Love hits hard.

23 futures gonna be okay

"She will be home in the next twenty minutes, I will speak to her then, please don't worry about her." Grams sits in the armchair, looking out of the front window, talking to the air, waiting for you to come home. Her week has been quiet, but her dreams are filled with noise and emotion. When she was younger, her visions would be stronger and easier to decipher. Knowing that you have never been one to talk about your visions, she never asked, but hers are all about you, and they need to be discussed. "She must be so confused." Grams blames herself for not making you take more of an interest in this part of your culture. But she plans to make up for it now.

There's hugs when you enter, your bag discarded at the door. You fuss over her, and if she's eaten, but she needs you to sit and listen, she's got herself worked up, and that's not good for her blood pressure.

At first, grams' agitation is unknown. it's not until you smell the tea that you know. She knows something going on. "I know you need answers, and i need to speak, so please sit, and we can have some tea," The tea is herbal and stinks. "You never liked it when your baabaa called you kiddo, and you are far from a kid now. You have been on a long journey, and now you find yourself at a crossroads. You are torn between new and old, sure and unsure." Your grams talks in riddles. She must have been having visions too, but she has a point, you know, not to interrupt her. "i know you are scared, but i will remind you of my sister," this means the grandma in the airport, "ask him to stay, you cant ask that of him, but you can ask to follow him"

You haven't spoken to anyone about Yoongi, but yet your grams know. "My girl, drink." The last time you indulged her in tea drinking, you tripped so hard, and you felt scared. That night you saw Moon, she was covered in blood but she smiled at you, you felt she was at peace but it freaked you the fuck out.

"grams, I'm scared." you tell her, but she can see it all over your face.

"we are all scared of something, you don't think he was scared after the fall, that he wouldn't make it in life." no point in asking how she knows about his accident, "You think I'm not scared, you are the last link to my daughter and i see her so much in you, but i have to face my fears, he did too and so will you, now drink it all, I'm here and i can catch you for the last time" unable to say no to her and with tea taking effect you cant figure out what she means by the last time.

You can feel her holding your hand, but you also feel the fear rising, the dark creeping in. Her voice is low but strong, "follow this path, see where you have come from, see when it takes you."

There is a highway, long and empty, no others around, walking along this road you suddenly hear your mum. her voice is in the wind, whipping your head around and spinning on the spot, you expect to see her, but she's not there. "my little sunshine, you have grown, breathe, relax and rest into me." its been a long time since she spoke to you. Since you felt this calm. You want to see her too and you force yourself to remember her, the way her hair would move and bounce as she talked with her whole body, the way the light would shine on it and make it look like it was covered in a layer of diamonds, her hair so black and long. It doesn't work, she doesn't appear to you, but you pick up her shampoo in the wind with her voice, "my sunshine, please relax in to me, you walk with purpose and grace but please just listen." the tea is doing its job. Your limbs feel heavy now and you want to spend time with her, "my sunshine, life has been harsh to you, but we see you always, we see how you work hard and shower everyone with your light." grams' voice is still there, her hand in yours, anchoring you to the present. Would you really let go, would you leave her behind, would you forego finding out how your life would be" no, as much as you miss your mum and Moon, your grams needs you. You don't want to leave.

the highway changes from tarmac and concrete and long tall lamp posts, to forests with trees and bushes, the same feeling of fear still present but not overwhelming you now, "my sunshine, we miss you, and your Moon, she has a message, "She thought she was going to be with you forever, your opposite, but she was just an eclipse. Short and beautiful and filled with magic and wonder. You feel warm and know that your mum is taking your fear, that Moon truly means what she said, you two would have been together for ever, little old ladies with cats. Your head now filled with images of Yoongi. "My sunshine, let him fill you, he reflects your light and casts it on to others, together others will find meaning in the mayhem, light in the darkness and warmth in the words" her voice is fading and you chase after the wind, you can see sunlight and turn from it, "mum, not yet, please there's so much i want to say, to ask. Please don't leave me again." falling to your knees the weight of fresh loss too heavy to take, a soft hand under your chin. "my sunshine, when you leave here, leave your pain, go find your happy." as you lift your head and reach out to hold her she morphs into your grams. She holds you tightly as you fall apart. There's no need to explain to her, she will have heard and seen it all. Both overwhelmed and in your feels.

The day has gone and all you want is sleep. Your Grams needs to rest too. As you watch her laying in bed, her face is relaxed and she sleeps deeply. You need sleep to come for you. Not knowing what to make of today, or the last week really, you hope your brain can sort it out while you sleep.

Climbing into bed, you check your phone, missed calls and messages. Sending only one voice note. "its been a long day, call you soon."