In Disney's beguiling animated romp, rebellious 16-year-old merman Kurt Hummel (Chris Colfer) is fascinated with life on land. On one of his visits to the surface, which are forbidden by his controlling father, Burt Hummel, he falls for a prince. De...
In a magnificent bathroom, Kurt sits in a water tub of bubbles.
Carlotta: Washed up from a shipwreck. Oh, the poor thing. We'll have you feeling better in no time. (Carlotta splashes a bucket of water on top of his head. Will peeks out from where he's been hiding in Kurt's makeshift clothes. Carlotta picks it up, grimacing.) I'll just - I'll just get this washed for you.
Will sits in a tub of soapy water as women surround it and wash.
Woman 1: Well, you must have at least heard about this boy.
Woman 2: Well, Gretchen says... (The woman runs the clothes down a washboard and Will is pulled along with it.) ...since when has Gretchen got anything right. I mean really, this boy shows up in rags and doesn't speak- (Will is pulled through a wringer with a shirt.) Not my idea of a prince. If Blaine's looking for a boy, I know a couple of highly available ones right here...
Will crawls into the pocket of a shirt that is hung to dry. As the shirt slides past a window, he falls in headfirst. His eyes bug out as he sees dead fish on a chopping block, a boiling pot of sea creatures, and a platter of stuffed crabs. He faints. Cooper sits at the head of the table as Blaine gazes out the windows, which stretch from floor to ceiling, at the ocean.
Cooper: Oh, Blaine, be reasonable. Nice young men just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -
Blaine: I'm tellin' you, Cooper, he was real! I'm gonna find that boy - and I'm gonna marry him.
Carlotta: Ha Ha. Come on honey. Don't be shy.
Carlotta and Kurt come through the entrance. Kurt wears a pink suit.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Cooper: Oh, Blaine, isn't he a vision?
Blaine: Uh, you look - wonderful.
Cooper: (taking Kurt) Come, come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear.(Cooper and Blaine settle Kurt into a chair.) There we go - ah - quite comfy? Uh. It's - It's not often that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh Blaine? (Kurt sees a fork on the table and picks it up, combing his hair. Blaine holds a goblet and raises an eyebrow. Cooper looks perplexed. He puts it down, embarrassed. Cooper lights up his pipe and sees Kurt smiling at it. He hands it to him.) Uh, do you like it? It is rather - fine...
He blows into it, covering Cooper's face in ashes. Blaine laughs.
Carlotta: Oh, my!
Blaine: Ahem, so sorry Coop.
Carlotta: Why, Blaine, that's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks.
Kurt smiles at this. Cooper wipes his face.
Cooper: Oh, very amusing. Carlotta, my dear, what's for dinner?
Carlotta: Ooh, you're gonna love it. The chef's been fixing his specialty, stuffed crab.
Will watches Chef Louis take out a bowl of dead fish. He sings to himself as he cooks. Will quivers and hides as Louis brutalizes the sea creatures. A fish's head lands in front of a mortified Will. He hides under a leaf of lettuce to escape, but as Louis clangs down on the table with a cleaver, Will is jolted into the air. Louis raises the leaf and sees Will.
Louis: (singing) Les poissons, les poissons How I love les poissons Love to chop and to serve little fish First I cut off their heads Then I pull out their bones Ah mes oui, Ça c'est toujours delish Les poissons, les poissons Hee-hee-hee, haw-haw-haw With the cleaver I hack them in two I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried God, I love little fishes, don't you? Here's something for tempting the palette Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in 'Cause it makes it taste nice Zut alors! I have missed one! Shh. . . Sacre bleu! What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent crab? Quel domage! What a loss! You belong in the sauce With some flour, I think, just a dab Then I'll stuff you with bread It won't hurt--you'll be dead And you'll surely be lucky you are Cause its gonna be hot In my big copper pot Toodle-loo, mon poisson, au revoir! (Louis throws Will across the room to the giant silver pot. Alfred narrowly misses the boiling water and jumps out. The chef turns around to see Will on the counter. He picks him up.) What is this?
Will pinches his nose and Will flies away, landing on the handle of a saucepan. Louis tries to grab him again and his hand goes on the stove. Yowling, he reels back in pain. A pan lands on his foot and he hops about. He grabs knives from a knife block and throws them towards Will, who scampers through a small hole in the cabinet. On the counter he drops a bowl with food onto Louis' head. He runs under the cabinet again as the chef lifts an enormous knife and chops it in half. Will dashes across the floor as a knife lands in front of him. He runs between Louis' legs towards a cabinet with dishes. Louis jumps to the cabinet with a hammer. In the dining room, crashing noises are heard.
Carlotta: I think I'd better go see what Louis is up to.
The kitchen is in total disarray as Louis digs around looking for Will.
Louis: Come out you little pipsqueak and fight like a man!
Carlotta: Louis! (Louis bangs his head. Carlotta puts her hands on her hips.) What are you doing?
Louis: Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, madame.
Extinguishes the flame on his mustache. Carlotta carries out the dinner plates.
Cooper: You know, Blaine, perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?
Carlotta sets their plates down. Blaine gazes at Kurt, head in hand.
Blaine: I'm sorry, Cooper, what was that?
Cooper: You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. (Cooper lifts his plate's cover to reveal Will cowering in the salad. He motions "shh.") Get your mind off -
Kurt beckons him to hide in his plate.
Blaine: It's not a bad idea, if he's interested. (Will runs to Kurt's plate, and he covers it.) Well - whaddaya say? Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?
Kurt nods vigorously, leaning heavily on his plate's cover.
Cooper: Wonderful, now let's eat, before this crab wanders off my plate.
