Love hits hard.

20 back again

You can do this, a few more blocks, and you can sit down. Take a rest.

How can your day end like this. You woke up in New Jersey, flew to Chicago, and have been in heaven emotionally for the last few days, and now you're walking the streets of Chicago on your own. The only possession on you is your phone, and the battery is about to die. It's not a safe move. You have no way of getting back into the hotel either. Turning off the phone while you take time to feel your feelings and then understand them..

Searching for somewhere to sit, as your legs need a break. It feels like you have been running. There's a water fountain in front of you. Taking a perch on an empty bench, the sun is setting, and the night is drawing in. There is a sign for the pier to your left, and you ran from your right. Ok, so you have some sort of idea where you are. You can see the wheel in the skyline, too. Don't panic.

Getting it straight in your head. You have been hanging out with Yoongi between his last two shows. Your mind is in a negative space, and all you can see from the outside looking in is a billboard rapper, flying you around and having sex with you. He's not in love with you. He's not going to marry you, and you won't be one of his trophies. He's not offered anything like that. You are someone to play with while he's between stages. You will watch the performance and go home. Forget about him and live a boring life.
Now that you are thinking about it, this life he lives is so far from yours it's laughable. Everyone has delusions and fantasies, but they don't think about the reality or the logistics of it. Everywhere he goes, he is recognised. He is one of the most well-known rappers of the time, and you couldn't just go watch him from a distance. You could have said no, but you got involved. You let him in. He should have stayed as Agust D. Getting to know him on a personal level, knowing him as Yoongi, really shouldn't have happened. There is no point in going down this path. The cat's already out of the bag.

But Jimin, he tried to kiss you. He waited until Yoongi was out of the room. It's unthinkable that he would make a move like that, knowing you and his brother were involved. Yoongi said he hadn't told him yet. So was he just playing, or does Jimin actually like you, too? If you had met Jimin first, would you have gone there? Would Yoongi have tried it on with you? Would he want to share.

No, he wouldn't share his, wait, what are you to him. You're not his girlfriend. you're not even dating. His hook-up? His groupie, do they share women when they are on tour. Shit. Don't think about him like that.
He hasn't given you any reason to think of him that way.
When Jimin pulled you in for a kiss and said he would kiss it better. To anyone that may seem sweet and the line they need. But he didn't understand the gravity of what he was going "to kiss better." You had Moon on your mind, and how can some salvia change things. She's gone. Fuck you wish she was here. She would tell you what to do. If she was here you wouldn't be in this kind of situation. She would have gone with your to the 1st concert, had a great time and you would have went home. Had that bitch been there and clocked you on the head, you would have had to bail Moon out from jail and you would both be laughing about it with a few beers.
Both Jimin's actions and his words where not what you wanted or needed. When Yoongi returned to see him that close to you and he spoke, his voice deep and angry. It startled you. With Moon still smiling at you from your mind, the tears started again. Hiding behind him felt like a safe place. But to be the one between two brothers. That's not where you wanted to be. You had to get out.
By now, hopefully, Yoongi has told Jimin you are more than a fan. You need to speak to him, ask him what you are to him.
Without realising you start walking in the direction of the hotel. It's dark, and the street lights guide the way. You didn't take notice of how many sets of traffic lights you had crossed at. But some how your feet know where to take you. As the hotel building comes into view, the panic starts to build.

Turning on your phone as you get to the door. The guard asks for your key card. Shit you don't have it. " You saw me earlier," you say, but he can't let you in.

You feel like a dog, coming back with its tail between its legs.
Ring Ring.

"Where are you? Do you need someone to come get you? Why did you leave? Tell me where you are?"

You don't even get to say hello before he starts rambling.
"I'm at the hotel entrance, the man's doing his job and I can't get in."

"Don't move." He hangs up.

A few minutes later, the suit comes out of the elevator, speaks to the guard, and he permits you to pass. As the doors open to the bank of empty elevators, he points to the middle one.

You stand close to the door. As the metal box moves up, his voice is quiet. "Straight up the the suite. Don't look at anyone. Don't talk to anyone. " There is no emotion in his words. You have no idea what he is thinking. If you could see his face, maybe you could read it, but from your safe spot at the door, that's not possible. "I understand."
The foyer is packed with people leaving for the evening, there must be a concert or show on. You wonder if any of the people staying here are aware that Yoongi is also staying here.

It's like being marched back home by your dad. You keep your head down as you make your way through the suite door. The face you see is Jimin's.

"Nuna, I'm so sorry, I didn't know." He lowers his head and waits for you to speak.

"Eh, ok, I mean, thanks!"

From behind, Yoongi wraps his arms around your waist. "I'm so fucking angry at you right now but I need to hold you more". Jimin makes a sharp exit still saying he is sorry.

Standing there getting a back hug from him feels nice. It calms your nerves, but he said he was angry. At you? Why?

"Yoongi," you start, but he stops you with a finger to your mouth as he turns you. "
"We need to talk," you move his hand, "I didn't encourage Jimin. I don't like him like that." He says nothing. So you continue.

"Yoongi," he stops you again, "why?" Now you are confused.
"What do you mean why?"

"Am I no longer your creep?" He searches your face.

As a smile tries to crinkle your lips, "my creep? What? We should talk about what happened or what didn't happen. I would never go there with your brother. Please believe me."

"I do, Jimin and I, we talked. But you left, why?"

"I couldn't handle the tension, to be between you two, to be the cause of your anger. If you stopped being brothers because of me. If you stopped loving him, not again"

He's the confused one now.

"Bump, come here, explain what you mean, but first know that Jimin and I will always be brothers. Nothing could break that."

You didn't realise that this was a fear. Breaking someone's love for another. Being the cause of two people to lose that bond. Unintentionally, it was you that caused your mum and dad to become friends instead of remaining lovers. Maybe they could still be together, in love, your mum alive. Safe. You have to tell him you're the reason for their breakup.