Undertale Determination

Talk about death

(If you can't handle a talk about death, please skip this chapter. You may miss background stories, reasonings, but nothing about the story progress. If you get uncomfortable about the topic along the reading, please close it and talk with someone you trust and care for ^^)

It was dark and cold. No noise except some pulse was around me. My body felt non existent, yet also floating at the same time. Is this what death feels like? It feels...cozy. And not painful at all. A familiar voice shouted out to me, but I didn't wanted to move. Why should I? It was comfy in here. This endless dark void...it doesn't hurt or gives out scars. It's like a warm blanket that covers everything bad from happening. There was no need to fear what will happen if I close my eyes right now.
„You cannot give up just yet..."
Their voice was from someone I didn't know...just from who was that? Why would it even matter? Time and time again I didn't give up. But that pain of dying was painful. It was scary. And I didn't wanted to feel that again.

„Frisk!"
„Woah!"
Chara's voice drang through my ears as I opened my eyes and stared up at them. The expression was a mix of anger and worry as I...felt them? Their hands didn't go through my body...
„Are you an idiot?? How come you die against someone weak like that?!"
Their nagging voice and shaking me up to a seated position did not help the confusion I felt. Why were they here? They didn't die with me right? I shivered at the memory of my death and hugged myself as tears ran down my face.
„I'm sorry...I'm sorry Chara, but I can't! I just can't..."

The more they tried to make me stand up, the more the pain came back into my body. The agonizing feeling of Loox piercing me or smashing me to a flat piece of meat was fresh in my mind. Chara stopped trying to shake me up and stared down in silence. They knew what death felt like. So they had no reason to deny the pain they had felt. A fresh and first death was always the worst. So they sat down next to me, and staring into the void as I tried to stop my crying.
„You know...my first death wasn't the last."
I looked towards them as their face showed no remorse...just a hint of guilt.
„You don't have to talk about that...I can see it's troubling you..."

Chara chuckled, a small smile on their always annoyed face as they sighed.
„Just listen to me. I...I want to share this with someone who can see me...and understand how bad the pain is."
Their eyes unfocused as they pulled their knees close to their chin, resting it up there.
„My first death...ah yes...it was a fight actually. Back than I had no clue about what powers I had. And I regret ever knowing about them..."
A small silence got created inside the void before they continued.
„Back then, monsters didn't dislike humans as much as of today, but I still got bullied for not having horns or fur."

As if to look, they stroke over their own head and closed their eyes.
„One said I didn't have magic and therefore, did not belong to my family..."
„Family?"
I asked softly and quietly as this made them open their eyes while nodding.
„Yes. I...I got adopted when I fell. And I had the bestest brother one could ask for...my family made sure to keep me happy, but I couldn't tell them about what I went through. Not to my only family."
It was weird that Chara seems to trust me so much...or they really just wanted to talk to a stranger. Sometimes one can't tell friends or families what is bothering them, especially if they can't see or feel the same.

„So I fought that kid. I hadn't gotten any fighting experience. My brother tried to butt in and he got injured as well. This had made me mad and I beat him to...to ashes. I killed a monster."
Their hands tightened inside their sweater as their eyes went to their hands.
„I didn't know they were so...vulnerable...my brother feared me and...another kid attacked me from behind, freezing me alive. To revenge his friend."
Wait...frozen to death? That sounds long and painful. I wanted to say something, but they raised a hand and made a circle movement.
„This made me end up here. Inside this fancy little void. And...realized that when I moved and stood up, that I got back to the last yellow star."

It got silent as I didn't know what to say. Freezing to death sounds way worse as being pushed into a pancake. And it seems they didn't wanted to talk more about what they did after that, so I spoke up.
„Did...did anyone remember that you died and got killed...?"
„...No, not really. The bullies however stayed away whenever I got angry. Maybe they had this outcome as dream. Maybe it was a sixth sense."
Oh...so...
„So no one could feel the pain you went through..."
„Excuse me?"
I shook my hands in front of me as they started to glare and looked at them helplessly.

„W-well dying! Sure you made a mistake, but you didn't mean to kill! And you couldn't tell anyone and only swallow it up inside...you had no one to rely on at this subject..."
„Frisk I killed a monster! I did this! I lost control and-!"
I pulled them into a hug, rubbing slowly over their back while nodding.
„You protected yourself...and your brother...you were scared he would leave right? That he would leave you alone if you didn't stop the bullies..."
„W-What are you-?"
I shivered lightly as I did my best to not say more. To not get my memories inside the room they needed.

With a bitter laughter they hugged me back and I could have sworn they were crying. But I wouldn't point it out and let it happen. How many years did they have to bury that secret inside their soul? To be alone with this burden and power to be able to die and come back? It was scary. It was frightening. How often did they die and had to come back, alone and with memories? It must have been maddening...
„Yes...you killed, but you didn't mean to...if you would have, you wouldn't feel guilt. You would have done it again...but you didn't, right?"
A silent sniffle could be heard as they tried to clear their throat to sound less...sad and crying, but it didn't work.

„Who in their right mind would kill monsters? They didn't do anything wrong...humans are the reason they are stuck in this mess after all."
„You mean the old fairytale?"
„Fairytale? It was a known legend- what century do we have??"
They pushed themself away and hid their face by looking into another direction. I also looked around inside the void, but found it a little sad that I couldn't hug them longer to cheer them up even more.
„Well...hmm...the 22nd century?"
It got silent again as Chara turned their head to me with a shocked and disbelief gaze.

„WHAT?? I am dead for over hundred of years?? Uhh...I'm an old person now...no I died as teen so I can't even age...damn it!"
They crossed their arms and stood up before reaching their hand out with a determined frown.
„Let's go already Frisk! I don't want to waste more time in this void!"
I wanted to stand up with a smile, but once I kneeled, the pain came back like a crashing car. How did Chara manage this pain all on their own? But...if they managed to stand up and continue, I ought to do this as well! With a shaking body I took their hand and stood up. The pain drained all of the air out of my lungs, which they seemed to notice.

With a pat on my back, they started to walk with me step by step.
„The first death is always the worst one. You will get used to it...eventually."
„But I don't want to get used to it..."
„Frisk. We got no choice but to do so. If you want to stay sane that is..."
So there is a chance to loose myself? But the expression on their face was enough to not ask what that would feel like. Or what actions I would be doing if I ever were to be stuck in insanity. The steps echoed in the void and with every step the pain lessened up to a point where I couldn't feel anything anymore. A light started to shine towards me as we were back at the mouse room. What...? The light source made me squint my eyes together as Chara's hand pushed through me again.

„Try not to die this time."
Their sarcastic tone was back as I gulped and looked what was laying in front of me. Wait...since time turned to the point where I had last touched the star...my face went pale as I stared to Chara.
„Does that mean I have to fight the other Ghost and buy food again?"
Just on cue my stomach growled and I hold it while groaning. Dying is really the worst!
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Sorry for the short chapter, but I promised not to do anything progression related this chapter so...sorry again and hope you stay determined! ^^

I promise the next one will be longer...wayyy longer...