The Religious & The Damaged

END

Joseph

  I wake up at the feeling of my hair being pushed to the side, and I open my eyes.

  Elias holds a gentle smile on his face and a glass of water in his hand.

  "You told me to wake you at 9."

  I groan lightly and sit up—my head is pounding.

  "How do you feel?" He asks.

  "Like crap. I thought taking a nap would help." I reply, and he sits down next to me and holds out his hands.

  "I figured it wouldn't, so here."

  I take the water and pill from him with a thanks.

  I stare down into the cup once I swallow the pill and I'm reminded of last night; of what I did.

  I didn't apologize this morning because I wanted to be a bit more sober and in the right mindset to be able to do it properly.

  "I was a jerk last night-"

  "It's okay."

  I look at him, my expression serious and simultaneously apologetic.

  "But it's not. I pushed you and that's not okay."

  He smiles in a way I can't depict, but it's gentle.

  My brows furrow upward, a sense of regret running through me.

  "I don't like it when I drink either.. I turn into somebody I'm trying to forget, into a person I don't want to be anymore, but those feelings and emotions still reside inside of me." I inhale sharply. "And I hate it. It just reminds me that through all my hard work these past few months, it's ultimately for nothing because deep down I know those emotions won't ever go away. It's me. I'm him."

  He shakes his head immediately at that and takes my hand into his.

  "You're not." He speaks clearly, but it still holds a gentleness. He continues. "You could never be like that."

  I stare at him, my expression fragile now.

  I want to believe him, but how I acted last night and most of high school—it's hard to.

  "I have a short temper, a need of control, and I'm aggressive. I'm just like him." I say.

  "You're gentle and compassionate. You care so deeply about the people in your life, you're fearless in that way."

  He leans forward to meet my gaze because I look away—his brows are raised.

  "He's the exact opposite." He finishes.

  I shake my head lightly. "I just.."

  My words trail off because I don't know how to word what I want to say; what I feel is too complicated to explain, and I think I'm still too intoxicated to find the right words.

  "I don't think you realize how much you've grown." I look up. "When I met you, you were closed off to the entire world and you really only thought one way because that's how you were raised; you were raised to believe what you are is wrong. You think you were angry and aggressive, but you were just hurting and so deeply damaged."