Sentience

15

"But, Changmin..."

Those two words were enough to stop Changmin from taking a picture of the dandelion he found by accident, and he glanced over his shoulder to where the voice erupted from. A pair of hopeful eyes were staring at him lovingly as they finally looked at each other, a swift move of her lips to form a smile.

She might have been so lonely when the boy did not come yesterday. Or the worst was, what if she had been waiting like how she used to wait for her daughter to come home? If yes, how long had she spent yesterday waiting for him? God, don't let it happen, the thought was enough to build a wall of guilt inside his heart.

The boy then rose to his feet, awaiting for continuation with full of anticipation. Then, he unknowingly smiled the same as Mother threw out her curiosity.

"When will you bring Belle here?"

He faked a gasp, acting offended. "Now, you prefer her more than me? Should I just go home now?"

The lady giggled, beckoning him to sit next to her on the bench. Her gesture was full of love, a motherly love to be exact. Which, Changmin could not help but think, how Anne willingly let this woman go? Did she not even once miss this kind of treatment from Mother? Who had given her the same love while she was away?

What a shame, Changmin thought as he plopped down on the long bench, staring at Mother with the same loving stare.

"If anything, I am so grateful that God sent you to me," she reached for his hand, slightly squeezing to spread her warmth. "It's just... it has been so long since I saw a girl your age. Belle just reminded me of Anne."

Changmin blinked once while his lips pursed into a thin line. Their entangled hands were now had changed their position; he was grasping hers lovingly.

"Don't worry about it, Mother," he assured. "One day when Belle comes, you will be the happiest person on Earth."

A slight flinch was seen, and Mother's brows furrowed ever so slightly. Ah, she doesn't know yet, Changmin simply thought. For a brief moment, the boy forgot that he hadn't disclosed his plan yet to Mother. To have Belle as her fake daughter.

However, he did not plan to tell. It was supposed to be a surprise for her and him as well. Truth be told, he was anticipating to see how the lady would react to the plan one day. Perhaps, she would be crying and much to his hatred to see her cry, he hoped he would get the chance to see it.

For, it would be a happy tears.

Until the day came, he would avoid such topics to be discussed. So, Changmin swerved into a different emotion.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to come yesterday. Did you wait for me?" He pondered, sad eyes staring at her next.

"Of course, I was waiting..." Mother answered and Changmin's heart broke into thousands of pieces. What had he done to this fragile woman?

"I'm sorry... I am really sorry," he portrayed his apology ever so purely, Changmin swore if he was needed to kneel on the ground, he would. Anything for him to be forgiven. "I never thought to save your contact number or something. I should've done it first thing."

One hand balled into a fist, swiftly swung, and hit his head. Changmin was mad at himself.

In the matter of his sentience, he'd always gone hard on himself. The thought of failing to help someone he wished to help always scared him to the core; the disappointment would haunt him for so long. That had been the reason why he was eager to help, though that sometimes would've risked his friendship.

Mother immediately held his hand before he could swing another hit. "I didn't take it to heart. So, you don't have to blame yourself."

"But, I made you wait."

Mother chuckled, she was now holding both of Changmin's hands. "I was waiting for you because you came every day. I'm not lying that I wondered why did you skip, I was worried if anything happened to you. But..."

She paused; probably just to tease the boy's patience. Her eyes glimmered with something that Changmin couldn't decipher easily, no emotion could be seen clearly on her face either. For a brief moment, it scared him. What if my sentience is dead? He thought alone.

But, then, he found himself releasing relief breath when Mother finally showed a familiar expression. Something that Changmin could identify easily this time at how his real mother had expressed the same feeling towards him back home. Specifically when Mother placed her palm on his cheek; which he unknowingly had nuzzled in, wanting the warmth.

It's love, he confirmed.

"I know that I can't rely on you constantly. Whether you come or not, whether you care or not, you are still someone's son who is kind enough to share your love with me," she continued, her thumb softly caressing the boy's soft cheek. "So, never think that I was mad because you were not coming."

Late evening, while the sun slowly moved down the horizon, orange hues from the sky illuminated them, Changmin felt tears brimming in his eyes.

It was weird. He grew up in a family who ruled that love should be loudly expressed towards each other; whether in words or actions. It was compulsory. He was not supposed to find it weird; he shouldn't have thought or felt that it was hard to adapt when he accidentally felt it from someone else.

However, right now, an unfamiliar feeling started blooming inside his heart.

It broke him more realizing that he might've unveiled the lady's personality. She would be a good mother, the one who would express her love deliberately. Just like his real mother. But, the fact that this lady wasn't able to show it to her daughter unknowingly had dropped a loner tear from Changmin's left eye.

"Why are you crying?" Mother immediately wiped out the stain formed.

"I just realized that you could be a good mother," the boy casually answered while holding back tears.

But, the reply from the lady only broke him more.

"I am no mother, Changmin. The day Anne left me, I'm not a mother anymore. I am only a woman who just lives my life on the track until I find the end point which I hope is not too far. For what I live longer if Anne; my world, is not coming back to me?"