The Religious & The Damaged

28

Joseph

  I hug Elias outside of his apartment—it's the morning after I spent the night with him.

  His grasp tightens around me, and I return the gesture.

  I appreciate the moment as much as I can because I know what awaits me at home.

  He leans back. "Thank you for staying." He says.

  I nod. "You're welcome." I reply. "I'll see you Monday."

  He smiles in response, and I turn and walk towards the door leading to the stairs, and I descend them to the lobby.

  When I get home, I walk through the front door and immediately, I'm pushed into the wall—head first, and my father's piercing voice follows.

  He says, "You ingrate." His voice is harsh; it's chilling.

  I let out a shaky breath, and I quickly realize that I'm crying—fear washes over me.

  "S-Sir-" It's hard to speak.

  My head is pounding from how hard I hit it against the wall, it's hard not to pass out.

  His hand wraps around my arm and he tugs me out of the room. I stumble as I struggle to keep up with his speed.

  I shut my eyes tightly—in hope that this is all just a nightmare and I'll wake up, but I don't.

  This is my reality.

  I wince under his harsh hold and flinch as he slams open the closet door just out of the kitchen.

  He shoves me in, and I fall to the floor—my hands catching my fall.

  "I don't ask much from you." He barks, and I sit up slowly, but he kicks me back down and I yelp as I feel the infliction on my ribs. "You disobey me time after time again." He speaks through his teeth as he sends another kick to my side; it's much harder than the last.

  I try not to react, but it's hard—I hold my side as tears force themselves from my eyes.

  He tugs me to sit up, and I hear his belt unbuckle. "How many times do I have to punish you to get it through your thick skull?"

  My lips press tightly together as shaky, harsh breaths escape through my nose and tears flow down my face—it stings.

  My face feels hot. My heart aches at his never ending insults.

  "Your mother never learned either, but I'll make sure that you learn, no matter.." I wince at the sudden swing of the belt. "How many times I have to punish you." He finishes.

  I think back to Kelsey's words from yesterday morning: "You don't deserve that, Seph."

  I don't deserve it.

  He hits me again.

  I don't deserve it.

  Again.

  I don't deserve it.

  I don't want to live like this anymore; I just want to live.

  I don't deserve it.

  I wince at each passing whip, and I can feel as the warm sensation of blood falls down my back.

  He's calling me things like: A disappointment and waste of space, but I just try to think back to those four words, over and over again.

  I don't deserve it.

  My hands clutch onto my pants, and I feel the teardrops fall on my hands with such gentleness.