Tale as old as Time

Six: your friendly neighbourhood drag queen

Varian woke up to a much larger crowd of objects, including a wardrobe, staring at him. "Uh, hi." He said. "Is there anything I can help you with?" Eugene smiled. "Well, of course." He said. "We're taking you to dinner." Varian raised an eyebrow. "I thought if I didn't eat with your friend, I wouldn't eat at all." Eugene shook his head. "Yeah, well, what Cassandra doesn't know won't hurt her." He said. "And besides, we rarely get any guests, and it's been forever since we've gotten to do anything for anyone." Eugene gestured to the wardrobe. "Take it away, Nigel."

"Oh, we have a visitor." The wardrobe said, opening a pair of heavily masqueraded eyes. "Please tell me you aren't one of those straight men that doesn't wear dresses." Varian looked down at what he was wearing. "Well, I uh, sometimes wear an apron." He said. "And I'm bisexual. Does that count?" He asked hopefully. The wardrobe sighed. "Yeah, honey, no." He said. "Just close your eyes, and leave everything to your friendly neighborhood drag queen."

Varian did not close his eyes. "First step, lose the apron of yours." Nigel said. "We're not making cookies, we're getting you ready for dinner. Hopefully a dinner with her highness if she ever comes around." Varian didn't want to run into Cassandra again, but didn't want to hurt everyone's feelings. "Okay, here goes." Nigel said, and opened the wardrobe doors. "I'm thinking blue."

Before Varian could do anything, blue fabric started to swirl out of the wardrobe, and surround him. Eugene clapped two of his candles together approvingly. Rapunzel, Lance, and the teacups seemed happy as well. Varian opened his eyes, and looked down. He was wearing a somewhat dress, on top of his normal outfit no less, but it wasn't actually a bad look. The dress was short, and the shade went perfectly over Varian's teal shirt and brown pants. His hair was pulled back with a blue ribbon, but he was still wearing his goggles. Not bad.

"There." Nigel said triumphantly. "Now if it was me, I'd say high heels, but judging by your work boots, you'd probably say no." Varian nodded. He most definitely would. "Wow." Rapunzel said, and hopped up onto the bed. "You look so cute, Varian. I'm sure Cass will be happy to see you." Varian wasn't so sure about that.

"So, why am I getting all dressed up to have dinner with Cassandra?" He asked. "I mean, no offense, but I don't think she likes me very much." Rapunzel laughed softly. "Cass doesn't like most people." She said. "But you did try to run away when you saw her, so that's a good start." That wasn't particularly encouraging to Varian.

"Look, even if Cassandra doesn't come around, we're just excited to have a guest to entertain." The teapot said, and hopped onto the bed next to where Varian was sitting. "It's been forever." Varian looked down at the ornately painted teapot. "I'm not sure I've made your acquaintance." He said awkwardly. It was still sort of surreal that he was introducing himself to a teapot.

"Oh, how polite." The teapot said happily. "I'm Arianna, and the two lovely teacups there are Angry and Catalina." She said with a smile. The teacups hopped up and down, which was probably their way of waving hello. "My husband Frederick is the coat rack downstairs." Arianna said sadly. "It's been a while since I've seen him. Taking the stairs is risky for someone as breakable as myself, and my husband can't really climb."

That made Varian sad, but it also made him think. Talking teapots were one thing. Talking teapots that were married were another. "You all used to be human, didn't you?" Varian asked. The objects looked around, like they weren't sure how they should respond to that.

"Yes." Arianna finally said. "We're under a curse, same as Princess Cassandra." Varian frowned. "How come?" He asked. "I mean, I can see why someone would curse Cassandra, but you all seem like nice people."

"We just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." Eugene said. "We were the castle staff, and got cursed alongside the princess." He said with a sigh. "Though I suppose we had our part to play in it. We all knew how Cassandra was, but none of us ever thought to step in or say anything." Varian still didn't think that was right.