Crossing the line

17: Emptiness

LIAM

It had been a month since Ava left, but the house still felt emptier than it should. Summer was over, things were back to normal, but something wasn't right. Or rather, someone wasn't.

Jake.

I glanced over at him as we sat on the porch, beers in hand, the afternoon sun sinking behind the trees. He hadn't said more than five words to me all day, and the silence between us was starting to feel heavier than usual. Jake had always been the quieter type, sure, but this was different. Ever since Ava left, he'd been... off.

"Man, you good?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light, like I wasn't actually worried, even though I had been for weeks now.

Jake didn't answer right away. He just took another sip of his beer, staring out at the trees like they had all the answers. But I knew he wasn't seeing the trees. I knew exactly where his mind was, because it had been there every day since my sister drove away.

Ava.

He finally shrugged, his jaw clenched like he was forcing himself not to speak. It was the same shrug he'd been giving me since that day-the day Ava left for the city, the day Jake watched her go with more emotion in his eyes than I'd ever seen him show anyone.

I still couldn't get the image out of my head-the panic on his face as he rushed outside, like he realized too late what he was losing. I'd never seen Jake like that, not in all the years we'd been friends. He wasn't the type to lose control, wasn't the type to show his cards. But that day, it was like something inside him snapped.

I had been too distracted at the time, helping Ava load up her car, saying goodbye to my little sister. But when I looked back and saw Jake, standing there, frozen like he couldn't breathe, I knew something was wrong. And when he wiped his face, trying to hide the tears, I realized just how deep this whole thing went.

I hadn't asked him about it since. Partly because I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer, and partly because Jake had closed up like a vault after that day. He wasn't talking, wasn't opening up about anything. He just threw himself into work, kept busy, and pretended everything was fine. But I could see it eating at him, little by little.

I took a breath, trying to figure out how to approach it. "You've been different, man," I said, carefully. "Ever since Ava left."

At the mention of her name, Jake flinched. Just barely, but I caught it.

"I'm fine," he said quietly, still not looking at me. "Just tired."

"Yeah, tired," I muttered. "That why you barely talk anymore? Why you act like the world's caving in every time you hear her name?"

Jake's grip on the bottle tightened, and I knew I'd hit a nerve. But I needed to. I couldn't keep sitting here, watching my best friend spiral and pretend like everything was fine.

"Look, Jake," I continued, softer this time. "I know something's going on. And I know it has to do with Ava. You don't have to tell me everything, but... you've gotta let this out. Whatever it is, it's killing you."

He was silent for a long time, long enough that I wasn't sure if he was going to answer at all. Then, finally, he spoke, his voice barely audible.

"I messed up," he said, his gaze fixed on the horizon. "I let her go."

I frowned, confused. "What are you talking about?"

Jake let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "You wouldn't get it, Liam. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell anyone."

I felt a knot form in my chest, that uneasy feeling that had been growing for weeks now. There was something deeper here, something Jake had been hiding from me for a long time. And whatever it was, it was tearing him apart.

"I get more than you think," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "But you gotta let me in, man. You're my best friend. I've never seen you like this."

Jake stayed quiet, his eyes clouded with something I couldn't quite place-regret, maybe. Guilt. Whatever it was, it had been haunting him since Ava left.

"You were right there," he whispered after a while. "The whole time, you were right there, and I couldn't say anything. I couldn't do anything. Because of you."

I blinked, his words catching me off guard. "Because of me?"

He turned toward me then, his eyes filled with frustration, but also something else-something that scared me. "You have no idea what it's like to be in love with your best friend's sister," he said, his voice low and raw. "To want something so badly, but to know you can't have it. Not without ruining everything."

I stared at him, my heart sinking as the truth hit me all at once. Jake was in love with Ava. He had been all summer. And I hadn't seen it. I hadn't realized just how deep this went for him, how much he had been holding back for my sake.

"Jake..." I started, but he cut me off, his voice harsher now.

"I tried to ignore it, okay? I tried to push it down, to be the good guy. But the day she left..." He trailed off, his voice breaking. "I lost it, Liam. I lost her. And now I don't even know how to be around you, because all I can think about is how much I love her. And how much I hate myself for not doing anything about it."

I didn't know what to say. My mind was reeling, trying to process everything he was telling me. Jake, the guy I'd trusted with everything, the guy who had always been steady and reliable, was falling apart over my sister. And I hadn't seen it.

"I... I didn't know," I finally said, my voice weak. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it's your sister," Jake snapped, the anger flaring in his eyes before he quickly shut it down. "I didn't want to mess things up between us. I didn't want to be that guy. But now I don't know what the hell to do."

I sat there, my mind racing. Jake loved Ava. And he was drowning because of it.

I thought back to that day-the way he had panicked, the way his face had twisted when he realized she was leaving. I hadn't understood it then, but now, it all made sense. He wasn't just saying goodbye to a friend. He was losing someone he loved.

I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "Jake... I don't want you to be miserable over this. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide it. If you love her, if she makes you happy, then... I won't stand in the way."

He stared at me, his expression unreadable. "You mean that?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. I just want you to be okay, man. And right now... you're not."

Jake looked away, his jaw tightening. "It's not that simple."

"Maybe not," I said, feeling the weight of everything between us. "But I'm your friend, Jake. And if this is what's been tearing you up, then we'll figure it out. Together."

For the first time in weeks, Jake looked like he might let go of some of the weight he'd been carrying. But I knew we weren't there yet. Not completely.

And I wasn't sure if we ever would be.