dandelions || Levi x Reader

1. HR abuses their privileges

Did you read purple hyacinths and think "wow, I wish this was longer"? No? Well, I did. 

Full author's note at the end. Enjoy! xx

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Levi wonders what he did in a past life to deserve this.

'This' being his incredibly annoying coworkers, who have decided that today is the day that racing their chairs around the office is absolutely necessary for the success and prosperity of their work. 

Right by his desk. Fuck's sake, he's requesting a relocation from Erwin. 

"And Mike overtakes Eld to make it to the finals!" Oluo announces, and he's met with cheers. "On the other side- Nanaba against me!"

"Easy," Nanaba boasts, rolling her chair to the far side of the room. "Bring it on, Oluo."

"You only beat me in the quarters because you sabotaged my chair," Gunther protests. "Hange, can we budget for new chairs in the next quarter?"

Hange flashes a thumbs up from their desk in the corner. "Yep!"

Levi groans. "You won't let me get a new kettle, but we can get new chairs?"

"You don't need a new kettle!"

"And you wouldn't need new chairs if you didn't do these damn races twice a month."

"Ah, but then how would we know who would be the recipient of the..." there's a dramatic pause from Hange before they pop up from their spot, raising a tiny card in their hands. "The ten dollar gift card to Scouts!" they shout proudly.

They're met with cheers. Levi wants to stab a pen into his ears.

"Which can be used as soon as tonight," Hange continues, "when we go out to celebrate the one and only Uri's retirement!"

Another cheer, this time directed at the poor man in the corner of the room that waves a weak hand before he goes back to typing with one finger at a time on his laptop. Levi thinks that he probably should've retired years ago, the second Erwin upgraded everyone's tech, but he's impressed (and annoyed) he's held out as long as he has.

A door opens and the noise dies comically quickly as Erwin steps out of his office. "Please, don't stop celebrating Uri on my account," Erwin says. His eyes skim the office. "Chair races again?"

Levi wonders how soundproof Erwin's office is and how he can get promoted to one of those. "Again," he grumbles.

"And how are we for our quarterly targets?"

Everyone turns to Levi. He sighs. "Behind."

"By how much?"

"Two weeks, give or take."

Erwin smiles. "Then we're right on track. Carry on." There's a cheer; Levi despises him. Next time, he'll lie. "Uri, with me for a moment."

The soon-to-be retiree pushes himself up from his desk and heads over to Erwin's office, closing the door behind him. Chatter resumes, and Nanaba and Oluo start wheeling themselves to the starting line made out of a strip of masking tape on the floor. 

Hange wheels their chair into the middle of the raceway- which also means they're right next to Levi's desk, so when they shout, Levi winces. "Wait!"

Everyone pauses. Mike's in the middle of fashioning some sort of weapon out of a ruler, tape, and a stapler. 

"After this has concluded," Hange says, pausing for dramatic effect, "...I need someone to go next door and pick up flowers."

No one, for once, responds. "Flowers?" Petra questions.