The Enigma Of Deceptive Love

Chapter 16: Restart

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"No."

A tired sigh.

That was our last interaction since then.

It has been a week since I'd cooped myself in this room, leaving only for school. Amelia has been there with me throughout the whole situation and I haven't seen Logan or talked to him over the past week. Amelia had told me that he's barely at home, I decided to consider that as an opportunity for me to lurk around the manor.

The Manor in itself was very well built, each room reflecting the personality of the owner. All rooms were sound proofed for, needless to say, a variety of reasons.

People from the Castle didn't catch up to us, Logan was covered up for by most of the employees and I, well, I knew better than reporting the place to the police again.

Yes, again.

The last time I'd made the mistake, the police contacted my legal guardian - Logan - due to insufficient evidence and signs of mental disorders that I was apparently showing. I knew I wasn't crazy.

Father dear regarding me dead and dig a grave to throw all of my belongings along with a tombstone that read, "Alicia. Birth to death, a daughter."

He had written a paragraph for Alex when he'd been declared deceased, thanks to Amelia, I found out my Pa not only disliked me, he probably was even grateful that I'd died.
He was threat-free and could be with any woman he wants.
I wouldn't say I didn't feel like a princess roaming around this completely new world, neither would I say that I didn't like it.

There was a different section for the helpers' rooms. It most certainly would be rude for me to barge in there with, or without permission. Not that they would deny.
It was all very organized, each door having the name of the respective "resident". Except two.
I reach for one of them when I hear my name being called out.
Amelia.
Descending from the fantasy of the lost princess in the forbidden palace, I answer back.
"Breakfast's ready. He won't be here for another day, by the way."
I nod and follow her back to the living room, making a mental note on coming back.

I poke my way through the spaghetti, zoning out on Amelia's face. Quickly turning away when I realized how rude that was.
"It was where one of our ex-workers stayed"
I nod, slightly flustered.
"What happened to her- them?"

"He just left."
"Just left? You say it like, and no offense, the pay is more than comfortable."

She chuckles in response before swallowing a piece of well spiced meat and adding, "It sure is. Although, the employees are primarily women, right now. He probably felt uncomfortable."

"Or was made to." I scrunch my eyebrows.
She looks up at me, eyes dry, face pale.

"What makes you think...that?" Quivering and the last word.
I shrugged, taken aback by the slightly defensive response I received to a joke.
"No, I'm serious. What made you think that?" She nudged further.

"Nothing, okay. It was a joke. I'm in no way doubting your colleague's skills."

She nods, almost savouring my speech and weighing the options, deciding to go with the more positive aspect of it.

"So no one has come as a replacement for him yet?" I ask trying to ease the tension. Amelia was the only source of human interactions I had since that day, and I didn't wanna fuck it up.
Although I know that I'm supposed to be thankful to Logan for providing me with a place to live in such luxury, he's ultimately an accomplice to it and probably even helped in taking me there in the first place.

He dragged me to hell and brought me back to a better place. I don't know what to make of it.

"No, not really. We're not looking for any new staff right now."

I nod, it was a pretty reasonable statement and I had almost no reason to continue small talk.
"Why are your staff primarily females?" I ask, intrigued, yet jealous.

"Uhm. There was a male staff as you know. But uhm. I don't know, that's probably what he wants."
"Why would Logan want only women?
Does. Oh my God. Does Logan do anything to you women? Any sort of assault? Physical, mental? Anything."
"Dear God, no."
My muscles ease as she denied.

I'd lost my appetite after six spoonfulls of spaghetti. Amelia usually gets up along with me so I decided to play around with my food till she was done.

As she struggled to get the last part of it with a fork and had to use both her hands to nudge it to a spoon, I stood up.
Amelia quickly cleans up her plate and carries mine, while the others carry the rest.
It was annoying, not having to do anything at all.

I had met Sam a few times after going back. No one to follow me. Yet, I felt watched at all times.
She had apologized over and over again.
Maybe she was sincere this time, as she'd brought medicine for my existing scars, and probably for the ones she would inflict, sooner or later in life.

I finally accepted it when I saw how pale she looked. It looked like she'd been sick of days with no proper treatment. Her nose was red and stuffed, eyes baggy. Almost like she was crying up until now, I would think that if I hadn't spent three continuous classes with her.
The polar opposite of the picture perfect Samantha Green.
She looked like a normal girl, except an inch or two shorter than me. Still very normal.

The other student decided to "accept" me as another average school going student too. Perhaps it was because we were nearing graduation that everyone decided to be more mature, but, over here? I wouldn't even dare to take a guess.

So far, my scars were healing. The wounds were very deep and a few even opened while escaping The Castle, but, there was very visible progress. Sam and I weren't on the best terms even now, just acquaintances.

She was okay with that, she was okay with anything, really, as long as I'd forgiven her. It was weirdly confusing and...sad watching her act this way. The way that I'd usually act when I was around her. Defeated and Inferior.
Apologetic when it wasn't even my fault, it was hers.
I spent all these years feeling sorry for her when I was the person that needed the sympathy. I was the person that needed someone to rely on.

Sam and Ki were the only two people left in the group. The others had left.
No reason provided but Ki also seemed like she would leave soon.
Judgemental faces every now and then, begging Sam for financial support (money for weed and smokes).
Sam kept denying was a first. Usually she'd do anything to keep people next to her, even if, and especially if it meant that she had to buy them.

Towards the end of the year something should've happened. Something big. That I, clearly missed.
It was frustrating not knowing why or what happened. Sam being all apologetic and shit.

I felt different this time around, though. Travelling in a car without it smelling like burnt cigarettes and rotten food, to and from school was a huge privilege.

Today was also a Sunday, I had to visit Alex.
He had always liked yellow on me. Said I looked like a sunflower. Looking back, I never quite understood why I hated him so much.
Alex was the only person that understood me, the only one that tried everything in his power to make sure I felt comfortable and safe. And yet, yet I envied him. Pa had all his attention focus towards Alex. Of course I'd hate him.

Picking out a modest yellow gown, I grab my phone and leave. Too lazy to care about anything else.
Amelia joins me, like always.
She sticks to me everywhere I go, but, gives me my privacy whenever required, though.
I was slowly getting back to my routine, visiting Alex every weekend, planning out my work structure for the upcoming week and knowing that if I were to die this second, I'd be living with Ma.

I was finally allowed to sit in a car where the windows weren't tinted from the inside.
Laying back, I close my eyes and breathe in the memories. All the lashes, all the love, the scent of burning flesh, the taste of Mas' pies. Logan. All of it.