My Section of Dysfunction

Chapter 16

We step inside a quiet house after an hour long car ride. My limbs are stiff and my breaths slow. It's long past midnight and we can barely hold our eyes open.
"Hey, I'm going to call my parents,okay?"
Gabe asks quietly.
He goes into the living room and falls onto the brown leather couch, phone in hand. I stumble up the stairs with my legs aching at every step. I turn into my room and fall face first onto my fluffy comforter and breath in it clean scent. The thought of school tomorrow drains any microscopic cell of energy I have left. My eyes wonder my room in attempt to calm my chaotic mind. My room had become a disaster within a few short days. The bookshelf was uneven,with the multicolored books slumping over to one side. Clothes and shy littered my floor at a random similar to that of candy exploding from a piñata. I have no idea where my backpack is and I honestly don't care. My mind,heart,and body feel heavy with worry, anger, and everything in between.
If my room had looked like this a month ago I wouldn't have been able to function. I've lived my life in a consistent attempt at a normal, organized life. Everything(people included) had there own time and place I kept them. I could control how close I got or how they fit into my life. Things only changed when it was my idea to change them. I had full control over my board, every move closely evaluated to the max. Now,I am a pawn in my own game, and for once I don't have the energy to care.
~
  The annoying shrill of my alarm clock jerks me out of sleep. I flick my head up and focus my blurred vision on the the bright red numbers reading 6:23am. My neck is stiff and my back pops as I twist up off my bed. I rub the sleep from my tired eyes and stumble into the bathroom. To say I look like a wreck is and understatement. My eye lashes clump together with mascara that smudges down my pale cheeks. My skin lacks in color with random splotches of foundation like polka dots. My eyes focus on a neon pink sticky note stuck in the corner of my mirror.
     My parents wanted me home tonight. You were asleep when I come up here and I didn't want to wake you. If you need a ride call me.- Gabe
       I want a ride but I refuse to let myself call him. I've drug him deeper than I've ever intended. I'm used to getting hurt and disappointed, but I know he isn't. Sooner or later this will catch up with him and it'll be all my fault. If I wasn't so selfish I'd cut him out completely, like a face out of a photograph. The only problem is that it's hard to make a clean cut. The other half may be gone but you feel its presence like it's still there.
   I push these thoughts to the back of my mind and focus on getting ready. I scrub my face repeatedly until all traces of makeup are gone, leaving a burning red in its absence. I rip my hair down out of its best of a bun and run a brush through it. After some coaxing and hairspray I decide I look semi-presentable. I throw on a pair of dark wash jeans and a t-shirt, then head out the door.
    The ride to school is a different kind of quiet. Without Gabe there it's colder, more stiff. Gabes like an old childhood blanket. He brings comfort and good memories. Now I'm left alone with my frigid,brittle thoughts and it's all my fault.
                         ~
  A dull roar of voices along with the aroma of cheap cologne greet me as I enter the school. I ascend the stairs one by one, avoiding eye contact if at all possible. Once I reach my locker I am met with a familiar pair of pale blue eyes.
"Faye." Enna somberly says.
She pulls her lips into a sad smile and pulls me into a tight hug.
"Hi." I reply quietly.
"Are you okay?" She questions, releasing me.
"Why do people always ask that if they know you're not?" I prevaricate.
"Look Faye I-" She starts.
" Enna you don't have to feel sorry for me." I interrupt.
"I just want to make sure you're okay." She explains, dropping her eyes to the books in her arms. I grab my math book from my locker and start towards Mrs. Williams room.
"You really don't have to worry. Life sucks and then you die had been my motto for as long as I can remember." I reply.
Enna races after, beginning to look like a wounded puppy.
"Thank you, really, but I can take care of myself." I claim.
"I know you can, but just know you don't have to." She states before patting my arm and turning to hurry inside the classroom and take her seat at the front. Before I can walk in Mrs. Williams gently leads me into the hall with her wiry hand on my shoulder.
"Ms. Anderson I just want to see how you're doing. I heard the news and I know it can be very stressful to go through." She says, her austere voice rising and falling with each word.
"Everything is fine." I hiss.
Her eyes widen at my response. She pushes her lips into a thin line, resembling a crack in a wall.
"I'm sorry." I say for the second time in less than an hour.
"It's just that everyone has been asking me that lately." I say.
"The only reason people ask that is because we don't know what to say." Mrs. Williams responds.
Her eyebrows draw together in a pondering expression.
"We can act like we know what you're going though. I can say everything will be okay, like a good adult should, but I can't promise that." She continues.
I nod my head slowly and drop my eyes to the floor,focusing on counting the dirty, white tiles.
We both stay silent for a moment with our eyes fixed on the floor. I rub small circles on my palms while Mrs. Williams taps her fingers to hers.
"Why don't we go get class started?" She asks.
I nod. Mrs. Williams leads me back into the dull classroom full of zoned out students. I take my seat between a girl with her head resting in her hand and a blonde boy doodling stars on the desk. Mrs. Williams clears her throat causing a few students to shuffle in their seats.
"Now class," She begins, scanning the room for full attention. "Let's pick up where we left off.
                         ~
I was beyond grateful when much rolled around. It was only twelve o'clock and I'd already been asked how I was more times than I could count. I haven't even seen half the people who asked before today. It always occurred the same way. Someone would slowly edge up to you with eyes full of pity. They'd barely be able to keep eye contact as they'd mumble an " I'm so sorry." or "Are you okay?". Then they'd give you an extremely awkward hug or put gently pat your shoulder until you wanted to smack them just to make them stop. 
The worst one by far was when Rene Rodgers tried to comfort me. She'd ran up to my like the world was ending, her curly red hair flying behind her like she was on fire. Her face was an exclamation point.
"Oh my gosh Faye! I'm so sorry." She screeched as she gripped my shoulders.
"I'm fine, thanks." I said.
I tried to continue walking, but her grip on my only tightened. Rene's manicured fingernails pinched my arms,making me wince.
"I'm always her if you need me." She promised, shaking me at every word. Her bright green eyes full of concern.
" Thanks." I mumble and push past her without looking back. That was the first time she's spoken to me since third grade. It seems that everyone wants to be in your life when it sucks, or at least say they tried to be.
    I walk into the cafeteria and scan  the sea of faces for my usual table. Students of all kinds scurry around the red and blue cafeteria with plastic trays clutched to their chests. I spot Gabe, Enna, and two of our other "friends" Blake and Amy. The term "friend" was used loosely. There was nothing wrong with them, it's just that we were complete strangers outside of lunch. I don't even remember how they ended up sitting with us, one day freshman year they just shows up.We sat together out of shear social necessity and nothing else.
  I ease down into the red plastic chair next to Gabe who gives me a warm smile.
"Rough day?" He asks.
"Is it that obvious?" I sigh and rest me head in my heads.
"Hi." Squeaks Amy who quickly peaks at me over her black framed glasses before returning them to the book she had her nose stuck in.
"Hi." I reply and every eye at the table falls on me.
"So,what're you reading?" I quickly add in attempt to draw away attention.
Amy briefly bobs the book cover up towards me before returning to her reading.
"It's White Oleander." She mumbles,barely audible.
"Cool." I say as I pick at the substances our school considers food. Today was a lovely trio of mixed vegetables that looked more liquid than solid, a roll you could knock someone out with, and chicken nuggets that were probably printed off a 3 -d printer. What happened to the good old days of mac and cheese and cookies?
"So are any of you guys going to prom?" Blake asks as he takes a bite of his small mountain of said liquid vegetables.
"Um, no." I laugh. " That's not really my thing."
"It could be fun." Gabe mumbles lowly.
I shrug and turn the question to everyone else.
"Are you going Amy?" I ask.
She shakes her head twice and continues reading. Some of her thin, mousy brown hair escapes from its ponytail.
"Blake?" I question.
Blames face goes from relaxed to anxious in seconds.
"Well, I mean, I would go but I don't have a date, so. " He trails off. His tan cheeks reddening slightly.
"See," I say turning to Gabe, "I wouldn't be the only one not going."
"Yeah, I guess. " Gabe says, I can here the annoyance behind his words. Before I can ask what's wrong the bell screeches as a signal to go to our next class. We all separate snd go 5 different directions.
                         ~
When the final bell of the day rings you can feel the school breath a sigh of relief. I hurry out to the student parking lot. I quickly find my car, unlock it, and throw my backpack into the passenger seat. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs to the maximum, then exhale and lean my head against the seat. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I feel like a boulder has dropped into my stomach as I read the words.
  Faye,please come home right after school, we need to talk. Love, Aunt K.
Oh, great.