Love hits hard.

3 B day, D-day.

It's been two months, and your father still hasn't gotten back to you about your birthday gift. He works on base in Fort Dix. When you called him at the beginning of the year, he asked about a gift. "i know I've not been around much kiddo" your almost 21 years old, he still thinks of you as if your 12 "but i promise i will do what i can to make your birthday special this year"  Its always the same, he calls, makes promises and then something happens. You asked him for money, that way you can use it to buy something you want.

Now it's the day after your birthday and one of your favourite artists has announced a tour. They will be coming to the US, and you want to go. When your dad called to wish you happy birthday, he could hear the excitement in your voice and when you explained why he said you could get tickets for New Jersey and stay with him, he could get you on a flight to him and save you travel cots. In truth, this would be the best option as you don't have a lot of money and it would cut the expenses right down. But some of your friends are going to more than one and you had thought about going with them, doing the road trip and all sleeping in one hotel room. You love your dad, but when he suggests, "we could get two tickets and i could go with you," you almost curl up and die.  He hears your silence loud and clear. "nah, you don't wanna hang around with your old pa, don't worry, I'm gonna send you some money, you can have a good time with your friends" you do feel bad, but get over it quickly. The tickets go on sale soon and you now have to coordinate with your friends to figure out what city, the date and then find a car to take you and where you're gonna stay.

That dream is short-lived. 

The tickets sell out, and the only one you can get is almost all of your money. Looks like you will be staying with your dad after all. Shit. You bummed as hell about not getting on the road trip and hanging out with the girls, but at least you got a ticket. Not everyone was so lucky. 

With both unadulterated joy rushing through your system and what feels like a loss at the same time, you play the artists music. Not the "loud and angry ones," as your grandma calls them, but the ones that are soft and full of meaning and guidance. While you lay there on your bed, feeling your feelings. The excitement washes over you. You are going to be with twenty thousand other people all there for one man. You might be going on your own, but you won't be alone. Now that you're over the sad part, it's time to get an outfit sorted. Your alarm buzzes on your bedside table, and the outfit will have to wait. It's time to work.

Getting showered and dressed, you head to the kitchen and make dinner. Your grandma is not yet back from "the grey gals club," as she calls it. She meets with her friends, a bus comes to collect her at 1pm, they meet in the local community centre where they can have a late lunch, play games and keep fit. There's around 20 seniors signed up, and most of the time, it's full. Sometimes, she tells you about the shenanigans that they get up to. They might be in their late 70s, but they are still causing trouble.  It's almost 6:30 pm, and she will be back and hungry. You fix up some dinner and make sure the place is clutter free. She may be active, but she has some issues with mobility. She broke her hip a year ago, and it's left her feeling uneasy when she's on her own. You moved back to be with her and help out. 

You have a job, you work nights at the local hospital, starting at 10pm, you are safe in the knowledge that your grams is in bed by that time and if she needs anything your only a 15 minute drive away and your neighbour has a key in case of emergencies. So far, there have been none. Grams has worked hard on getting her independence back. You know that it's never gonna be the same as it was, but this, you have both come to terms with. Growing up, you spent summers with your grams and papa. They had already retired, and it was a nice childhood. Not the wealthiest and some of the older residents would look at you with pity, one of the first families to have a "divorce" in their homes, "how are they going to divide the responsibility of raising a child", others would say, "she should take him back, its not right" the whispers would be more like chants, and you heard them all. But no one knew the truth. 

Some relationships have an expiry date. Some fall out of love, and others just don't work. In your house, the relationship dissolved slowly at first, and then it just melted away altogether. Your mum and dad loved each other fiercely. They were high school sweethearts, and each others first loves. Then, when your mum was pregnant, your dad felt left out, abandoned. He wasn't your mums whole world anymore. It wasn't until you were in his arms that he realised. You see women when they think they are pregnant. They fall in love with the baby, but they try to keep their distance. When its confirmed, all the caution of falling in love leaves, and that baby is their number one. No one else matters as much. They start being a mum from the second that line shows up. They feel their bodies change, and they feel the baby growing. They have labour or surgery. And who do they hand the baby to first. The dad. That's the first moment he becomes a dad. He could be at all the classes and read all the books, but until he holds that baby in his arms, he doesn't know what it means, as his partner, she's been there for months. It makes it real, holding the baby. The feeling of abandonment is gone, and both love this little person so much. 

Sometimes, that's how it stays, not for you. Your mum (nimma) spent all her time with you. She was your teacher, nurse, friend, enemy, and guardian. Your dad (imbaabaa), like most dads, goes to work to keep food on the table and a roof over your head. But they miss out on things like 1st words and steps. They want to be there. Your baabaa did. But the bills meant he had to work. When you were 5 years old, he joined the armed forces. It seemed strange to outsiders, but he was doing it so he could have more time with his family. He would work for 3 weeks and be home for the next 3. all of you were happy. But what you didn't know was, your parents, although they loved each other, that part of their life was over. They stayed together trying, for another 5 years, but moving from base to base was hard. You didn't have any real friends, and they could see it was affecting you. That's why they would send you to grams over the summer. She lived in a small town near the water. The land and property had been passed down through her family for years.  A way for you to make friends with the kids there, they could be your constant, they helped you, to know who you are., your roots. Your parents could try to rekindle their love, but by now, they were only friends.

That was your teen years, when you were at school, you were quiet and didn't make lasting friendships bar one, Moon, she and you, from the first day she came to class, were inseparable. She had been in the system and got placed in a foster home and your school. Drawn to each other, it was like your ancestors had heard you individual cries for a friend and matched you. She would come home with you after school, stay weekends and go with you in the summer to stay with grams,  She became the sister you didn't have. Until you didn't have her anymore. Your mum came to spend a few days with you at Grams' house before the drive back to base. Your mum grew up here and liked visiting, but only for a short time. When she was in senior high, she chose to go out of state and find something knew. She found your dad, in Texas. 

One night, Moon was working late, and your mum said she would drive by before the end of her shift. She worked at a drive-thru coffee stop only twenty minutes away near the interstate. On their was back, the car was hit by an 18-wheeler. It was quick. They wouldn't have noticed, gone in a blink, over. That's what the M.E. said.