It started that summer

Jasons Spa Day

As the door clicked shut behind my sisters, the bathroom felt like a different world—quiet and calm, with only the gentle bubbling of the water. I stared at the tub, the blue sparkling under the candlelight, and I felt a mix of excitement and dread. Taking a deep breath, I reached for the hem of my shirt. As I pulled it off, I winced, feeling the fabric snag on my cast. The awkward angle made it harder, and I had to twist my body just right to get it off. When I finally looked in the mirror, my heart sank. The long scar running down my torso in a Y-shape was a harsh reminder of everything I had gone through. It started at my shoulders and traced a path down past my waist, an ugly mark that whispered stories I wished I could forget. The sight brought a rush of anxiety, and my mind spiraled. Memories of the Joker's laughter and chaos filled my head, drowning out the warmth of the moment. I shook my head, trying to push those thoughts away.

I promised Damian I would be brave, and my sisters went all out for this spa day. I owe it to them to at least try. But I didn't think I'd be so hard. . .

With a grunt of effort, I unbuckled the belt and let it drop to the floor. My heart pounded in my chest as I unbuttoned my pants, each click sounding like a countdown. The familiar fear crept back in, I pushed it to the side. Using only one hand was extra challenging, I felt a sharp twinge in my muscles. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to keep going, but each motion felt like a battle. Kicking my pants aside, I stood there in just my boxers. My skin prickled with the cool air, and I hesitated, the thought of taking off the last layer filling me with dread. I could feel my body start to shake, the panic bubbling up as I grasped the waistband of my boxers. The thought of seeing the scars again made my heart race. Tears pricked at my eyes, but I fought to keep them back. I was supposed to be strong.

Suddenly, it hit me like a wave. My breath quickened, and I felt like the room was closing in around me. I couldn't catch my breath as I looked at my scars–it all flooded back. I felt trapped again. My chest tightened painfully, and I gripped the edge of the sink, trying to steady myself. "F-Focus, Jason, focus," I muttered, but the words felt distant. My hands started to tremble and my heart raced. "No, no, no," I panicked, desperately trying to remember what to do. I could hear my therapist's voice in my head, "O-Okay okay! Breathe, Jason. You can do this." I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing myself to inhale deeply. "I-Inhale for four counts... hold f-for four... exhale for four," I reminded myself. But the numbers felt jumbled in my mind, and my breaths came in short gasps. I felt so small, so exposed.

With trembling hands, I finally yanked down my boxers, and that was it. I felt a sob building in my chest. "You're okay, it's okay," I whispered to myself, though I felt anything but okay. My mind raced, and panic washed over me like a cold wave. The scars were a map of my pain, each line a reminder.

Come on, come on! You're not alone! I thought, remembering my sisters just outside the door. I had to do this for them.

"Okay, okay," I whispered, grasping the edges of the sink. I forced myself to inhale slowly, picturing the air filling my lungs, then holding it. I focused on the sound of the music, I opened my eyes again, reminding myself that I was safe. "You've got this," I told myself, repeating the mantra like a lifeline. I thought of my sisters and their smiles, the laughter we shared. "Inhale... hold... exhale..."

Slowly, I felt the panic start to fade, just enough to take a step back from the edge. The warm water was waiting, and I had to let it in. Finally, I leaned over the tub, testing the water with my fingertips. I turned my attention to the plastic bag my sisters had left. I picked it up reading the note attached.

Hey, big guy! Just slide this over your cast and secure it with the ties. You got this! Love you, Jason!

With shaky hands, I slid the bag over my cast, making sure to cover it completely. Securing it with the ties was tricky with one hand, but I managed, "There, all set," I whispered. I dipped my toes into the water, and it felt amazing. Taking another deep breath, I forced myself to move forward. "One step at a time," I reminded myself, and with a shuddering breath, I stepped fully into the tub. The warm water wrapped around me like a comforting blanket, soothing the tension in my muscles.