Misconstrue

TWENTY-EIGHT robberies.

The state of my mental health is known to a handful of people. Each time I came clean about what I'm feeling or what I'm thinking, the truth is always accompanied with embarrassment and shame. Obviously, that was my number one reason for being so worried about how Emilio would react when he finally found out the truth.

Surprisingly, shame and embarrassment have eluded me. After my confession last night, Emilio and I went to bed together, me jittery from the unknown, and him worried that I wouldn't stop crying. I fell asleep in his arms, and I must admit, it's the best sleep I've gotten since my return. It's obvious that Emilio is serious about me - I'm still stuck on the fact that he flew all the way here. I mean, who does that?

My train of thought is now leading toward one conclusion, but it can't be true, things like that just don't happen to me. I don't live a fairytale life, just one filled with tragedy and despair.

"Are you awake?" I take a deep breath that's followed by a sigh as I lean into Emilio's warmth. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Hungry?" My voice is still groggy from sleep. "I can whip up something for you."

"No." Emilio rubs my shoulder comfortingly as he looks down at me. "But you did mention that you have a few things to do in the town today."

I turn on my back with a groan. I've been leaving these errands to the very last minute as doing them would only mean one thing. "Charlestown is small. If you tag along people will notice."

"That's okay." I sit up then stretch as I try to shake the sleep from my bones. "You should wear a hat."

I chuckle softly. "Actually, no one will care who I am once they recognize you." I get out of bed with a lazy groan. "We should still eat something. It's going to be a long day."

I leave Emilio to his devices after breezing through my morning routine. I make sure to stop at my grandmother's room before heading downstairs. My routine doesn't change, and I'm quick to open the curtains and check her feeding tube, but I find myself stopping in my tracks as the wind invites itself inside. On a warm day like this, the wind shouldn't feel so chilly. 

For the past three weeks I've had scares like this, but for some reason I'm able to tell that this time is different. "Mama?" I sit slowly and carefully out of fear that my legs will give out if I move too quickly. I don't get a response but that doesn't come as a shock to me. 

I reach for her hand. A shiver comes over me as I'm met with cold skin. I check her pulse for the answer that I'm looking for. I can barely feel anything as her pulse is weak and not as frequent as it should be. So, this is it. This is where we say goodbye.

"Balei?" Emilio appears at the door, but I don't look up as I'm too busy studying every line on my grandmother's face. 

"I don't think we can go out today." I brush her hair backwards. "It's time."

***

Emilio waits with me in the silence for a total of thirty minutes. He only left my side at the arrival of Mr. Phillips who joined us in the solemn silence for another fifteen minutes. It took approximately forty-five minutes since waking up this morning for my grandmother to pass on. 

My reaction, or lack thereof, came as a surprise to me. There were no sobs, no tears, and no feelings of guilt. I immediately sprang into action. I felt a weird sense of satisfaction which came from self-pride. I was proud of myself because I utilized the three weeks, I've been here by preparing for this very moment.

So, when the ambulance came to take my grandmother away, I was able to give them clear instructions on which morgue to take her to. You see, I had already made arrangements for her to be cremated. Mr. Phillips was kind enough to go down to the police station to report her death. I gave him all the paperwork he would need as I had stockpiled my grandmother's information into one file folder. I even took the liberty to get some things translated to English just to be safe.