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𝐝𝐚𝐛𝐢 i woke up to the feeling of her against me—soft, steady, warm. for a second, i didn't know where i was, didn't want to remember. but then, it all hit me. the kiss. her tears. the way i stayed, even though i knew i shouldn't have.
shit. what the hell am i still doing here?
i shifted, trying not to wake her. y/n hadn't even changed out of that dress from earlier. she looked... peaceful, like none of the mess surrounding us could touch her here. her breathing was soft, calm, and i couldn't help but just watch her for a second. what the hell was i thinking? staying like this? pretending for one night that things were simple, that i could have her without everything else falling apart?
careful not to make noise, i slid out of bed. the room felt smaller all of a sudden, like it was closing in on me, reminding me of all the things i tried to bury. i headed to the bathroom, needing space to think, needing to get my head straight.
i turned on the light and looked at myself in the mirror. the scars, the skin, the wreckage of what i used to be. what she still saw through, somehow. i splashed water on my face, but it didn't help. that kiss... it rattled me. i wasn't supposed to feel this way. i'd been so sure that i could keep things distant, casual, that she wouldn't get to me. but she did.
damn it, touya, what are you doing?
and then, i remembered what i said to her. that we could run. leave it all behind. start somewhere new. there was a part of me that actually believed it when i said it, that thought it might be possible. for a second, i could almost picture it. me and her, far away from all this, living a life that never had a place for me. but that's a lie. as long as hawks and the todorokis are still in her life, there's no running. there's no peace. it's impossible.
hawks. just the thought of him pisses me off. he's got his claws in her, even if she doesn't see it. and the todoroki clan... goddamn enji. i hate that she's still tied to them. it'd be easier if she could just let go. but i know better than anyone—it's not that simple.
then there's natsuo. out of all of them, he's the one i feel... something for. we were always closest. he's the only one who might actually feel it if i was gone for good. sure, i want revenge. i want to burn everything to the ground. but when it comes to natsuo... i can't pretend like it wouldn't hurt him. the idea of him finding out that the last piece of touya was gone for good... it hits me harder than i want to admit.
even with all the rage, the hate, the need for vengeance, there's still that piece of me that cares about him. and i hate it. i hate that i can't just cut that off like the rest of it.
i leaned over the sink, gripping the sides as i tried to get my breathing under control. what do i even want anymore? i thought i had it all figured out, but now... everything's tangled. the kiss confirmed it—i want her. not just for tonight. not just for the sake of my memories. but i want more. i want her in ways that make no sense, given where i am and what i'm doing.
but how can i have her when i'm standing on the edge of a war? when time's running out and everything i've been building is about to come crashing down?
i stared at myself in the mirror again, trying to figure out who the hell i even am right now. touya? dabi? does it even matter?
with a deep breath, i shut off the light and walked back to the room. she was still asleep, the clock on her phone glowing faintly in the dark. it was late. too late for me to still be here, lingering in a place i don't belong. i should leave. there's no time for this, no space in my life for... whatever the hell this is turning into.
i moved to her side again, pulling the sheets around her a little tighter. part of me still couldn't believe she'd fallen asleep like this, next to me, after everything. she still believes in me, even after all these years. and that scares the hell out of me.
i leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead—something i'd never done before, and something i wouldn't admit to anyone. not even her.
"happy birthday," i whispered, knowing she wouldn't hear it.
and just like that, i turned to leave. i had to. staying here any longer would only make it harder. the league's waiting. war's coming. and there's no room for this kind of softness where i'm headed.
but as i walked out the door, i couldn't shake the feeling that maybe... maybe there could've been another path. one where we could've run away like i'd said. one where i wasn't just dabi, consumed by revenge, but touya, the boy she still sees beneath the scars.
