Fragments Of Us [Completed]

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
Date: 6th December 2024

Today, I had sex with Vel. It was supposed to be just a way to forget about him, to treat him like one of those random encounters I could easily walk away from. But why the hell am I feeling this hurt? I thought I could separate my feelings, but here I am, torn apart inside.

I know I love him. I’ve known for a while now, but why do I crave more? What do I even want from him? It’s like every time I think I have a grip on this, I find myself slipping. When he kissed me, everything changed. For a moment, I thought maybe this could be something more, but then he pulled away and made it clear he wasn’t looking for anything serious.

Does he not feel anything? Or is he just fine with this arrangement? I wish it were easier. Maybe I should have just pushed him away when he showed up at my door, but in that moment, all my defenses crumbled. It felt like I was losing myself, letting him take over my mind and body.

Now, I’m left with this mess of emotions. I let him in, and now I feel so exposed, so vulnerable. It’s not just about the physical act; it’s the way he made me feel—alive, desired, and yet painfully distant.

Why did I say yes to being his “friends with benefits”? I thought I could handle it, but now I’m questioning everything. I’m feeling so broken, and I don’t even know why. It’s confusing, and it hurts more than I thought it would.

The intimacy we shared was different from what I’ve had before. I thought sleeping with him would help me forget, but it only amplified my feelings. I can’t shake the thought that I’ve turned into someone I never wanted to be—a person who gives away pieces of himself without thinking of the consequences.

It’s hard not to think about how much I want him to love me back, how I wish he would see me as more than just a casual fling. But the more I dwell on it, the more I realize that I might just be setting myself up for heartache.

I don’t know how to navigate this. I thought I could keep it simple, but it’s anything but. I wish I could just tell him how I feel, but what if he brushes me off again? What if he only sees me as a way to fill a void?

I’m lost, caught in this whirlwind of emotions that I can’t control. All I know is that I can’t keep pretending everything is fine when it’s not. Writing this down helps, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m hurting.

Maybe I need to confront this. I need to find a way to either move on or embrace what’s between us but how.....

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Hey guys! So, I just wanted to explain something quickly. Yes, I'm adding these diary entries, and Krit will have quite a few of them since he loves writing in his diary (I know I didn't mention this before, but here we are!).

I'm not just posting this chapter today—I’ve got another one coming right after this! These two are going up together. One is a diary entry written by Krit, and the other is the proper chapter. So, get ready for both! Should be up in just a few seconds. Enjoy!