CLAUDIAS POV
"School was a fucking disaster." I say walking in the front door to mum.
"Oh why sweetie." mum ask looking at me and Brit
"It's full of bitches." Brittany said going to her room.
"I hate it already." I said doing the same.
I jumped on my bed and lay there for a bit.
"Why does it have to been so fucking hot ahhhhhh" I said stripping down to my bra and undies.
I hear Brittany in her room talking to someone it must be the boys cause I heard her say about Jade and I heard my name.
I can't really go in there like this so stuff it, I can't be bothered.
Why am I in such a mood. I need to relieve some built up anger, time to hit the gym. I get change into my work out clothes and head off to the gym because it's so hot I will drive I usually run.
When I get there I hit the bags for while pretending it's Jade fuckin bitch. I do heaps of other stuff till I am sweating then a take a quick pic of the boxing stuff and send it to skip. Aww I miss my boxing partner. I decide that I need some alone time I know exactly where to go. Its a short drive to the park and once I am there I feel a sense of relief. I go sit under the tree where me and Jai sat all the time. Its funny how a place can make you so happy. After spending an hour I decide to call it a day and leave the park.
When I back I have a shower and go see what Brit is up to.
"Who were you talking to earlier?" I ask her.
"Just Beau and Jai, they wanted to know how school was." She told me.
"Did you tell them it sucked?"
"Yes and I also asked Jai about Jade and he said and I quote 'oohhh that chick, she was fucking annoying she would like follow me around and shit at school, she was obsessed with me'. So she was just grinding your gears when she kind of hinted at dating Jai." That made me happy, kind of. Well it made me happy that Jai didn't go out with that kind of person, but it pisses me off how the girl didn't even know me and purposely got on my bad side. Which is a mistake. I don't know why but Ibsen never felt more angry, she just, I don't know. I think it's because Jai isn't here to make me happy. So every time I get the chance to be unhappy at something I take it so it's an excuse to say I'm not sad about Jai being gone, because that would be selfish. But Jade is a bitch.
We talk for a little bit longer and then I head back to my room. I check my phone and have a message from Jai.
Jai: Babe I know your angry about jade and she is only being a bitch to you because she feels threaten. Just don't let it get to you. She is fucking trash anyway❤️
It makes me smile that Jai knows how I am feeling even though I haven't talked to him. He just understands me and my feelings. But I still have this doubt in me because when I think about it as soon as Jai and Ariana went out he announced it to his fans straight away and would post cute photos and stuff for her. I just don't understand like does he not feel the same way or does he not think that we are going to last so he won't bother like telling his fans. It just bothers me.
Since I am in a shit mood why not look though I few of my diaries I wrote when I was 11-14. I dig through the boxes till i reach my diary when I was 14.
I flick to a random page.
"I woke up to the sound of screaming and yet again it's Brittany having a nightmare. It's really scary because I know how scared she is and all we do is wait till she wakes. Why do I have to be so fat and ugly? Why can't I be pretty and skinny? Oh well I probably going to die soon anyway. Well I hope so. Life would be so much better without me in it. I will never be happy and I will just have to deal with it. The scars on my wrist earn me some disturbed looks especially when they are still dripping with blood.The way the girls look at me destroys me I can tell they hate me. They way the boys look at me in disgust kills me. I will never find my happily ever after but that bullshit has never made any sense to me anyway. Maybe I should end whatever I am. It would be quick. No pain. I would just be gone forever. Forever sounds good. "
I close the diary and i am flooded with emotions. I didn't realise how a depressed little girl I was. I never thought to this day that I would be standing here reading this I would of thought I would of been long gone. But no I am still alive and I know that I could never put myself and my body through that pain again.
I promise I won't let those bitches destroy me any more.
