My Section of Dysfunction

Chapter 18

     We drive on a busy street through the middle of town. Columns of brick-laden buildings surround us, seeming to pop up out of nowhere until they are all that remain.
      Gabi's eyes stay fixed on the road with her thin fingers loosely gripping the steering wheel. I can't bring myself to understand her expression. She isn't slouching like normal where she shrinks into herself looking apologetic for existing. She sits straight with her shoulders back. Her eyes aren't constantly looking everywhere but me. She remains firm and focused. This may be the first time I've seen her look close to being sure of herself.
         We pull onto a side street and veer off to the edge to park. The street holds a few small clothing stores and busy coffee shop on one side. The other is covered in chalk board with boxes of various chalk tacked to the sides. "Imagine" is written in large swirling letters at the top. A plethora of chalk in everything from indecipherable chick scratch to elegant cursive transform the bland board into a bright rainbow.
  "Cool, huh?" Gabi asks with a smile on her lips.
   "Yeah, what is it?" I inquire.
   " Some people  in the community write what they imagine their idea town would be  like. Others make art, which is what I come here for. It can be fun to wallow in the talent you know you'll never have." She answers with a laugh.
Who knew we had the same sense of humor. I didn't know she had any humor at all. There are so many things I should know about this woman who gave birth to me. It can make me so jealous to know most people don't even have to ask  their parents these questions, they just learn them in daily life. You don't understand  how precious answers are until you realize how many you never got.
     "So," She begins turning to face me," There's a great coffee shop right here. They have one of the best mocha frappes I've ever tasted if you're interested."
     "Sounds great." I respond with a smile that doesn't feel as forced as I'd expected.
      Gabi takes the lead and pulls open the charcoal black door. We enter into the compact room that greets is warmly with the sound of small talk and a sweet caffeine-laden aroma. Crimson walk decorated with an artistic city scape surround chestnut brown tables sprinkled with people. It was a place that both woke me up and made me want to ease into sleep.
     A smiling, bright eyed woman approached us wearing a polka dotted apron that read "I take my coffee strong an serious". Her black hair was sprinkled with gray and pulled into a strict pony tail.
  " Hi Gabi!" She greeted enthusiastically. "Will you have your usual?"
   " Yes please." Gabi replied with a nod as she adjusted her purse strap higher on her shoulder.
    The woman nodded before glancing at me as if just realizing I was there.
    " Is this Faye?" She asked turning to Gabi.
    " Yeah, this is my daughter." Gabi replied with an expression I would almost describe as pride.
    "She looks so much like you." The woman gushed. " I'm April." She said as she extended her hand.
"What can I get you?"
    " Um.." A brief glance at the busy, multi-colored menu gave me no ideas and if the silence continued much longer it would get awkward. "I'll have what she having."
   "Great! Two dark chocolate frappes coming right up!" She replied as she clasped her hands together. She gently patted my shoulder before scurrying behind the counter and began making our drinks.
    "How often do you come here?" I asked turning to Gabi. The memory of a smile still evident on her face. (Probably left over from April's contagious enthusiasm)
   " I came everyday when I first got here. I'd sneak away whenever Kali was asleep." She answered as she pointed out a table near the window for us to sit.
   " I thought you never left the hospital." I pulled out a cushioned, wooden chair and took a seat.
   " I tried to be." She said as she focused her eyes on her hands placed neatly on the table in front of her. " I wanted to want to stay there. I knew Kali needed me to be there and you needed me to be there for Kali, but every time I went in there I just thought about how much I screwed up your life."
    "If I've learned anything these past few weeks it's that it takes a whole lot more than one person to screw up a life." I say.
    " Well I know I was a big part of it. You know it's okay to be mad at me. You should be mad at me." She said mumbling the last part so quietly I couldn't tell if she meant for me to hear it.
    " I'm tired of being mad at everything. It's unbearably exhausting and honestly I don't feel like putting forth the effort. I don't see the point in trying to fix something I can't change." I say as April arrives with our drinks. She sets two plastic cups in front of us filled with pale brown liquid and piled deliciously high with whipped cream. I take a sip and let the rich bitter-sweet liquid coat my throat before continuing.
    "Anyways, there are so many more important things in life, for example, what's your favorite color?"
     She immediately relaxes into a smile and I'm immensely relieved that the tension has gone once again.
    "Blue, what's yours?"
    "Green."
    " What's your favorite book?" I continued.
    " I don't have one actually." She answers quickly as if she's thought about this many times before. "I've read far too many amazing books that deserve that title and in reserving it for one specific book would be doing the others a great disservice."
    A giggle escapes my lips before I can stop it. I have no idea how to respond to that so I return to the task of drinking my ridiculously good coffee.
    Gabi poses another question and we continue a co distant back and forth asking trivial questions that would seem unimportant at any other time,but now seemed like the most interesting things in the world.
     After a while we sat in a comfortable silence looking outside at the "Imagine" wall. I read as many as possible from the distance. Some had written generic things like unity and friendship. My personal favorites were Chick-fil-a,Starbucks, and a zip line because who could argue with those.
    "As much as I enjoy learning about you favorite things I have some questions about your favorite people." She said with a slightly unsure look on her face. " That is if it's okay with you." She added quickly.
    "Sure,go ahead." I respond as I clasp my long empty coffee cup in my hands.
    " How long have you known Enna?" She asks.
    "Since second grade. She's been pretty great." I answer.
    " I can tell she really cares.... What about Gabe?" Gabi asks as she takes one final sip of her coffee.
    "He's been insanely supportive ever since I've known him. And he also really cares. I don't know how I could've gotten though these past few weeks without him." I say realizing too late how I'd said too much. I already knew the next question before she asked it.
    "Is there...anything going on with you two?" She asks reluctantly.
    My lips pull into a smile without my permission and my hand automatically rises to cover it. Gabi's eyes fall to the table in a failed attempt to act like she didn't notice but her smile tells me she did.
    "Um..I-"
    "It's okay." She interrupts. "You don't have to say anything."
    " Thanks." I sighed in relief that I didn't have to answer the question I don't have an answer to.
   " But in the meantime." She begins. " Don't let him go. He's a great guy."
   We exchange another smile and for once I can tell that she knows what I'm thinking. We simultaneously get out of our chairs and throw our empty cups away. Gabi tips April on the way out the door and April pulls her into a hug. No sooner than April broke away from Gabi does she wrap me in a tight hug as well. I leave the coffee shop feeling 10 times lighter than when I walked in. I blame it on a caffeine high, April's enthusiasm, and how interesting trivial questions become when you care about someone.
       Moments like these make me miss the life I could've had. They make it so easy to think of how simple our lives could've been. My mom would've packed me special school lunches with my favorite foods. She would've been one of the parents who volunteered on the 1st grade field trip to the zoo and I would've been proud to show her off. I could've avoided all those annoying questions about why I lived with my aunt instead of my mother, why I couldn't bring in pictures of my mother for our kindergarten family poster project, why my mother never came to talk about her job on career day. Aunt Kali did all these things, but people still wondered. I thought that the curiosity would die down after a while. I'd expected it in elementary school. People didn't understand the unsaid rule about not asking touchy questions. It only got worse in middle school when I became the school's favorite "freak" to introduce to new students.
   One day I'd had enough. A new student had heard the rumors of that weird girl who didn't know her mother. That strange girl who lived with her aunt. That girl whose mother had thrown a lamp at. That's when Rene Rodgers,in her french braided pigtails and cardigan sweater, has stood up and pointed me out in the middle of Mr. Cole's lecture over mitochondria. I got up and hurried out biting my lip so hard that I could taste blood. I managed not to cry until I reached my favorite spot, the pile of bean bags in the far corner of the vacant library. The bean bags were ancient and probably hasn't been cleaned in the 20 years the school had been opened, but I found them comforting. Each one had its own pattern of stitches and patches that attempted to hide the fact that they were bursting at the seams. I found it relieving that I wasn't the only thing falling apart.
     I'd been laying there for who knows how long when I heard the soft tapping of approaching footsteps. I'd thought it was Enna; shed found my hiding spot long ago. It wasn't until I felt an unfamiliar hand too big to be recognized that I turned around.
    "Hi." Whispered a boy who I'd never seen before. His blue eyes were warm and welcoming. His thin lips crept upward slightly, although he wasn't necessarily smiling.
    "Hi." I attempted to say, but it came out hoarse and cracked.
    "Can I sit?" He asked as he pulled at the hem of his red and navy plaid button up.
   I nodded and scooted over to give him room. I focused on my hands as I felt the weight shift beside me.
   "I know you're not okay, so I'm not going to bother to ask, but whatever it is will be okay eventually. Trust me." He said so strong and sure of himself that I didn't have a choice not to believe him.
   "You don't even know what's wrong." I muttered trying to hold on to any bit of disbelief I could find. I did not give him permission to come in here and make me feel better so effortlessly.
   "I don't have to know." He replied as he looked towards me. His fell in waves just above his eyes.
   "Are you new here?" I asked
   "Yeah, my family just moved from New York." He answered.
   "That's quite a change. I guess you must miss it." I mused.
   " My parents said they wanted to slow down and that this was the best place for it. I wasn't happy at first, but I didn't see a point in trying to fix something I can't change." He pointed out.
  "I guess that's true. Anyways, since you're new I guess you've heard about my "peculiar" life. It's practically brome the new initiation ceremony." I elaborated, mostly sarcastic,but it came out more bitter than I'd intended,
   A brief look of surprise appeared before quickly turning to amusement and returning to his calm smile he'd been wearing only moments earlier.
   "Actually I haven't." He replied.
   We sat in silence for a good five minutes while I waited for him to follow the usual path of probing inquiries all my other classmates so easily took. Nothing. He'd now began to read the titles of various books on the nearest shelve. His head turned slightly to the side as his eyes focused intently on each title. His lips moved slightly as he read each title to himself before going on to the next. I tried my hardest to ignore my thoughts of it being cute.
  "So,you aren't dying to know? I'm disappointed in you." I joked, hoping the sarcasm was evident in my voice.
  When an adorable shot of laughter escaped his smiling lips I knew I had succeeded.
  "No,it's fine. If you don't want to talk about it we don't have to." He answered.
  " Thanks." I replied with a smile.
  " I'm Faye by the way." I cringed inwardly as I realized how stupid that rhyme sounded. I automatically extended my hand before remembering that's probably not something most 6th graders did. Before I could pull it away unnoticed he gently wrapped his hand around mine and gave it firm shake before releasing it.
   "I'm Gabe."