My Section of Dysfunction

Chapter 11

I drop Gabe off at his house after a silent car ride. His parents had been worried when he hadn't called last night to update them. He plans on fully explaining the situation, grabbing enough clothes for a few days, and being back at my house tomorrow afternoon. I was both looking forward to and dreading being home alone.
As we pull up his long gravel driveway and come to a stop, Gabe turns to look at me through the darkness covering us.
"If you need anything before I get back just call me okay." Gabe said looking into my eyes.
His dark brown iris' looked almost nonexistent in the dark car.
"I will" I replied, trying to sound convincing. "But I'm pretty sure I can handle a night alone."
"Okay." Gabe answered with s tight smile on his lips.
" Okay." I echoed back, nodding my head once in agreement.
A short silence passed before Gabe spoke again.
" Well, I guess this is goodnight." He said as he slowly opened the creaky passenger side door. The car flooded with a dull brightness when the door was opened all the way.
"Goodnight." I repeated, finally able to see his face clearly. Gabe hesitantly reached over to pull me into a hug strained by my seatbelt. I hugged him back, resting my head on his shoulder and breathing in his sweet scent of ivory soap and cologne. He released me and slowly got out of the car. Gabe walked to his front door, pausing a moment to find his house key. After retrieving it from his back pocket, he unlocked the door and walked inside without looking back. My headlights lite up the doorway where Gabe was just moments ago as I backed out of his driveway and onto the road.
~
I walk through our door to an eerily silent house. As childish as it sounds the first thing I did was turn on as many lights as possible. The house looked the same as I slowly wandered around checking on each room. The was on the kitchen table and every bed was made just as I'd left it.
Why did it feel so different now?
I could sense the silence around me like a ghost trying to engulf me in its long, clingy limbs. If I didn't find something to do my own thoughts would suffocate me.
I check the clock, straight block numbers stare back at me reading 9:07pm. it would be a few hours before I could even try to sleep. I have the focus to read. I didn't want to watch some stupid tv show I wasn't even interested in. I didn't want to write, I'd only think about thoughts I didn't want to. The thought of conversation exhausted me. I didn't feel like doing anything but I needed to do something.
I grabbed one of Aunt Kali's quilts from the back of the couch and went out to the porch swing. I cocooned myself in the worn, patched fabric until I could barely move. I turned my music on shuffle and played it as loud as it would go. The soft beat of Thinking Out Loud filled the quiet space around me.I let the crisp breeze gently pull me back and forth as I closed my eyes.
It seemed like only minutes had passed when my phone buzzed, muting my music. The clock showed 10:30 on my screensaver, a picture of Gabe. Enna, and I. I also had 2 new text notifications. One was from Aunt Kali, "Sleep well, and don't worry about me. I love you."
I quickly typed back an "I love you." before closing her message and looking at the next one which was from Gabe. "A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything. I wish you a long sleep and I'll provide that good laugh tomorrow. Goodnight."
A smile pulls at my lips when I read those words that light up on my screen.
"Thank you so much." I type back. "I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Goodnight."
I unwrap myself from my warm shell of quilt. The cold air encloses around me, so I hurry back inside. I lock the door behind me and walk back to the living room. I fold the quilt neatly and place it back on the couch. I turn to go to my room when I see something out of the corner of my eye, something out of place. The third row of books on our huge wooden book case leans awkwardly to one side. A book is missing. How weird, I think to myself. If Aunt Kali was anything she was organized. She kept everything is ever done, every A+, every stupid macaroni necklace that fell apart in three seconds, and every undistinguishable finger painting. She knew where everything was and worked hard to keep it that way.
After a quick look over the room I find what's missing. A thick, white scrapbook lays on the coffee table. A pattern of delicate purple flowers and green vines cover the outside. My scrapbook. I walk over and gently pick it up. I make myself comfortable on the couch and pull open the cover. I remember how hard Aunt Kali worked on this thing. Once she got the idea she went to the store constantly to get new supplies. She just "wanted everything to be perfect". Aunt Kali was the kind of person to buy her clothes on the discount rack but spend $30 on stickers.
Sometimes if wake up late at night after a nightmare to find her at the kitchen table with her eyebrows knit together and her tongue sticking out in concentration. She'd go back and forth asking me which one I liked better. Arranging and rearranging pictures until they were just right. I never understood the craze but it made her happy so I went along with it.
This scrapbook covers my life from birth until now. It was overflowing with certificates, report cards, and embarrassing school pictures. It had all my birthdays, my first day of school, my sweet 16, and any friends if made throughout the years though thee weren't many. On the first page was a photo from the day I was born. Aunt Kali was holding me, beaming at the camera. I was wrapped tightly in a pink blanket I'm sure Aunt Kali still had. My mother was just a shadow in the background. Her hair spread over a pillow with her eyes closed in her hospital bed.
Another picture, my second birthday. Me in my plastic high chair with cake smashed on my face. Aunt Kali was looking at me, her eyes full of joy. I could hear the laugh that was evident in her face. My mother was standing behind me, staring at the camera with dead eyes and a tight smile on her lips.
I finally got to my favorite picture, the last one she put in. This one had me, Aunt Kali, Enna, and Gabe. We had went to the beach for my last birthday only a few months ago. Aunt Kali had insisted we take one of the cliche "wearing all white on the beach" pictures. I had on a lacy white sundress Aunt Kali had picked out just for the occasion. My hair was down for once in loose waves. Enna and Aunt Kali big had on white Tank tops and matching capris. Gabe had on a white button up shirt with white shorts. We were all barefoot. Our arms were wrapped loosely around each other. We were all laughing at some joke that probably none of us remember now. No one was looking at the camera. Enna's eyes were tightly shut in mid laugh. Gabe and I were looking at each other with Aunt Kali looking at us. I want to go back to this day more than anything.