Wayward Wolf

Melting

Evelyn

I'm a little bummed when I wake up and Ray isn't in bed with me anymore. I can only hope I didn't chase him out of his own bed. I've heard from Val, Carrie, and Sylvie that I move around like a maniac in my sleep. Rabid animal is the phrase they used. It'd not only be horribly embarrassing, but a little sad if I kept Ray up all night with my tossing and turning. What if I hit him?

Last night was probably the best sleep I've ever had, surrounded by Ray's scent. I want that every night, only if I can curb my nighttime thrashing.

Covering my face, I groan a little before rolling out of bed, spurred on by the smell of coffee wafting under the door. If I'm being honest, I'm a little grateful that Ray can't see me in the mornings because I know my hair can look a bit like a bird tried to build a nest in it. He's leaning against the counter in the same place he was yesterday morning, sipping a cup of coffee and eyes fixed on the wall ahead of him.

"Good morning," I say, still wondering if I did sleep like a crazy person last night.

Ray just grunts, swallowing a mouthful of coffee before saying, "You kick a lot in your sleep."

"I'm sorry. My sister-in-law's told me the same thing. I used to roll out of bed a lot as a kid. Dad says I'm lucky I'm so hard headed or it would've hurt more. So sorry again if I hit you or anything."

Shrugging, Ray takes his coffee and slowly maneuvers around me and into the living room. Our morning follows similarly to yesterday, minus the phone conversation with Frankie. Ray listens to the news and I sit beside him with a mug of coffee and try not to fall back asleep. It's so nice and peaceful, I could see every morning being like this, except maybe I could sit a little closer. The foot between us might as well be a crevice.

"The snow is supposed to let up today," Ray mentions.

Immediately, a metaphorical pit begins to open in my stomach. Leaving is the last thing I want to do, but this is Ray's home and unless he asks me to stay, it's what I'll have to do. I don't even know where we stand now. Does he get that excited squirming in his guts like I do when we're together? Do I smell as good to him as he does to me? Or is he counting down the minutes until I'm finally out of his hair? I want to ask, but I worry the answer will just break my heart.

The afternoon is spent with Ray's nose buried in a book, his fingers occasionally stalling on the pages like he forgot he's supposed to be moving them. A part of me wants to find something on TV, but the voice guide is obnoxious. Instead, I look at photos of Ryan, Nicky, Nay, and Emme to distract myself from how much leaving is going to hurt. The triplets are turning two in the spring and the second the two girls got moving, it was Hell on Earth. And if anyone even looks at Ryan funny, they kick up a fuss like no one's business. Ryan's still just as quiet and sweet as ever while Emme looks like she is, but even at just under a year she's already a sassy pants. It all just makes me want my own even more.

The entire time my eyes keep glancing towards the window, watching as the snowfall grows lighter and lighter before eventually it stops altogether. Am I supposed to just leave now? Maybe the road is still covered in snow and I won't be able to go anywhere for another day or two. That would be nice. It would give me time to pull on my big girl pants and have a conversation with Ray about what could happen between us. Already my instincts have latched onto him and it's going to hurt if I don't see him again.

An hour passes as I debate with myself about what to say or do. A part of me wants to just throw caution to the wind and kiss the absolute crap out of Ray, but that would be taking advantage, and it wouldn't actually solve the problem of having that conversation. Do I just blurt out that I'm smitten with him after only two full days and all I want is to tie myself to his bed so he can't make me leave?