Misconstrue

Twenty-five.

It was a bittersweet moment leaving Spain. Magdalena hugged and kissed Emilio multiple times with tears in her eyes. Juan Carlos held me in such a comforting bear hug that I found myself giggling as he thanked me for coming. Members of Emilio's family came by the house to say their goodbyes and wished us good luck. 

Guilt consumed me on the flight back to London. Emilio's family has been so warm and welcoming to me, and Emilio has been nothing but kind and understanding. Emilio doesn't know that this is our last week together, and I'm such a bitch for dragging this out. 

"Thank you." I swallow nervously. Emilio smiles as he leaves my small suitcase by the door. "I really enjoyed every moment."

I get a quick kiss. "So, did I. Even when you were puking all over me." I roll my eyes playfully. "Are you sure you don't want to spend the night at mine?"

My stomach churns uncomfortably. "Not tired of me yet?" I ask playfully.

"I can never get tired of you Balei." Emilio's tone is serious. "I miss you already."

"I'll come over on Wednesday afternoon." Emilio pouts. "Sorry, I have a pretty busy week."

"I'll text you the code to the gate." He says as he digs into his pocket. "I have a match that day."

I watch silently, ridden with guilt as he removes a familiar key from his key chain. He places the brass key in my opened palm and my heart races as I think about what to say. The last time this key was given to me, Emilio offered his flex room for my use, but now that the key has returned to me, I know for sure that this is something different.

"I should've never taken the key when you returned it." Emilio says softly as he caresses my cheek. "I already knew what I wanted then, and it's the same thing I want now."

"I don't know what to say." A big fat lie. I do know I want to say, or what I should be saying. 

"You don't need to say anything." Emilio places a kiss on my forehead. "See you on Wednesday?"

I nod with a forced smile on my face. Regardless of how I'm feeling now, it was hard saying goodbye to Emilio. It's as if a small part of me is telling me that letting Emilio go would be one of the worst life decisions I would ever make. But I have to do this. No one deserves to be a in relationship marred with my personal and familial problems.

"B?" I turn away from the front door. Emilio has been gone for a few minutes now, but I don't have the strength to move. "Did Emilio leave?"

I finally let the tears that I've been holding back go. Ben says nothing further as I turn to face him, and I'm immediately in his arms when he spots the look on my face. This time I don't hesitate, and I cry my broken heart out in my best friend's arms. 

"I don't deserve him." I say between hiccups. "But I don't think I can live without him. What do I do?"

****

"Hey." Christian catches up to me in the hallway outside the OR. He removes his surgical cap as we give way to the doctors and students exiting the observation room. 

"Hi." I stuff my hands in the pockets of my coat. "You did good in there."

Christian shrugs. "Thanks. That could be you after next year."

I frown. "I can't even put eyeliner on without shaking, there's no way I could be a surgeon."

My watch beeps from my wrist and I sigh softly as I read the text from Mr. Phillips. He's been kind enough to offer to pick me up from the airport.