Sentience

36

At the staircase leading to the rooftop, they agreed to skip classes.

Sitting next to each other, staring into spaces, and the story starts with Belle pointing out her stance. "I was trying to figure out the possibility why she only remembered Anne; Brianna. But, the more I think about it, I am convinced that it's all because of a heap of guilt she had for her firstborn. And I insanely feel fine. I don't want her to remember me at all."

"Belle..." A hint of sternness could easily be detected, lacing Changmin's tone, snapping the girl out of her current emotion. She was too engrossed, and that shouldn't be supposed to happen.

For, this session should be neutral.

"She spoke the truth, Changmin," Belle plucked the courage to look him through the eyes; surprise filling in. She unknowingly chuckled, glancing down at the small space between them as she recalled the past. "I was the one who suggested we leave the house."

"Why?"

"Because Brianna was suffering."

The moment they looked at each other again, Changmin felt his heart wrenched so much. There was a bead of tear urging to drip from her eye which the boy didn't hesitate to reach over with his thumb, drying it up before it could fall.

"Talk, Belle... I can hear you out."

Arabelle then started the storytelling, not intending to leave even a small detail behind.

At the peak of her teen days, her parents used to fight a lot. But, she never felt any difference in her day because Brianna had shifted her attention to something else. And that she never felt surprised when they split up; both she and Brianna stayed with their mother as instructed by the court.

Belle wasn't sure what was happening in the household, but the impact of the divorce led her mother to be so stressed, which then gave her a new personality to be aggressive. She wouldn't hesitate to throw hands or beat her child; Brianna suffered from the bruises.

The girl barely received attention from her mother anymore. It often was her sister who took care of her in every aspect; Brianna was gaslighting her with a simple 'Mom is busy, so don't mess up with her'.

"Little did I know, she said that to protect me," Belle said, holding back tears. "Brianna didn't want me to get beaten. Just like her."

Belle then continued, telling him how the abusiveness getting uncontrollable the more days passed that unknowingly turned into years. She could see how Brianna endured the pain but acted strong in front of her. Even when she confronted her, the sister would always assure her that she was fine and nothing to worry about.

The biggest regret Arabelle had was that she believed the older.

Until at one point, she'd had enough of the suffering. Somewhere within her final year of high school, she made up her mind to stop all the nonsensical behaviour of her mother by going to her father, who had never turned up after the failed marriage.

Brianna, surprisingly, was in contact with their father, secretly. Digging into the older's phone, Belle found out that her father had remarried; his baby was born a few months prior. She managed to get his address from the exchanged texts the two had, and so Belle shamelessly rang the bell, greeting her new-found family.

Despite the anger of being abandoned by her own father, Arabelle met with a surprise. Her stepmother was so glad to see her like they had known each other before, pulling her into the most loving embrace and even letting her see Jinwoo.

Belle didn't understand even one bit. She came to the house to let her father know what was happening to her and Brianna. She wanted to be saved but the picture unveiled made her super confused.

"Little did I know... he never abandoned us," Belle chuckled. "It was Brianna who told him not to come see us. Because she was scared that Dad would find out about the suffering. Brianna was protecting Mom."

"Gosh..." Changmin's heart skipped a beat.

"But, what hurt me was..." Tears finally wet Belle's cheeks. "My sister was supposed to live with Dad when she turned 20... But, she refused because I was still in high school and had to live with Mom. She didn't want to leave me behind, being a replacement for the abusiveness to take place."

"Belle..." Changmin felt the urge to cry. He seemed to understand now why Belle was too reliant on Brianna. "You two were protecting each other. Hadn't it, you wouldn't go to your father."

A bit assured, Belle drew a small smile with wet eyes as she looked at Changmin.

"So, that was when you left Mother..." The boy combined the pieces. "But, why does Mother never keep your baby pictures?"

"I threw it away before we left the house. I don't want to be remembered by a monster."

Changmin could say that Belle was quite rude when she said that. The normal him who had never encountered this side of her would feel so red listening to it, his ears felt itchy. However, this time, he tried to be understanding and trying to put himself in her position. Which, he could assure that he would be the same.

Belle then sighed, wiping out the tears from her cheeks. "I can't bring myself to forgive her."

"But, she is still your mother."

"Who killed her own daughter?"

"Huh?"

"She killed Brianna, Changmin."

A long pause of the time together with the boy's breath. How does it escalate to this, was what he thought.

Right now, as Changmin dove into Belle's eyes, he could see pure anger. She was serious about her feelings. Never mind, it was about her own mother.

"You know the story, don't you?" She questioned. "About my sister collapsed after her class?"

The boy subconsciously nodded, vividly remembering the day the ambulance was presented. He and Chanhee were in the photography club when the sirens blared, and through the window, he saw Belle fall to the ground as her sister was brought into the ambulance.

"It was... a few days before she passed away, wasn't it?" The boy pondered and Belle hummed, confirming the guess.

"Everything happened so fast..." She sniffled, mustering her courage to recall the dreadful day that had changed her whole life. "Brianna suffered from internal bleeding, which occurred during the years she took the beat. She was in so much pain but she never told us. Because she was immune to all the beating, she thought the pain would pass."

Changmin somehow felt his world collapse. Brianna was the closest senior to him and Chanhee yet none of them really cared to know the cause of her passing. They attended the funeral yet none dared to ask.

And right now, when the truth had been unveiled, he felt regret as well. If Brianna didn't tell her family about being in pain, maybe Changmin could; if only he noticed.

"Why she couldn't be saved?" He found himself asking.

"Because it was too late..." Belle paused again, staring up at the ceiling to stop the tears from forming. "Dad had been arranging a treatment but her condition deteriorated so fast. Faster than our moves."

"Belle..."

At the call of her name, suddenly, the girl burst into real tears. Her chest was so full of overwhelming feelings for losing a sister and to accept the fact that someone who she was supposed to feel warmth with, someone who would protect her at all cost, was now her enemy for being a killer.

Changmin felt his heart shattered at the wail which now echoed. What he could do to calm her down was only give her a few comforting pats on her arms, hoping that she could feel his heart. That was the very least he could do.

"I know all this is hurting you but..." He paused, gulping next. "You're treating yourself like an outsider around your stepmom... I assumed that you might have felt something else."

Belle remained silent, head full of voices. Then she questioned, "What are you trying to imply?"

The boy sighed, a bit hesitant at first but he overcame it with a wave of confidence.

"Don't you miss your mother, Belle?"