Love hits hard.

24 save me

It's been 9 days. It almost doesn't feel real. The hurt doesn't come, the pain either. There's an emptiness and a feeling of loss, but it's more of a feeling of being numb. Your neighbour walks you back to the house, telling you to call them, and they will pop over with dinner. Not to worry about the yard, they have someone coming to cut the grass and keep it in order. It's all just noise. You look at him with a blank expression. He watches as you enter and then heads to his own front door.

You woke feeling refreshed, more sleep than you had had in a while. There was no fear or confusion when you opened your eyes. You dreamt of Yoongi, and as you turned over to your phone, you wanted to hear his voice. There was an envelope addressed to you. Strange, that wasn't here last night. Maybe it was, but you were too caught up in the tea to remember.

" My daughter waits for me. Please don't stay sad for too long. You wouldn't leave me, so I leave you. You would sacrifice finding your way to keep me connected to her. I will miss our hugs, the way you check on me when you think I'm sleeping, the way you fuss over my meals. The house is yours, the land and everything with it. Sell it, and go see the world. It's bigger than even my ancestors ever dreamed." There's more, but you don't read it. Throwing yourself out of bed, you race to her room. She's still in the same position. Her face relaxed, a gentle smile on it, but her chest no longer rises, her soft breath no longer audible. It's true. she's gone.

The world stops for the second time in your life. The driver peeps outside for Grams to go to her clubs, and the neighbour comes to check on her, seeing you sitting on the floor of her room. He takes control. You are moved to the kitchen, a paramedic covers you with a blanket, a police officer takes your account, and an elder sits with you. This has to be some sort of bad trip from the tea. It can't be real.

The sun rises and is replaced by the moon. You know that time is passing, and you can't stop it. Reading the last parts of Grams letter, it's like she is giving you into trouble in ink. "Do as I've told you, don't linger here. Go find your happy before the petals fall.
Drifting into a sleep, it's all mushed up. There is darkness and light, him and you. Your mum and Moon. What startles you awake and has you falling to the floor is your grams. Her hug is warm and strong. She tells you to get up and pack. She's pissed and even in a vision, you know, not to mess with her. She shows herself younger, around the age she was when your mum left. She is strong and has a powerful aura. This is how she wants you to see her, to remember her. She shows herself so quickly, her love for you that strong. You're not scared anymore. You know what to do and what path to walk.
Throwing things into a small case, your passport, and some photos, you have made your choice. It's late at night or early in the morning whatever way you look at it.
Calling your Baabaa, you tell him you're going to LA. He has to be the adult and look after the affairs until you get your head around it. He is all in, no problems or questions asked.

The next call is to Yoongi.

"Hey, creep, did I wake you?"

It's not him, but Mr Lee. As you hadn't been in touch, Yoongi has been leaving his phone with him, a way of him stopping himself from checking it every second to see if you have called or texted. You give Mr. Lee a quick run down of your time since leaving Chicago. "Is he really angry with me. He must have been thinking I was only after him for the lifestyle. Fuck"
While chatting, Mr Lee has organised a flight and transport to the hotel. He has said not to call again, but he will help you sort this.

Who would have thought, Ajussi Lee, would be a big softy.

By the time you get from the airport to the hotel, it's not even 11am. Mr Lee meets you in the foyer of the hotel.

"I don't need to tell you not to speak to anyone. Let's head upstairs," he's smiling from his eyes.

"he stayed up late last night, i don't think he slept until 3am, so there's a good chance he's still asleep."

"Wait, he doesn't know I'm here." You're shocked but smile widely at Mr Lee. "You really are sweet." he blushes and gives you a door card, telling you that the bedroom is the second door on the left and "good luck. "

The suite is dark, the curtains closed, and no lamp left on. There is no sounds and you feel like a bull in a china shop, calculating your every step, you have an image in your head that he's gone to the bathroom just as you walk in and he drop kicks you thinking your an intruder. Trying to calm the growing panic and hysteria, you take a deep breath and open the second door. As your eyes have adjusted to the lack of light, you can make out his shape on the bed. He's hugging the pillow, his face relaxed and peaceful. How is it legal for anyone to look like this? The way his hair falls over his forehead and meeting his brows, the rest of it framing his face but obscures you from seeing all his beauty. Shoes off, zipper dropped onto the chair, you walk around to the opposite side of the bed, the sheets not fully covering his back. This it the best entry point. Sneaking in and wrapping your arms around his torso from the back. He doesn't move, not right away.

His scent cleanses your nose and clings to you. After what feels like minutes, he turns and wraps you in his arms. Still asleep but speaks to you, "I've missed you bump". You could stay in this moment forever, forget about all the shit in your life, all the darkness and pain, right now you're happy and he's holding you.

His deep morning voice "bump, is it you? or am i still dreaming, i was sure i opened my eyes. "

"I'm here, creep. I'm here. I'm so sorry I've been gone, but now I'm here. " You speak right into his ear. Eyes focussing on yours, you can feel his smile grow.