Love hits hard.

21 fears

She's back, back where she belongs. 

"Explain, bump, I'm not understanding you," 

She tells you how she thinks she was the cause of her parents falling out of love, how if she hadn't been born, they might still be together, that her mum may still be alive. All you can do is hold her. Let her speak out her fears, and then you can comfort her. She cries on your shoulder for almost an hour.

"Bump, you have to know that all of this is just another way of you grieving. You are not the cause of your parents' love story ending. You did not cause the accident that took you mum from you, nor your sister. Moon was your sister just as much as the members of the group are my brothers. Love is eternal, and just because their love took a different form, it doesn't not mean it was gone. They had the love for you.  I won't say i know exactly what you're feeling, but i do know about accidents. They happen, and they take us on a different path. That's all." Kissing her head, she looks at you and places her hand on to your shoulder. 

"Bump, if you didn't have your accident, I wouldn't know you,"

"That wasn't an accident. But i know what you are saying." 

"ok, so, now we have to talk about us." You know the lines need to be defined because all of this confusion could have been avoided.

"Well, there is no us. You will move on to the next city, and i will go back to my life. We know this."

"what if we said we should hang out while I'm in the US and then at the end of this leg, we can talk about it again, You might find I'm really a grandpa inside a young mans body"

"You want me to be your tour groupie?" she shows no emotion about it. Maybe she doesn't want anymore than right now. "Yoongi, that's very generous of you, but i have responsibilities." 

"Stop with the Yoongi, will you. I know I'm asking a lot of you. I know how special your grams are to you. But i could take care of the financial burden if it meant you were staying with me. " Where has the savage cold, non feeling Suga that the fans talk about gone. That's just it. that's a persona that was created. You are not like that, and you think she can see this. You want to be the soft marshmallow around her. But you also don't want to overwhelm her with your feelings. 

"Let's just enjoy the time we have now, no pressure, no labels, and no worries." You can tell her walls are being fortified, and you might be on the wrong side of it by the time you move on to L.A. But you do know how to live in the moment. 

"ok, no pressure. But think about coming with me for the next few weeks, I like having you around and not just for deep chats like this, the sex is pretty good too" you give her a gummy smile and she laughs. It sounds so good. it's like a bell, and it soothes the growing worries that are inside. The feeling that she doesn't actually like you is still there, that she is here because she feels like she would be being rude otherwise.

For the remainder of the night, you guys just spend time being in each others company. There is no more talk about a future or plans. It's almost 10pm when your manager calls for you. He has the walkout for tomorrow and wants to go over it with you both. Jimin has since gone to the airport, and he will be back in Seoul soon. I'm still deeply sorry for any mess he caused. You actually thanked him after shouting at him. He was confused but you told him "by you making a move on her i realised i like her more than i thought and more than she likes me", you also told him that its a secret and that it probably wont last any longer than the US leg but that it was up to her.

The manager explains that she will wear similar clothes to the staff, a face mask and either a hat or glasses when walking to and from the staff transport, again she isn't to talk to anyone. She makes a suggestion. 

"if its all this hassle, cant i just make my own way there and back, all i need is a pass and a ticket, there really doesn't need to be all this fuss" she's right.  The plans change. She will arrive before you do, watch sound check, and then, depending on safety, watch from the barricade. You allow her this. She wants so much to see the show as she first intended, as a fan.