Dear Elise

Chapter 10

"I heard you like the gardens."
The Prince is extremely polite. He keeps speaking to me, despite my short, quiet answers to all his questions. It's difficult to focus when I'm trying to hide how much pain I'm in at the same time.
"...yes."
Truth be told, I haven't been in the gardens much since that day with Sam.
Just the thought of that day brings a smile to my face, and Prince Maxon smiles along with me. The gardens are truly lovely, warm and bright, but the shade of the trees by the palace protects us from the sun. We sit at a small table set up just by the palace, and I would think it pleasant on a normal day.

When I received the Prince's note yesterday, inviting me to afternoon tea in the gardens, my maids pleaded with me to stay in my room on bed rest, saying that the Prince would be understanding if I just explained the situation. As I sit here, trying not to focus on the pain in my feet, I wish I'd listened to them.
We make polite conversation for what feels like hours, but is probably only thirty minutes, and then the Prince finally seems to notice that something is wrong.
"Is something wrong, my dear?"
Secretly, the name makes me cringe inside, but I fake a smile.
"No, I just... I have a slight headache. But don't worry, I will be fine."
A worried expression appears on his face. "Oh, no, you must go back to your room and rest. I wouldn't want you to be in any pain."
He stands up, offering his arm, and I have no choice but to get up too, even as I curse myself for saying that. What if he thinks I'm trying to avoid him?! Putting weight on my feet causes me to wince, but thankfully he brushes it off as being caused by my headache.

We walk back to the palace, but the Prince stops when we reach the second floor, looking at me apologetically.
"I apologise, my dear, but which room is yours again?"
I smile hesitantly. Of course, with so many girls, he must forget where everyone stays rather easily.
"Not to worry. I can find my way back myself."
Too bothered by the pain now to care anymore about being polite, I slip away and hurry towards my room without another word.
I blush in embarrassment, trying not to think too much about my horrible manners, my one-word responses, the confusion on the Prince's face when I ran off... no. It'll be fine, Elise, stop panicking.

As soon as I get back to my room I close the door, slipping off my shoes and sitting down on the side of my bed. My maids hurry over to check on my wounds, and my eyes water in pain.
"Oh, Lady Elise..."
I don't want to know why Florence said that. So I focus on something else.
"Florence, how do you know if you like someone or not?"
All three of my maids glance at me in surprise, but Florence holds my gaze, standing up straight as she answers quietly.
"They make you happy. You get a fluttery feeling in your chest, and you look forward to spending time with them. At least, that's what it feels like to me."
Beatrice nods in agreement, but Sara seems to be focused on fixing whatever damage I've caused by walking around on my injuries too much.

I think back to my date with the prince. I don't remember any fluttery feeling, and I didn't feel especially happy, either. It was probably the pain... But I don't feel excited to see him again, either.
I push the thoughts aside quickly. Of course I won't like him romantically already, we've only spoken once or twice. And, even if I don't, I'll still compete.
I have to win. I was raised to be the very best I could be, so if I'm not good enough... I don't know what will happen. The idea of my life losing meaning just because I lost once, makes this competition ten times more terrifying.
I must win, there is no other option.

After such a long day, I've never been more ready for bed. My maids manage to get permission for me to eat in my room, thankfully. I don't think I could've walked more than a meter, and I don't want to try. Sam's maid stuck her head in just after the others got back from dinner, asking if I would appreciate her company tomorrow morning. I accepted, happy to have something to look forward to, but now I just have a night of restless sleep ahead of me. Florence stands silently in the corner of the room, watching me carefully. Part of me wishes that Sam would sneak over here again tonight, but the rational part of me knows there's no way she could escape Florence's watchful gaze. Friday night was just a stroke of luck on our part. Still, at least she'll be here tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to it already.