Milk and Cigarettes

Chapter 31

Scrunched eyes peering at me, an analyzing frown, beaming heat formed droplets along his forehead. I stood speechless and my palms were sweaty as I held onto our ball cap full of change.

"You, missy," The old man held his shaking hand up and pointed to me, "you look familiar."

I weakly smiled. Leo hurry up.

"Maybe you saw me and my boyfriend perform here yesterday." I suggested, trying to remain casual.

"No." He shook his head. "That's not it."

My heart sped up as I feared that he knew the truth. He must've seen the missing poster. I dodged my eyes around the street in search for Leo, who went to get us water. No sign of him anywhere.

"I know!" The old man exclaimed. No...no...please god no. "You're a movie star!" His voice broke into a static laughter as relief fell over me.

"Yeah..." I grinned as I exhaled my words. "I am."

The old man slowly turned and began to walk away as he smiled to himself. My heart crept back down to a normal speed as I looked to see Leo approaching with two water bottles in hand.

"Hey, these are biodegradable! Isn't that cool?" He chuckled and handed me one.

"Yeah." My mind was still somewhere else as I responded and he could tell.

"You okay?"

"Biodegradable, wow, really?" I snapped back to reality.

"Yeah..." Leo spoke, scanning my face. "This stand was selling them for 30¢ more than the normal ones but I thought they were worth it."

"I love you, my environmentally conscious boyfriend." I kissed his cheek as he swigged his water.

Leo laughed, his cheeks full of water as he tried to keep his mouth closed. "I love you, my insanely beautiful and mysterious girlfriend." He wrapped his arm around me as we sat against the stone wall dividing the street from the beach. "But seriously, are you okay?"

"Yeah, perfect." I laid my head on his shoulder and chose not to mention the encounter I had. There was no need for me to stress him out.

•

We sang through our songs until around 7:00 P.M. My mind drifted off back to the world where it was just Leo and me. Done with our work for the day, we walked barefoot into the sand, hand in hand, with our baseball cap full of change in my old backpack, which hung around Leo's shoulder. Water swept over our feet as we made our way to the shore line, the cool liquid relaxing us. No words were exchanged, only soft glances towards one another and to the sunset, then back to each other. We both had stuck the long white Lucky Strike stick in our mouths and smoked the day away. After a long while, Leo tugged my hand as he made his way back to the street and I followed. We rinsed our feet together by a public faucet and slipped back into our shoes.

"I'm kind of hungry." Leo spoke, patting his stomach.

"Me too." I responded, feeling my stomach growl. "Let's get one of those big pretzels!" My mind suddenly remembered seeing a kid earlier holding one and my stomach approved it for dinner.

"Yeah, okay." Leo smiled and we walked together down the street. This place is beginning to feel like our sanctuary. I feel safe. Unknown. He's by my side and everything's alright. Suddenly my mind was weighed heavy as it crept into locked away memories I was trying to forget.

"Go fuck yourself, Wendy! You hear me? I'm gonna kill that little rat you left with!"

My head was echoing the words Roger stabbed me with. Roger, my best friend. My heart went dull as I recalled how close we once were. As my thoughts rushed over me, I was completely unaware of my surroundings.

"Wendy, Wendy?" I suddenly felt Leo's hand gently shake my shoulder. "Wendy."

"Yeah..yeah?"

"What kind do you want?" I heard it in his voice, he was worried.

"Oh...uhm, un-unsalted please." I tried to repress the memories as I spoke. You're here now. Focus on that. Roger wasn't a real friend. It's all in the past. Everything will be alright.

In the background of my thoughts, I vaguely heard Leo ordering and I stared off at the ground, continuing to repress my poisonous thoughts.

After a minute or two, Leo handed me my giant pretzel, a twisted shape the size of my head.

"There you go." He gave a slight smile, the kind a worried dad may give to his daughter if he's afraid to ask if she's okay. The glitter in his eye, the long stare was exactly what brought me back to reality. My heart sped up again as I looked at him, his cheeks slightly pink since we'd been in the sun all day. Leo was all I needed, nothing else mattered.

"Thank you." I spoke softly. We began walking, each of us holding our dinner in one hand and our free hand holding the other's. "I'm sorry I've been so out of it." I began to spill. "It's just- I just saw this old man. You were buying us water and I was alone and he passed by and he recognized me, Leo. It was from the missing posters, I know it." I shook my head and took a deep breathe, trying to prevent my eyes from pouring it's own typical wet whispers. "But then he said he thought I was a movie star, that that's why he recognized me, and I told him he was right." I looked up at Leo, who's eyebrows were scrunched down and his view was shifted not at me but to the ground, as though he were trying to imagine the scene. I looked away, as it was hard to continue when I saw how upset he looked. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I just wanted it to go away and not matter. But then as we walked to the pretzel stand I started to think about us." Leo immediately darted his eyes towards mine and the expression on his face was flooded in worry. "No, no, baby, I was thinking of how happy I am with you, how nothing matter's as long as we have each other." My speech was quick as I tried to assure him as fast as possible that I was not rethinking us. Leo's face remained in a heavy state of concern. "I love you so much, just the thought of you and me makes everything better." I waited for his eyes to calm, for the slightly parted lips to come back together and for his look of worries to disappear. "But Roger's words just came into my mind, just kept repeating themselves, I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do. It still bothers me how someone who I thought was my friend turned out to be so incredibly...just awful. I want you to be safe, I want his words to not affect me, but they do. Leo, I'm so scared." I stopped and held by voice back as I felt a growing lump in my throat. Leo's mouth opened, ready to speak, but nothing came out. "I don't want to be found. I don't want to go back. I don't want us to be separated. I don't want you to die. I want to be free, I want us to be free." My tears took over at this point and I covered my face with my palms, my shoulders shaking.

"Shhh, shhh, shhhh..." Leo wrapped his arms around me as I continued to cry against his chest. "Don't worry. Don't worry, baby." I cried because I was scared, I cried because I loved him, I cried because he was already making me feel better, easily, over something that was a very big deal. He made everything, every issue, seem like nothing, whether it was small or dire. "We are free, Wendy." Leo's hand rubbed up and down my arm as I was still shaking with tears. His shirt was now wet with my reaction. "We're free. You know that. No one's going to find you, or us, no one will separate us. Nobody, okay? Okay? So don't worry." This last sentence was spoken in a choppy tone, evidence that he was now crying too, which made me cry even harder. Leo remained quiet for a long while and then spoke again, in a clear, quiet voice. "Look, we found each other. We were meant to be, you and me. The stars, the planets, the universe aligned everything perfectly for us to meet. And we did. And we successfully ran away, didn't we?" I nodded my head against his chest and my tears slowly stopped. "And we're in California now! And not just any city, we're in Hollywood. You and me, Wendy. I won't let anything, anyone, fuck this up. We have the universe on our sides now after all, don't we?" His whisper calmed me down as I still leaned against his chest, hearing his heart beat. "Don't let the past hold you down. We really are free now. Look at us." I took my hands and wiped my face of it's lingering tears and then wrapped my arms around him as he said, "It's you and me, Wendy."

"Forever."