My Section of Dysfunction

Chapter 13

After much discussion it was decided that my mother would bring Aunt Kali home tomorrow. I didn't approve of the idea, but She insisted I didn't miss school.
Telling Enna the recent news didn't go well. She hadn't taken the news any better that I had. The only difference was Enna wasn't afraid to show the emotions we were both feeling. It was almost as if she was living a sick luxury. She was allowed to cry, to say what she wanted,to act how she felt. She was lucky enough to not have to be strong for anyone.
Enna had been expecting bad news when is called, or at least that's what she said. Her refusal to understand told me different,not that I could blame her.
"The chemo has to be doing something." She'd insisted. "It always does something doesn't it?"
"Not always." I'd mumbled
"There has to be something they can do." Enna protested.
"Enna," I sighed. "I promise if there was anything to do, I'd give everything in me to do it."
"Then why are you giving up Faye? Doesn't she deserve more than this?!" Enna's voice was rising at every word. This wasn't the calm, sympathetic voice of reason I'd known my best friend to be. She'd been the one to keep me calm when I'd broken my arm the third grade after a failed attempt at jumping out of a swing. She'd been the one who showed up at my door with movies and ice cream for a cliche "post breakup night" after my first boyfriend dumped me. But now,when I need her to be my rock, she's crumbled to dust.
"Enna!" I snapped. "Do you not realize how hard this is for me?! I of all people don't want to give up, but she's tired and so is everyone else. This is what's best for now."
" You r-really believe that?" Enna's voice broke as she lowered it to a whisper.
" I really do." I muttered, hoping I sounded more confident than I felt.
After that we were both at a loss for words. The only noises were Enna's quiet sniffles muffled through the phone. I could picture her all alone in her room. Her mansion of a house would be filled only with her own sobs. Her silky,raven hair sticking to her tear stained face. She grips the phone in one hand and strokes her polka dotted comforter with her other.
I listen to her sobs while I try to think of something to say next. It's almost comforting really, knowing that even if I can't cry,she can. She cries for both of us.
~
The drive to my house voids any sort of conversation between Gabe and I. Though the tension in the air is evident, the silence is somehow comfortable. I'd much rather have this than a plethora of condolences that I knew weren't true and wouldn't fix anything. Gabe knew this.
The crunching of gravel fills the silence as we slowly pull into my driveway. We come to a stop near the front of the house. With a click of his seatbelt Gabe climbs out and walks over to open my door.
"Thanks." I murmur,almost a whisper. I do my best to pull my lips into a smile and put some emotion into my dead eyes. Gabe smiles back,but his eyes ooze sympathy. As usual, he sees right through me. I feel the light pressure of his hand on my waist as he gently leads me through the darkness to the front door. I clumsily fumble through my purse in search of my house key. After what feels like a life time I finally retrieve it and jam it into the lock. Our foot steps sound booming in the silent house.
Every time I walk through those doors I expect what it used to be. All the lights would be on,causing our house to look like a toy house in a Christmas village from the outside. The TV would be blaring Aunt Kali's weekly obsession. It could vary from game shows to soap operas. She'd be lounging on the couch fully immersed in the program in front of her. At the sound of my entrance she'd come to life. Her eyes would light up and shed drop everything to find out about my day. No matter how boring it was she always acted like it was the highlight of her day. That's one of the best things about Aunt Kali,she makes you feel important. Now I come home to a dark house void of any noise. I finally understand "the silence is deafening". Now there's no more movie marathons,no more of Aunt Kali's "world famous" extreme chocolate cookies,and no more Aunt Kali.
"Do you know everything you need to get?" Asked Gabe raising his eyebrows slightly.
"Yeah, I got it. You just make yourself at home." I replied with an awkward gesture around the room.
Gabe and I exchanged small smiles before I turned to go up the stairs. When I reach the top I stop at the first door on the right, Aunt Kali's room. I hesitate before entering. No one had been in here since the day she left. The bed was made,books were stacked in orderly rows on her shelf,and her pajamas lay neatly folded at the end of her bed.
I pull a crumbled list from my the pocket on my jeans and study Aunt Kali's neat print that filled the page. After being told she was leaving the hospital tomorrow, Aunt Kali requested we drop of some clothes to come home in before school. Time to get started. I lay the list on the bed before turning to her closet. Upon opening the French doors I was greeted by a color coded array of garments. Shirts, skirts, shorts,and dresses all arranged by length and type. A variety of shoes line the closet floor along with a brown leather duffle. Bingo. I bend my body around the door frame in attempt to pluck the duffle from its cozy environment without disturbing anything else. I've just about got it when my shoulder knocks into an interior shelf. A stinging pain radiates down my arm,causing me to drop the duffle . In my graceful attempt I managed to knock Aunt Kali's jewelry box off causing it to hit the carpet with a cushioned thud.
All of the boxes content spill across the floor at my feet. Necklaces tangle,bracelets clank,and rings disperse in all directions. I quickly bend down to collect the mess I made. Aunt Kali's jewelry box had broken at the hinges,snapping it in half. Wonderful. I set the base right side up and start piling jewelry back in when my hand touches a material I wasn't expecting.....paper. Thick stacks of letters lay tied together with ribbon. I pull a letter from the top and read the address written in a graceful,loopy cursive. My address? Addressed directly to me? This must be a mistake. I quickly fan though each letter quickly glancing at each address. All to me. A gasp escapes my lips as I read the return address. Gabi Anderson... My mother.
~
"So the letters started the day you moved here," Gabe questioned. His eyebrows knit together in confusion.
Gabe and I had collected all the letters we'd seen and brought them to the living room. We now sat on the cold hard wood floors each with a pile of letters in front of us.
"That's the they got here,but the earliest letter was written the day of the court hearing." I affirmed.
"Court hearing?" Gabe asked.
"Yes," I began, used to the protocol of explanation anytime someone asked why I lived with my Aunt.
"That was the day Aunt Kali got full custody."
"Don't things like that usually take more than one hearing to come to a decision?" Gabe inquired.
"Normally yes,but since my dad signed away his rights and my mom didn't have a case it was actually pretty simple." I replied. I'd actually never thought about the hearing much. I was so young when it happened I didn't remember much about. My only memories were tears,lots of tears from everyone except me. Everything else I knew was all second hand information.
"Was your mother allowed to have any contact at all?" Gabe wondered.
"Yeah, I'd get cards for birthdays, Christmas,and even presents for a while. Then one year everything just stopped. No more contact."
I glanced at the hundreds of letters in front of me.
"Nothing that I got anyways." I mumbled.
"You had no idea about these?" Gabe questioned, his eyes grew more concerned.
"No" I reply with a shake of my head.
"Why would she keep these from me?" A knot was beginning to form in my stomach,there couldn't be a good answer.
"Why don't we go find out?" Gabe replied,locking his coffee colored eyes with my hazel ones.
~
Gabe and I sat in silence for most of the ride. It wasn't awkward,it wasn't tense,we just didn't have anything to say. I continued reading the letters the whole ride to the hospital. Upon opening each envelope I was greeted with folded parchment paper that felt crisp in my hands. Each letter began the same way: Dear Faye, I was thinking about you today so I decided to write. I love and miss you greatly. My heart aches more each time I read them.
They make me wonder what could've been if my family was normal. My parents could still be together. My mom would have a hot dinner ready when my father got home. We would have family dinners at 6 o'clock every night where we'd share stories from our day. I'd only see Aunt Kali on holidays and family get together,but we'd pick up right where'd we left off each time. I may even had a sibling or two. Our house would be full of laughs,love,and pure happiness.
"Faye,are you okay?" Gabe asked,interrupting my day dream.
"Yeah,why?" I questioned
Gabe is silent for a moment,keeping his eyes fixed on the road ahead. I'm about to give up on an answer until I hear a faint response beside me.
"Because you're crying."
It was then I felt a wet,hot tear trickle down my cheek and land on my collar bone.
Funny,I hadn't noticed.
I quickly wipe the tears from my face and direct my attention back to the letters in front of me. After a few minutes of running my eyes over the same few words I finally ask the question that stuck my curiosity.
"Gabe?" I asked quietly.
"Yes?" He replied,quickly glancing my direction before looking back at the road.
"Why have I never seen you cry?" I murmured. I almost felt remorseful asking such a personal question,but I need to know.
Gabe was quiet for a while,putting thought behind the words he would say. He bit his lip as he pondered his words and I felt my heart flutter. This is not the time or place for that. I thought, disciplining myself.
"Well," Gabe began cautiously "When I'm with you,nothing is bad enough to take away the happiness I feel when you're around."
A beaming smile springs onto my face as he words sink in. Blush rushes to my cheeks before I have time to wish it away.
"Thank you." I say confident in my words for once.
"You don't have to thank me." Gabe replied,his voice soft. "I'm just stating a fact. It's like saying the sky is blue or calculus sucks. You are amazing and that's as sure as anything else."
I don't know how to respond. He obviously isn't going to take a thank you. My heart beats faster and I just smile like an idiot. For a moment I just forget everything. I smile and Gabe smiles back. We say more than we every could've with words.