dandelions || Levi x Reader

3. keeper of the bullshit excuses

Surprise! ;)

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While he won't pretend Hange is the greatest coworker he's ever had, they certainly have their upsides. They're sociable and weirdly good at resolving potential conflicts before they start, they actually listen to requests, and they always make sure to have a decent tea selection in stock (even if the kettle is absolute shit).

Right now, though, Levi keeps glaring at the back of their head and wondering when the next occasion for flowers is going to be. 

No one else is retiring. No new hires, from the sounds of it.

But for fuck's sake- if his coworkers keep this shit up, the next occasion for flowers is going to be a damn funeral. Are they having a knighting ceremony?

"I hereby dub thee Keeper of the Staplers," Nanaba announces, tapping Gunther once on each shoulder with a meter stick (where the hell did she get that?). "Now, rise!"

Gunther actually looks like he has tears in his eyes. "This is the highest honor."

"I want something special!" Oluo demands.

"Honey, you are special," Mike grumbles.

"What else could you keep?" Hange wheels themselves over. "Who's got something?"

Petra raises her hand. "Keeper of the hole puncher."

"Keeper of the rulers," Nanaba says, waving her stick in the air. "Eld's keeper of the paper clips, Mike's keeper of the highlighters."

Hange straightens up. "I want to be keeper of the highlighters!"

Levi stares at the pen on his desk. How far into his head would he have to stab it to kill himself? "Don't let them," Eld says immediately. "I sent them a memo to review once and the entire thing came back to me covered in four different colors."

"I'm sorry for decorating! It was so bland and boring!"

"Levi," Nanaba calls, and all eyes look to him. "Do you want to keep something?"

Levi twists in his chair. "Keeper of the dead bodies."

"But we don't have any of those."

"Yet."

"That has to be against HR," Gunther mutters, looking to Hange, who just shrugs.

Levi glares. "The longer this ceremony bullshit goes on, the more likely it is that I'll get my title."

"He's right," someone agrees, and Levi feels like he shouldn't be surprised that it's Mike. Mike's usually one of their better employees, but doesn't seem to enjoy working whatsoever, which is how he normally ends up tangled in these kinds of shenanigans. "We should get back to work. Quarterly reports are due next week."

This produces a squabble- apparently no one was aware that the deadline was so soon- but it's enough to get people back to their desks. Levi frowns at his computer: he thought it was this week, wasn't it? He saw a notification on his calendar for Sunday.

He scrolls through his calendar, finding the Sunday notification. Normally, he sets those so that he gets everything done the week before- and if not, is brutally reminded on Monday when he comes in. His calendar is so full on weekdays that if he left the reminder there, it'd get lost, so weekends will have to do. 

But no, it's not the reports deadline. Levi's gaze softens; he's set to visit his mother on Sunday.

It's fine- he's just about done with his reports anyway. This month has flown by- he scrolls up on his calendar but yeah, it's the last Sunday of the month, which means his scheduled visit has come up.