So am I, Blackjack," she said with a sick little laugh as she sat down. "I was ready to hate you. I really had written you off. And as much as it hurt, I think I was okay with it. And then you show up, and I was wrong, and it turns out you still care about me." She smiled even wider and added, "And you're pregnant. Congratulations." Her eyes were on P-21 with that last word. "You don't even have your old body anymore."
"Glory, what is wrong? Talk to me," I said as I reached out with my hooves to hold her shoulders. "Tell me what I did wrong!"
She cocked her head, smiling at me with a look of pity as she wept. "Blackjack, do you love me?"
"Of course I do," I said, immediately.
"Why?" Glory asked in that soft voice. So tender. Such yearning to be understood.
"What?" I blinked in bafflement at her.
"Why do you love me?" she asked as she stared into my eyes.
"I..." I stammered, trying to think. "You're... good. And smart. And nice. And..." I said, but the words felt hollow to me. True, without a doubt, but I knew other good, smart, nice ponies that I didn't love. "I just do!" I finally blurted.
She just shook her head with that horrible, sad smile. "I know you just do. But that's not enough. I loved you because you protected me. You were so strong. Too strong. And like my parents you both left me behind and horribly injured yourself in the process."
I rolled my eyes. "Glory, I had to do that. The first time I was going crazy and the second time I was detonating a megaspell that would have killed you. It almost killed me!" I pointed out.
She brushed my mane out of my eyes. "I know, Blackjack. I know why. And I'm not mad at you for it. But Blackjack... I would have rather died than be left behind. Maybe I would have. Or maybe we might have found another way. We could play what ifs all the time. The point is that's not love. Or rather, not the kind of love I need."
"And what is the kind of love you need? Just tell me and I'll give it," I swore. Anything to make this stop.
She actually laughed, and then wiped her snotty muzzle on a hoof. "Just like that? Funny thing is... you would. You'd try to. I know." She sighed. "What I need is somepony who needs me. Not just for emotional support, but who needs me with her. That won't try and treat me like a helpless baby." She shook her head. "I'm not that mare that was trapped under the floor anymore, Blackjack. I haven't been for a long time."
"But I need you," I swore, trying to put as much feeling into it as I could.
"You need someone, Blackjack. But it doesn't have to be me," she said with that wistful gaze in her eyes. "In fact, I think right now that it shouldn't have been me at all. I was just clinging to you in the hopes that, eventually, you'd love me the way I needed to be loved."
"But Glory... I..." I fumbled, feeling gutpunched. "I can love you like that. I can."
"No, Blackjack. You're a good pony, but you can't put me first. You almost didn't put your own child first. That... scares me. I can't imagine the kind of mare who can do that. I wonder if I could ever do what you do so easily..." she said quietly.
I wondered if this was really happening. Maybe any second the sadistic torture program would pop out of the couch cushions and go 'surprise, want to execute Goldenblood now?' Then I'd be free to meet the real Glory and everything would somehow... magically... be fine...
Damn it... LittlePip never had to go through this. Why did I? I looked at P-21, but all he gave me was his own sympathetic gaze. Not a shake of the head or a nod of advice. Not a word. This he was leaving entirely up to me. I returned my eyes to her face. "You've been there for me so many times, even with all my mistakes and screw ups. I don't want to lose you."
"And I'll be there for you in the future," Glory said quietly, "as a friend. But you and I... we don't... have anything anymore. I've always been carried along, swept in your wake, left behind, and picked back up again." She covered my mouth with her wing. "And I know you do like me and care for me. And I'm very thankful for that. But that... that isn't love. You have a deeper connection with P-21 then you will ever have with me. And I need someone I can have that connection with. It isn't going to be with you." She sniffed and leaned up, kissing my cheek softly, and then pushed my hooves off her shoulders.
She started to walk out the door, and I just stared after her. Then I blurted. "Glory, do you love me?"
She paused and looked over her shoulder at me, smiling calmly amid the wet on her cheeks. "No," was all she said, and then stepped out of Star House. Her name caught in my throat as I struggled to say whatever magic phrase would change her mind. Something. Anything... The quiet click of the door was like a shearing blade right through my heart. Slowly I bowed my head, and tears began pattering by my hooves as I thought of all the things that could have been... that should have been...
Damn it. It wasn't fair...
"I don't know if I can keep doing this," I said faintly as I stared at the closed door. "I just... What did I do wrong?"
"That's not a question I can answer. Glory had a point. She could have waited a little bit before bringing it up, but she did." He came up beside me. "It's not easy being the one left behind all the time. And if you were going to dive into Tartarus, would you be okay with her coming with you?"
I closed my eyes and saw her wing fall off. Heard her anguished screams begging to die. "No. No, I wouldn't."
"She knows that, Blackjack. We all do. And I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way with Scotch. Part of me wants to tie her up and keep her here where it's safe, but I can't do that. Not if I wanted to keep her as a daughter." He smiled and patted my back.
"Do you love me, P-21?" I asked as I looked at him.
He blinked a little, seemed to think a moment or two, and then nodded once. "In a way, maybe. It's not a love I'm used to. I think you're the only mare I could ever feel that way about."
"Why?" I echoed her question, thinking that if I heard his reasons, maybe I could find some way to fix this mess.
"She's right. We've been through a lot together. We have a common background. We've suffered the same troubles. We have lots of the same feelings. Lots of the same fears." He sighed and nuzzled my cheek lightly. "Like for instance, I know what you need right now to get through this."
Nothing was going to help me get through this. Ever. "Like what?" I asked skeptically. He gazed warmly into my eyes with just a look and I blinked. "What?" Then I felt my insides give a twitch. "Oh..."