Crossing the line

19: unwanted jealousy

JAKE- (his) senior year

Senior year was supposed to be one of the best years of my life. Everyone said that, right? It was supposed to be about enjoying the last of high school, getting ready for college, and figuring out what came next. But instead of feeling excited about the future, I'd spent the last few months in a constant state of unease.

The reason? Ava.

Ever since that summer, when I first realized I was starting to feel something for her, everything had changed. At first, I told myself it was just a stupid crush, something I could shake off. I'd kept my distance as much as I could, tried to treat her like I always had. But no matter how hard I tried, it kept creeping up on me, this gnawing, impossible thing that wouldn't leave me alone.

I liked her. More than liked her. And every time I saw her, it just made it worse.

Like right now.

I was sitting on the couch in Liam's living room, pretending to be interested in the basketball game on TV, but my attention was somewhere else. Upstairs, Ava was getting ready to go out. But she wasn't going out with her friends or going to some party. No, she was bringing someone home.

Her boyfriend.

The thought made my stomach churn, and I shifted uncomfortably on the couch, glancing over at Liam, who was scrolling through his phone. He didn't seem phased by it at all, probably because he actually liked the guy. I didn't. I hadn't even met him yet, but I already knew I wasn't going to like him.

"Dude, you okay?" Liam asked, glancing up from his phone. "You've been fidgeting all afternoon."

I forced a smile, trying to play it off. "Yeah, I'm good. Just... restless, I guess."

Liam shrugged, going back to his phone. "Well, chill out. You're making me nervous."

I let out a breath, trying to settle the uneasy feeling in my chest. It wasn't like I could do anything about it. Ava was bringing her boyfriend home, and I had no right to feel the way I did. But that didn't stop the jealousy from creeping in, thick and relentless. I'd never been the jealous type, but with Ava, it was different. The thought of her with someone else-of some other guy making her laugh, holding her hand-it made me want to punch something.

"Hey, Liam!" Ava's voice called from upstairs. "Is Jake still here?"

I froze for a second before catching myself. Why was she asking about me? Not that it mattered. I had to act normal.

"Yeah, he's here," Liam yelled back, not even looking up from his phone. "You coming down soon?"

"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute!"

My heart sped up just hearing her voice, and I forced myself to focus on the game again. She was coming down with her boyfriend any minute now, and I had to act like it didn't bother me. I had to act like everything was fine, even though it felt like everything inside me was tangled up in knots.

A few minutes later, I heard footsteps on the stairs, and then there she was.

Ava came down, looking different than she usually did-more dressed up, like she'd actually put effort into what she was wearing. It wasn't that she didn't always look good, because she did, but tonight... I couldn't stop staring. She had on this light blue dress that brought out her eyes, and her hair was loose, falling around her shoulders in soft waves. She looked amazing.

And right behind her was the guy.

Ryan, I think his name was. Tall, athletic, with a stupid grin plastered on his face. The kind of guy that probably had girls falling over themselves to date him. The kind of guy who looked like he didn't have a care in the world.

Liam stood up, greeting them with a casual wave. "Hey, man. Good to see you again."

Ryan shook Liam's hand, and then his gaze landed on me. I stood up, reluctantly extending my hand, trying to hide the fact that I didn't want to be here at all.

"Jake," I said, keeping my tone neutral. "Nice to meet you."

"Ryan," he said with a friendly smile. "Ava's told me a lot about you. Guess you're like part of the family, huh?"

I gave a tight smile, trying to keep my cool. "Yeah, something like that."

Ava shot me a quick glance, her expression unreadable, and then she smiled up at Ryan, slipping her hand into his. And that's when it hit me-like a punch to the gut. She wasn't just dating this guy. She liked him. And she was comfortable enough to hold his hand in front of me and Liam, like it was nothing.

I sat back down on the couch, my heart racing, trying to focus on the game again, but it was impossible. All I could think about was the way her hand fit in his, the way she was smiling at him like he was the only person in the room.

Liam was talking to Ryan about some football game, but their voices faded into the background as I stole another glance at Ava. She was sitting on the loveseat, her legs tucked under her, and every time Ryan said something, she laughed. It wasn't forced, either. It was genuine.

I didn't know what I'd been expecting, but seeing her like this-with someone else-was harder than I thought it would be. It made me realize that I'd wasted so much time pretending I didn't feel anything for her, and now it was too late.

When did this happen? When did she start dating him? And why hadn't I done something sooner?

"Jake, you good, man?" Liam's voice broke through my thoughts.

I looked up, realizing they were all staring at me-Liam, Ryan, and Ava. I must've zoned out.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said quickly, forcing a smile. "Just tired, I guess."

Liam didn't look convinced, but he didn't push it. "Alright. Well, we're gonna head out in a bit. You wanna come?"

"Nah, I'm good," I said, standing up. "I'll catch you guys later."

I couldn't stay here any longer. The longer I stayed, the worse it got. So I made some excuse about needing to get home, said goodbye to everyone, and headed out the door.

As I walked to my car, I clenched my fists, trying to get a grip on the jealousy swirling inside me. I had no right to feel this way. Ava wasn't mine. She was free to date whoever she wanted, and if that guy made her happy, then that was that.

But even as I told myself that, the knot in my stomach wouldn't go away.

I was in love with Ava. And now, seeing her with someone else made me realize just how badly I'd screwed up by keeping my distance.

History's doomed to repeat itself.
<3