Lately, I've Tried Other Things || Buddie

When You Get a Taste

"He doing okay?" Eddie's voice is tired, almost broken. Not too long since he woke up, and it sure sounds like it.

"Better than me." He lets out a small huff of air. "Umm..." He looks away. This isn't something he wants to see Eddie's reaction to. He slowly forces himself to look at him again, no matter how much it hurts. At this moment, Eddie deserves sincerity. "I kinda lost it when I told him you got shot." Buck can't decide if it's his words, or the pain, or the tiredness that leave Eddie looking so broken. Either way, it leaves him with a pain that is impossible to ignore. Something more than just seeing a friend hurt. "I- I'm sorry. I... should've held it together."

Now Eddie is the one who has to look away. "You were there for him when I couldn't be; that's what matters." Sure, the image of his son being left alone haunts him. The thought of leaving him so soon... but there is one thing that brings him comfort, the image of Buck being right by his side, there for him. If he had to leave so soon, he'd feel comfort in knowing Chris had Buck. And just as if Buck could hear his thoughts and felt the need to combat them...

"Still... I think it would have been better for him if I was the one who got shot." Buck's gaze drifts away as he speaks, he misses that Eddie's gaze falls back to him. "I think I would have been better off if I was the one who got shot."

Tell him. Tell him. It's the only thing that runs through Eddie's head. "Buck-"

"You know... it hit me... Your blood, not the bullet." And about a million other things too... "My shirt, my arms, some on my hands... and my lips. I tasted your blood Eddie and I... once I calmed down after talking to Chris, I went straight into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth at least twenty times trying to get rid of the taste. It's still not gone. I don't think it'll ever be gone. Sometimes I look down and I'm just... covered. I swear it's embedded in my skin. No matter what I do, it's still there. You're still there. Eddie I- I tasted your blood before I ever got a chance-" to kiss you. To taste your lips. He cuts himself off before the words come out. "Fuck." he throws his head into his hands as a few tears leave his eyes.

Eddie leans his head back again, unable to look at Buck when he says it. "I need to break up with Ana."

Buck tears his head away from his hands. He's not sure if Eddie is trying to distract him, or if this is just what he wants to talk about, but whatever Eddie wants right now is what Buck will do. "Why? I mean... she stayed with you the whole time, Eddie. She was there for you."

"And you were there for Chris."

"Okay... but what does that have to do with Ana?"

"I uhh... about a year ago, you know, after the well... Buck, I almost didn't make it out, and I almost didn't make it out again."

"I know that. I was there both times and-"

"Yeah, you're always there, Buck..." His voice is so soft, so kind. Still very tired, but Buck can hear something else there too. "After the well, I talked to my lawyer about my will. If I... if there was a time I didn't make it out, you would be the one to take care of Chris."

"Eddie I- what about his grandparents."

"Chris loves them, and they're good to him, but the way they raise their children is a whole lot different from how they treat their grandchildren and... that's just not what I want for him."

"I guess it'd probably be better for him to stay in LA too, I mean... a place he's used to, where all his friends are."

"No, Buck. I- I didn't change my will because I thought he should stay in LA, I... I changed it because I trust you, you're the one I want raising my kid if I can't do it, and if we're being honest here, you kinda already do help me raise him. I didn't pick you because you're in LA, I picked you because you're you, Buck."