Billie eilish x fem!reader
Warnings: talks of self harm, cutting, blood, little bit sexual, angst, age regression towards the end, hurt/comfort
Request: So I was wondering if it could be Billie x R and we relapsed and hid it from her but she saw it on the inside of R thighs when going down in her (lunch vibes lol) and just really angsty and fluffy. maybe bil gets mad and R slips into little space? 100% up to you I just need some comfort :)
for my request maybe maggie or finneas saw scars elsewhere too and told billie. just an idea. I want you to have room to write💕
You didn't mean to. You really didn't, but it was too hard not to. The familiar feeling welcoming you in the worst ways possible. It felt like you weren't even human, you couldn't feel anything but yet you could feel everything all at once. Feeling the cold metal blade in your hand, looking down at your thighs, seeing the blood coat them. You felt satisfied for a second but then the guilt creeped in and you felt yourself tearing up. You sat on the bathroom floor sobbing, holding yourself as you cried.
After about half an hour, you tried to clean yourself up as best you could and started to get dressed. What you didn't know that Maggie was coming up the stairs into the room to check on you, since finneas and Maggie were over at y'all's house to keep you company since billie isn't here right now. You were putting on a oversized shirt when Maggie slightly opened the door to see you changing and caught a glimpsed of your thighs. She quickly shut the door as quietly as she could and let out a shaky breath.
Maggie quickly went down the stairs and let finneas know what she saw. They were both extremely worried about you and decided to call Billie right away. When she answered, they immediately told her about what had happened. How Maggie went to go check on you and she accidentally saw you changing and saw the cuts on your thighs. The phone went silent until finneas broke it by asking if billie was okay and she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "No. She would have come to me. She promised me that she wouldn't do that anymore and I made the same promise to her." Was all that billie said before she abruptly hung up.
It was the next day and that's when Billie had a day off so the two of you could spend some quality time together. She was leaving kisses down your body, her kisses light and gentle as she goes down even further. Her hands bunched up your shirt and started kissing your thighs. When her lips made contact with your scabbed over skin she immediately pulled away harshly making your heart drop when you realized you got caught. "B-billie I-" you started but she interrupted you. "You promised. My mom said she saw the cuts and she told finneas and they called me. I didn't believe them. Why didn't you come to me?" She said, her voice becoming a little louder with each word.
"I-I'm sorry..". Was all you said and she got off the bed, hands buried in her hair as she tries to process all of this. You were panicking, was she gonna leave you? Was this how you were going to lose her? The thoughts wouldn't stop racing through your mind and In less than five minutes you were slipping into your headspace. Billie was in heels own world when she didn't even see her girlfriend shut down and go into her headspace but when she looked back over you had this dazed looked on your face which confused her. "Oh so you have nothing to say now?" She snapped not realizing what she had done. You whimpered and hid yourself under the covers, your body starting to shake as you quietly sobbed. Billies face drained color as she realized that she had fucked up.
She was so angry and mad at herself for not noticing you struggling that she didn't know that you had shut down. She carefully went over to you and removed the covers from over you, her heart breaking as she sees your scared and sad expression on your face. "Babygirl...mommy is so sorry." She says with a soft voice making you look up at her. "Sowwy...". You whimpered out as you apologized for everything. You didn't mean to break her promise, you truly didn't, but you were struggling mentally so bad and you didn't want to bother Billie. She shakes her head and takes your red face into her soft hands. "You have no reason to apologize princess. Mommy was just so mad at herself because I couldn't help you and I'm so sorry." She apologized as tears gathered in her eyes making you worry.
You climb into her lap and started wiping her tears away which makes her chuckles at how truly amazing and kind you are. "Tis Otay mommy...". You said, wrapping your arms around her. "Please babygirl. If you ever have bad and scary thoughts you can always come to mommy okay? That goes for your big self too." She said, lifting your chin up so you can look into her eyes as she speaks. You nodded and laid your head on her chest, her heartbeat making you sleepy. "I'll always be here for you princess. No matter what. You are the strongest and bravest little one I know. Mommy will love you till the day that she dies."
A/n: this one is for @boredandneedfanfics and for anyone that is struggling. Know that I see you and that everything will be okay <3 I hope y'all enjoy and Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! Take care of yourselves. I love y'all :) Halloween/fall/kinktober requests are still opened!
