Quagmire was feeding his cat when the doorbell rang. He quietly hummed to himself as he opened the door, expecting to see Peter with a crazy shenanigan or some prostitute yelling at him about an STD. However, he was sorely mistaken.
"Brian?!" Quagmire scoffed. "What do YOU want?!"
"Look, I don't want to be here, but you're the only one who can help me with this."
"Help you? Don't make me laugh!"
Quagmire was about to slam the door when Brian stopped him.
"Wait, I can make it worth your while!" Brian held up a wad of cash. "All I need is you to help me with this."
It was a troubling dilemma. On the one hand. Quagmire hated Brian and wanted nothing to do with him. But on the other hand, he really needed the dough. Less and less people were going on flights, so Quagmire had to tighten his budget lately. After a moment of being deep in thought, he sighed.
"Fine..."
And that's how Quagmire ended up at a fancy party, posing as Brian's business partner, trying to get the rich old lady to fork over her million dollar fortune.
"Brian is one hardworking guy!" Quagmire said, lying through his teeth. "For years he's been working to save endangered wildlife all across South America. If only he had some extra money, then he'd be able to raise even more awareness."
"Oh, what a charming man!" The old lady gushed. "How would you two fine gentleman like to join me for dinner on Sunday? Then we can talk more about that awareness project of yours!"
The party went perfectly. Brian and Quagmire said their goodbyes and went back to Brian's Prius.
"Wow, thanks so much Quagmire!" Brian said. "I can't thank you enough for what you did today."
"Yeah, whatever." Quagmire responded, making a point of rolling his eyes.
"Tell you what, how would you like a cut of that old woman's fortune?"
That piqued his interest.
"What? You mean it?"
"Of course! I know we're not friends, but I really appreciate you coming along for this."
At that moment, Quagmire felt his heart flutter. What was happening?! He hated Brian! He was only doing this for the money! So... why did he feel like this?
Quagmire's mind was racing on the drive home. Even as Brian dropped him off, he still couldn't get the dog off his mind. He laid down in bed for hours but couldn't sleep. The only thing on his mind was Brian.
"Damnit! This can't be happening to me!" Quagmire stood up. "I can't stop thinking about him..."
The doorbell rang once again. Confused, Quagmire glanced at his alarm clock. 1:00 AM. What would someone be doing at this hour? He looked through the peephole, but couldn't see anyone. He opened the door, and that's when he noticed a piece of paper on the ground. Quagmire picked it up and inspected the writing.
I SAW YOU WITH BRIAN AT THAT PARTY. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. I'M WARNING YOU, STAY AWAY FROM HIM. BRIAN IS MINE!
What?! What was this?! Quagmire looked around outside, but there was no sign of anyone. Disturbed, he went inside and threw the paper. Surely it was some kind of joke. Nobody was actually threatening him over his crush on Brian, right?
Right?
YOU ARE READING
My Heart Goes Giggity (QuagmireXBrian)
HumorQuagmire hated Brian. He hated his writing, his political opinions, his self-righteousness. He thought he would always hate Brian until one night, when everything changed. However, soon after, Quagmire starts receiving anonymous threats warning him...
