The Little Merman Glee Edition

Chapter 3

On a tiny island, Scuttle the seagull hums a song and looks through his telescope.

Scuttle: (singing) Fourteen hundred and ninety-two, dah-de-dum dee-do-do, rum-dim-dim, dee-do-dee-do

Scuttle sticks his telescope on his head

Kurt: Scuttle!

Scuttle: (looking through the telescope the wrong way, making Kurt appear farther away, shouting) Whoa! Merman off the port bow! Kurt, how you doin' kid?

Scuttle lowers the telescope to reveal Kurt at wing's length

Scuttle: Whoa, what a swim!

Kurt: Scuttle - look what we found.

Kurt pulls up his bag and hands it to Scuttle.

Pavarotti: Yeah - we were in this sunken ship - it was really creepy.

Scuttle: Human stuff, huh? Hey, lemme see. (Scuttle drops an anchor. It catches on his foot and knocks him off his perch. Rummaging through Kurt's bag, he takes out the fork.) Oh! Oh! Look at this. Wow - this is special - this is very, very unusual.

Kurt: What? What is it?

Scuttle: It's a dinglehopper! Humans use these little babies... to straighten their hair out (Scuttle twirls the fork around his feathers on top of his head.) See - just a little twirl here an' a yank there and - voiolay! (Scuttles feathers go up in a poof.) You got an aesthetically pleasing configuration of hair that humans go nuts over.

Scuttle hands the fork back to Kurt.

Kurt: A dinglehopper!

Pavarotti: (in reference to the pipe) What about that one?

Scuttle: (picking up the pipe) Ah - this I haven't seen in years. This is wonderful! A banded, bulbous - snarfblatt.

Kurt and Pavarotti: (turning to each other) Ohhh.

Scuttle: Now, the snarfblatt dates back to pre-historical times, when humans used to sit around, and stare at each other all day. It got very boring. (comes face to face with Kurt) So, they invented the snarfblatt to make fine music. Allow me. (Scuttle blows into the pipe. Seaweed pops out the other end.) (coughing) It's stuck!

Dick: (mortified) Music? Oh, the concert! Oh my God, my father's gonna kill me!

Pavarotti: The concert was today?

Scuttle: (still contemplating pipe) Maybe you could make a little planter out of it or somethin'.

Kurt: (snatching the pipe hurriedly) Uh, I'm sorry, I've gotta go. Thank you Scuttle.

Kurt waves goodbye.

Scuttle: Anytime sweetie, anytime.

Scuttle waves back as the camera zooms away. Dick and Flounder swim down. Two eels Flotsam and Jetsam slither out from under a rock ledge. The reflection of Kurt and Pavarotti swimming in the bright yellow eyes of the pair merge together, forming a projection on Sue's magical bubble. Back in her lair, Sue watches him.

Sue: Yes, hurry home, princey. We wouldn't want to miss the old daddy's celebration, now, would we? Ha! Celebration indeed. Bah! In my day, we had fantastical feasts when I lived in the palace. (Sue picks up a scared little shrimp and eats him.) And now, look at me - wasted away to practically nothing - banished and exiled and practically starving, while he and his flimsy fish-folk celebrate. (She extends her tentacles and floats down to the bottom of her lair.) Well, I'll give 'em something to celebrate soon enough. Flotsam! Jetsam! (The camera cuts to the two eels, who can magically hear Sue.) I want you to keep an extra close watch on this pretty little porcelain son of his. He may be the key to Burt's undoing...

The scene darkens, leaving only Sue's white eyes before completely going black.