Wayward Wolf

Family

Evelyn

It's been nearly a week since we lost Frankie and Ray hasn't been well. Not that I'd expect him to be. I just wish I could get him to do more than lie in bed. At least when one of the kids comes over, he'll try to play with them. Emme helps him the most I think, and I know Trev and Sylvie have been bringing her around more often to cheer him up. We still haven't gone back to his house, and I don't know if we ever will. Maybe he'll feel better when Joey comes this weekend, and they can finally put Frankie to rest.

Today is Emme's first birthday. A day that's supposed to be filled with joy and celebration. And we've all done our best to make today a good one, but we all feel it. Even Trav has been a little somber despite how much he disliked Frankie, even up until the end. We all had dinner and watched Emme obliterate a little cake Sylvie made for the occasion. She opened presents with the help of her older cousins and got a variety of new clothes and toys to occupy herself with. All the while she was attached to Ray like a baby koala. I think somehow, she can sense him struggling and is trying in her limited capacity to make him feel better. And Ray doesn't seem to mind.

Everyone plans to stay the night as we can all tell that Val will probably be shifting tonight, and we try to take the time to all shift together even though she never remembers any of it. The littles are all sleeping strewn across Ray's outstretched legs as he sits on the floor, unlucky Nicky having to practically lay over his feet. My siblings and I occupy the sofa while a movie plays softly on TV, although Val and Trav are holed up in their old room waiting for her to fall asleep. It's easier for the rest of us if we just stay up and wait because then we don't have to wake up. Although the kids will be a little cranky tomorrow because of their interrupted sleep, it's important for them to bond with everyone together while shifted.

I play with Ray's hair, twirling the strands between my fingers while I try to watch the movie. I've been so focused on helping Ray through his grief that I've barely thought about myself. The only chance I had was a brief conversation with Mom about how she's dealt with losing patients. She said it's always hard, no matter how many times it happens, but that it gets easier as time passes. I keep telling myself that I did everything I could, but it's hard to make myself believe that. It feels like it's my fault. It was my stalker that attacked him and, despite all my training, I couldn't save him. A deep exhaustion has settled into my bones and I don't have much of an appetite. But trying to take care of Ray has been a good way to keep things off my mind.

Emme stretches across Ray's chest with a whine before settling back in, her head resting against his bicep. We all look down at her, and I can't help the way I long for the day that it's our baby sleeping in Ray's arms. It felt wrong to think of the future after everything that's happened.

My inner turmoil is interrupted when Trav's bedroom door opens, drawing everyone's attention. Val comes racing over to nose at the triplets, her tail wagging. It amazes me how excitable and puppy like Val's fur side is, but her skin side is still asleep, so she runs mostly on instinct. She's similar when she's drunk. No inhibitions or anxieties making her keep her head down.

The babies wake up and start shifting excitedly. Emme is still a bit of a fluff puddle and her legs wobble and slip as she tries to keep up with her bigger cousins. The triplets are still chaotic balls of fur, but their feet are a little more stable. They follow Val toward the front door though we have to carry them down the stairs because they haven't quite figured out how to get down them with four legs. Mom and Dad exit their room when they hear the commotion of all the little claws scratching on the floor.

"How long is this gonna last?" Trev asks. "Because I'm so fudging tired."

"It'll last as long as it lasts, Trev. Don't be a baby," Trav responds, carrying the girls under one arm and Ryan under the other.