Absolute Insanity: A Murder Drones Angst Fanfic - FIRST DRAFT!!

VIV: A Blade

VIV: A Blade

TW: Themes of suicide, suicide attempt, and self-loathing.
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He hung from the lamppost. The roars and whirs of the icy winds, nothing but mere white noise. The dizzying snow, dancing violently, fell upwards as he watched them scatterbrained.

Each snowflake was dissonant, yet caught in a demanding dance of entropy.

Suppose they were thoughts.

The thoughts were small, unique, and quiet. And when they followed the voice of the winds, they'd sing along. A beautiful lullaby, to rock chaos in itself to sleep. To dull down destruction, as it falls upon it — as a curtain.

Secrets hide in the fallen snow, while secrets that are yet to be found fall in the snow.

But think of them as thoughts again.

Quiet.
Apart.
Multiple.

So many.

So many snowflakes.

So many thoughts.

In reality, they weigh nothing.

They are nothing. But sparks of electric energy.

The energy molds itself into words, weapons, pleasures, weaknesses, strengths and disgusting things that must never be touched.

Such things, no matter how pretty it is, will bring nothing but pain.

Such a thing, is love.

What a lie.

What a lie, indeed.

Think of love as a tree. It has roots, branches and leaves.
Now think of love as a stump.
It's root dig deep to all it needs. But the branches have been burned, and the leaves have fallen. The trunk is gone. Leaving nothing to be hollow, and leaving a hollow nothing.

The tree bore beautiful fruits, and brought peace. It was pretty. But we can't have pretty things; because nothing is pretty. Except things that hide the ugliness.

Like the dark.
Like the snow.
Like the thoughts.

They hide the ugliness of the truth.

But what if the thoughts are true? They must be. They're screaming in the darkness. The darkness that made up and down switch. The darkness that made everything numb...

They're screaming.

But N doesn't care.

They are nothing.

What even is reality but perception of light by something that is run by flickers and storms?
It's all in his mind, is it not?

He can't see the snow anymore. Or anything for that matter. He can't feel their entropy. He can't watch their dance. He can't breathe without something going wrong because of him. He can't save all he holds dear. He can't prevent them from being lead down to a darkness more terrifying that what engulfs him.

So why doesn't he become nothing?
Nothing, like the screaming.

It's always there. Always bringing cold...

If destruction was the birth of his pain. Then it will be the death of it.

He won't truly be dead. Cyn will bring him back.

It's terrifying when you think about it.

He could've lived a thousand lives. A thousand lives of pain. A thousand lives of agony. A thousand lives of lies. A thousand lives of love. A thousand lives of broken promises.

But this N will die. This N. Other N's will be born as long as the eldritch horror sees fit. But this one will die.

Is he not undeserving of such a fate?

To die?

He's lost everything, and he's lost himself.

So what good would it be, to keep existing...?
Nothing would convince him to stay.

He couldn't help Cyn.
He couldn't stop V.
He couldn't save Uzi.

He's been aiming all wrong.
He should strike his core.

What's left of him but misery? At least he'll be gone.

Uzi...
She's been lost to Cyn. He should face the truth of that now...
Perhaps he should tell Nori before he leaves?

But what good would it do for the worried mother?

He's already done too much.
He's already lost so much.
He's already switched out his digits for a blade.

Why not a Lazer?
Why not something more quick?

Does he not deserve pain?
Does he not deserve a slow death with pure agony?

Maybe death is peaceful.
Perhaps it will tantalize him with the promises of things he could've done.

...he hesitates. In the cage of darkness. He hesitates.
One could wonder why, but the answer is simple.
He would like to pretend....

Let him pretend for a moment.
Pretend for a moment, that he does deserve joy. That he deserves peace...

Let him pretend.

After all, after he lies to himself one last time.
There's only one thing stopping him from the fate he deserves.

A blade.

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A/N: 735 excluding A/N. School starts soon and I kinda lost motivation. So here's a chap. Thanks for all the reads, please comment on what I can do better.

Thanks again.
Bye.

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