Milk and Cigarettes

Chapter 4

Leo and I talked for over an hour, just sitting there at the mostly empty rink. He said he had to go, that his uncle was expecting him at 8:00. I decided to leave, too.

"Well, I can walk you to your house." Leo said once he stood up. "I mean, if you want." He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke nervously.

I agreed to his offer and we walked out of the rink as the few people in it gave us judgmental looks. I wasn't sure how to act as he walked beside me. No one ever specifically walked me home. Roger and I would walk home together but it was because we were best friends. We did a lot of things together. But, that day, someone else walked me home, not Roger. I felt entirely different. Leo didn't say much as we made our way down the sunset lit street. Two boys named Davey and Max rode their bikes past us and yelled as they did so.

"I thought Wendy was a dyke!" One hollered, slowing his pedals down as he came by.

"She is! And her girlfriend is Lea!" The other poked in. They laughed and continued on. I noticed Leo's face turn red. I tried to pretend like I didn't notice. Living in this town made me get used to mean remarks and harsh bullies. I learned to fend for myself. On that day, as I walked with Leo, I felt the same kind of boiled anger as he seemed to feel. It was as though the fact that he was not used to this sort of oppressing treatment made me not as well. Or, maybe I finally had had enough of it.

"Doesn't it bother you?" He quietly spoke after Davey and Max were out of sight.

"Yeah." I said. "It does."

"I mean, they can say what they want to me." Leo quietly spoke. "I'm used to dealing with shit like that. But they didn't need to say that to you." I was so surprised to hear a response like that. Leo nearly voiced my exact thoughts, my almost protective-like thoughts. That was the first time I had ever actually felt protective over someone, and he seemed to feel protective over me too.

Once we arrived to my house, I quickly told Leo bye and ran up to my front porch and through the screen door. I scurried to the window to find he was still standing there, with his hands in his pockets and a confused look on his face. Usually, when Roger and I would get to our street, we would split and head to our own houses, rarely saying anything to each other apart from, "See you later, monkey face!" or "Whatever, you retard!". As I stood there, seeing Leo seem so off-put as he walked away, it made me realize something. He was not Roger. He was not like any of the neighborhood kids. He didn't want to be my friend, and I didn't want to be his either. I wanted to be more and that was something I had never wanted with any of the people around here. Because of that, I had no clue how to act. I was accustomed to comebacks and petty fights, spit balls and shoulder punches, friends and enemies. That was all I'd ever known from my relationships with the kids here. I felt Leo turning my world and all I could do in that moment was stare at the empty spot he once stood at in front of my house.