Tracey
I wake up and my whole body just feels like it's been hit by a truck. I am so unbelievably exhausted. I text my boss and basically tell him I'm not well so I won't make the meetings unfortunately and I need a few days to rest. I then see the text from Nick and the guilt floods over me like a tsunami. I literally did the one thing that I promised him I wouldn't do again and that's run away. I feel like I should be back with him but I am just so exhausted that I don't think I should be travelling and certainly not on my own. I need to get my head together before I call him though. I hear the door squeak open and I see Soph pop her head round the door "Hey sleepyhead" "Morning Soph" "How are you feeling today" "Exhausted, guilty, scared" "Guilty??" "Yeah for running away from Nick. I promised him I wouldn't do that again and I broke that promise" "I'm pretty sure given the circumstances he will forgive you for having a freak out" "I know. I wish he was here. I always feel calmer when he's around but he's got another Ireland show tonight and I'm definitely not up for travelling just yet and certainly not on my own. I do need to call him though because I just feel so fucking shitty and I'm scared" "Just call him babe. Do you want me to stay with you" "No I think I will leave it and do it a bit later, I'm gonna try and get some more sleep if that's ok" "of course it is. I will leave you to it"
Nick
I really wish she would call me. I don't want her to be going through this on her own. I try calling her again and I hear the click when it answers "Babe, are you ok?" I then hear Sophie's voice on the other end "Hey Nick, sorry it's me. Tracey is sleeping again so I took her phone off her so nothing woke her up. She is beyond exhausted Nick. I'm really worried about her" "Has she said much?" "Just that's she's scared and feels guilty for running away and thinks you're never gonna forgive her" "That's insane, of course I forgive her. This is a massive situation. No one can blame her for freaking out a bit. Do I wish she had stayed, of course but I do get it at the same time. We have a day off tomorrow I am going to fly down and see her, will she still be at yours? I would come there right now if I could but we have a show" "I know that and she knows that. I will make sure she stays here until you get here tomorrow" "I might even see if there is a way I can fly tonight after the show" "Whenever, just let me know" "Don't tell her I'm coming though but get her to call me anyway when she wakes up" "Ok I will. Bye Nick". I have to go down there tonight. I need to be with her, she must be so scared. After I talk Greg he manages to arrange for me to fly straight after the show. I don't say exactly why only that Tracey is not well and I need to be with her. I struggle through the show and try and be as present as I can but I think it probably shows something is wrong. I can't help it. All I can think about is getting to her.
Tracey
I see some videos on Instagram of the show and Nick doesn't look like he's into it at all. I feel really bad for the fans after reading the comments. Everything is just such a mess, the tears start to fall again and they won't stop just everything is so overwhelming. I honestly don't know what to do or feel or anything. I know my hormones are all over the place at the moment so that's not helping either. I really wish Nick was here and the fact he isn't just makes me cry even more. I don't even hear the door open but I feel someone's arms wrapping around me and I instantly know it's him "It's ok baby. Let it all out. I'm here". I just can't stop and I am literally sobbing in his arms, it feels like everything hit me like a ton of bricks. Nick is stroking my back and my hair to try and calm me down and after a while it starts to work. "I'm here now baby, everything is going to be ok" he whispers in my ear and then hugs me just a little bit tighter and I eventually start to calm and the tears finally stop. "Nick, I" "Shhh not now baby, now we sleep. We will talk tomorrow but for now we sleep" I drift off to sleep in Nick's arms. I wake up and I am still in Nick's arms, a wave of relief floods over me. I am so glad he's here "Morning beautiful" he says in his sexy morning voice. "Morning" I croak back. "How are you feeling" "better now you are here. I'm sorry I ran away" "Baby, I get it. Please don't worry about that, I'm not angry with you but please don't shut me out, this is a massive thing and I am here to support you. You're not alone in this" "I know babe. I guess we should make an appointment at the doctors to get it confirmed before we have any sort of conversation about what we want to do" "Yeah we should but what do you mean, obviously you are going to have the baby right?" "Why is it obviously? What if I decide I don't want to? Because Nick that is a real possibility right now"
Nick
I hadn't even contemplated the possibility that Tracey wouldn't want to have the baby. The thought of even considering that she might want an abortion makes me feel sick. I don't even know what to say to her in response to what she just said. "Let's just go to the doctors first. One step at a time babe" She manages to get an appointment for later so we leave Sophie's and head back to Tracey's. She doesn't say much in the car she's just staring out the window but I notice she has her hand resting on her stomach. I can't tell what she is thinking, I wish she would talk to me. "You ok baby" "I'm fine Nick, please stop asking me that" "I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you and if I am honest what you said earlier about maybe not wanting the baby. A baby is a blessing and I would love to have one with you. All the best parts of us both rolled into one" "But you have Malti, it's not like you don't already have a kid" "I know and I love her more than life itself and she would be the best big sister but to have the baby with you would just be the icing on the cake. To have a baby with the love of my life would complete things" "I'm sure you said that to Priyanka as well at some point too!!!" She snaps back at me and that really hurt. I don't know what to say to her right now, I'm sure whatever I say is going to be wrong. I see her texting on her phone. "Dani and Kevin are on their way here" she announces. "I haven't even told Joe and Kevin what's going on" "I told Dani and she asked if she could tell Kevin and I said yes. I think we should hold off on telling Joe for now with everything that's going on with him and Sophie. But I really need Dani" "Ok beautiful, whatever you need" it does hurt a little that I'm not enough for her but I meant it when I said whatever she needs.
