Fragments Of Us [Completed]

Diary Entry

Dear Diary
January 30, 2024

I don’t think I’ll ever forget today. I don’t even know how to put it into words, but I’ll try. It’s strange… I’ve always been good at keeping my cool, playing things off like I’ve got everything together. But Vel… he gets to me in ways I didn’t even know I could be reached.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I felt seen. Not just the surface-level stuff, but truly seen. It’s funny, really, because I’ve spent so much time acting like nothing bothers me. Like I don’t care. But when Vel looked at me, really looked at me… I couldn’t hide behind all that anymore.

I didn’t expect it. I’ve never needed him to say anything grand or do anything big, but the way he was with me today—gentle, careful—made me realize that maybe, just maybe, he values me too. It’s this feeling I’ve been chasing for so long, like I’ve been holding my breath waiting for him to notice me. And now that he has… I’m happy.

Yeah, happy. It sounds so simple when I write it down, but it feels so much bigger than that. I guess I’ve always acted like I’m cool, like nothing fazes me, but it’s not the truth. Deep down, I’ve been hoping for this. Hoping that he would see me, beyond the roles we’ve both played.

I don’t know why today was different. Maybe it was something in the way he looked at me, or the way he held me close, grounding me in a way I didn’t even know I needed. I never thought I’d be the one to admit this, but… it doesn’t matter how calm or collected I pretend to be. I’m not. I’m just glad he’s here with me, valuing me like I value him.

And you know what? I’m happy. Yeah, I said it again, because it feels right. It feels good to write it down, to acknowledge it. I didn’t expect to feel this way, didn’t think I’d be the one who’d find peace in all of this. But I did. Vel has a way of grounding me, making me feel safe in a world where I’ve always had to be the one in control. I didn’t think I needed that, but maybe I was wrong.

I don’t know what comes next. There’s a lot we still need to figure out, but for once, I’m okay with that. I’m okay with the uncertainty because today, I saw something in him that told me he’s here for me, just like I’m here for him.

I’m happy, and that’s enough for now.

— Krit