Milk and Cigarettes

Chapter 5

That night, I walked to Roger's house after I had dinner, with the intention of smacking him. When I got to his house, his father grunted to me from the living room, telling me that Roger was out. I knew exactly where he was. Anytime Roger wanted to run away from a problem, he'd go to this old baseball field that was just a mile outside of Spokane. I took my bike and rode out to it. He was sitting on the dirt against a chain fence and I dropped my bike to the ground and ran to sit next to him. He just looked into the distance as if he was stuck on a thought and couldn't move on from it. In a way, I was too. I was stuck wondering why Roger was treating me this way, why he just left me at the rink and didn't say bye. I couldn't understand the feelings I was gaining towards Leo, but even more so, I couldn't understand why Roger began treating me like I was doing something wrong my letting Leo into my life. Most of all, I hated that Leo had to come to a town where everyone was nothing but cruel towards him.

"Why?" The one question that summed up all of my thoughts.

I looked at Roger, who covered his face. "I don't know." He ran his hands down to reveal his red and tearful eyes. "It's just-" He paused to stop himself crying. "My mom, Wendy." Roger's mom had left him and his father when he was young. She'd met a man who stopped in Spokane while on the road. She was a waitress at the time and before the weekend was over, she'd run off with him. It broke my heart in that moment, because he had it in his mind that I'd leave this town, I'd leave him, because of Leo.

"Roger." I set my arm around his thick shoulders. "Roger, you don't have to worry about that." I heard him sniffle and very rarely did I ever witness him cry. "Look, you know you're my best friend. You've always been my best friend. You'll always be my best friend."

He laid his head down on my shoulder and I laid mine atop of his. "I know." He finally said. "I was just- I don't know. Scared." That evening we just sat in the dark, starring at the stars as we leaned against the chain fence. I told Roger that I'd always be here, that he never had to worry about me doing what his mom had done. He promised to give Leo a chance, and make sure to tell the other kids to, too. We almost never had these kind of conversations, but when we did, there was no awkwardness. That's what I loved about Roger, being able to be myself no matter how I felt. The only awkwardness I'd feel was when we'd bounce back to our usual selves, and I'd wonder which version of me I liked better.

I briefly woke up the next day when my mother went to work, and then fell back asleep. It was probably noon when I had heard a sound on my window that caused me to awaken. I thought it was apart of my dream at first, until the noise had woke me up enough to bring me to reality. I rose up to see Leo standing at my window, knocking. He had a backpack hanging over his shoulders and was waving me over. I walked to the window, rubbing my eyes, and opened it up.

"What're you doing?" I asked, squinting from the morning sun.

"Sorry to wake you." Leo smiled shyly which had made my experience with waking up much better. "I wanted to see if you'd wanna go down to the river with me." I had quickly agreed, brushed my teeth, put my sneakers on, and left with him. The river was about half an hour outside of town; I seldom ever went to it before then. I remember being excited, going to a place I wasn't familiar with with someone who lit such a fire within me. Leo had a light blue 1989 station wagon which we rode to the river in. He fiddled with the radio for a bit until he settled on an old country song. It was a song my grandfather had sung in all of my memories of him. I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry played faintly as we sat in his hot car with the windows rolled down. It was particularly sunny that day. I remember watching Leo as he sat behind that steering wheel, narrowing his eyes from the light. We parked in the red dirt road that led off the main one and walked up to the river. I kicked my shoes off and walked into the water, the rocks grinding beneath my feet. I went out until it reached my knees and looked back at Leo who just stood and watched me.

"It's nice." I said, swinging my arms into the water.

"Yeah?" He called out, remaining in the same spot.

"Yeah. Come over here!" He had slid out of his shoes and made his way towards me as if he had been waiting for an invite that whole time. "Do you like it here?" I had asked him once he reached my side, meaning Spokane.

Leo didn't answer for a moment which made me think the answer was no. I knew it would probably be, given the uninviting population, but I'd become oddly happy about his arrival. "No." He answered. "No, but I do sometimes."

"Sometimes?" I turned to him in confusion as I waited for him to explain.

He looked at me and slightly smiled, starring back into the running water. "When I'm with you."