Giving it All Away

I Forgive You. . . But. . .

Hey three people actually reading my story! Marley's outfit for this chapter is above, so if you want, imagine the chapter going on with her wearing this. (Just pretend it's all from Goodwill!) Please comment, vote, and follow me maybe? Enjoy!

Marley POV
I went to my session for bulimia yesterday and I saw Emma was having a really rough time. She fainted and starved herself and doesn't trust her mom anymore. I feel so bad for her. I think her boyfriend slept with some cardiac patient who is an ex cheerleader and head bitch, too, so.

Since prom is coming up, I was trying to fit back into my dress I got from Goodwill two years ago and I couldn't. It was too short and too tight for my body. But it was really, really cute, so I really wanted to wear it to prom. So, I had been starving myself by not eating lunch or breakfast, and when I ate dinner, it was usually a salad that I ended up puking anyway. I told this to my therapist, who told my mom, who came home by the way, who scolded me and started crying because she was so scared. "Marley, I raised a star. I didn't raise some self conscious background singer. Marley, I love you so much, and I want you to be healthy. Skinny is not necessarily healthy. What I am isn't, either though. We were supposed to go on a diet together, not starve our selves. I don't want you do faint again. Marley, I'm so so worried about you, you used to be a fun-loving girl who would sing in the shower and scarf up her dinner in a minute. Now you take an hour to eat a measly salad, and five minutes later, you puke it up. I'm paying money for you to get better. Please, please, please try to get better. For me, for you. For us," she said while sobbing. It and Emma made me realize that starving myself was not the answer. I would portion control and jog every morning to school and back.

I was still not forgiving Ryder, no matter how many peonies and roses he left in my locker, no matter how many songs he sang in glee club to me, no matter how many apologies he gave me. I hope he was starting to realize I wasn't worth his time. I just didn't want to be around boys right now. I told my mom, and I told her Ryder and I did it. She was a little disappointed in me, but was supportive that I was safe and careful, and sure. I also told her that Ryder wouldn't stop bothering me about how sorry he was. Her advice was to sit him down and talk to him about it. Forgive him and set him straight that I didn't want to date any boys right now. So that's exactly what I did.

He was at his locker, getting ready for lunch. Lunch break plus however long you want eat is one hour, so we had plenty of time to talk. "Ryder, we need to talk. After lunch. Courtyard. Only you and me. Got it?" I order to him.
He looks at me startled, probably partially because I haven't talked to him in while, and I don't usually order him like this. "Uh, okay. I'll be there. 12:30?"
I nod before walking away to lunch. I sit with the glee kids, and while sitting at the same table as him is inevitable, I try to sit at the opposite end as him. I want us to leave separately so no one will see us together, thinking we're back together. I eat a salad with spinach leaves, feta cheese, and olives with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and lemon juice dressing. My mom serves this, but she didn't make it. She makes the hot lunches. It's called a Greek inspired salad. It's pretty good, but I end up giving most of it to Kitty, still wanting to lose weight, knowing how much sodium is in olives and feta cheese. When I'm done with lunch, I walk to the courtyard with my backpack, which I got for a really good deal at Goodwill, when the original was probably super expensive. It's a black leather bucket backpack. I am wearing it with a floral Bohemian style dress shirt and the black leggings I borrowed from Kitty, but she let me keep. On my feet, I wear floral flats also from Goodwill, and on my wrists, black bracelets that compliments my outfit.

I arrive in the courtyard to see Ryder waiting anxiously for me. When he spots me, he waves me over. "Marley, I am so glad you told me to meet you here. Are you finally getting back together with me?" He smiles, waiting for my answer.

"I-uh, no." His smile fades and he looks at me, confused.

"Are you still not forgiving me? Marley, I've told you so many times that I'm sorry. But unless you forgive me, I hope you know I'll never give up on you."

"Ryder, I-" I start.
"-Marley, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. If you're not going to, then I'm just going to leave but you know I'm going to keep on pursuing you," he looks into my eyes sadly.

"I am going to forgive you. But-" I start again.
"Oh my God! Thank you!" He takes my face in his hands and kisses me. I pull away.
"Ryder, let me finish. I forgive you, but I'm still mad at you for sabotaging our relationship. Even though I know I'm fat, I know he was indeed cheating, I know you're a good guy, I didn't know the note supposedly from Jake was from you. I'm not getting back together with you," I say.

"First of all, sorry for assuming that, second of all, you're not fat, and third, I'm really really sorry. I know you want me to shut up, but I won't unless you take me back. I'm getting all A's and B's because my dyslexia specialist is helping me a lot, and I promise I'll never do anything to hurt you again. I promise to tell you everything," he tries to persuade me.

"No, Ryder, I'm sorry." With that, I leave, not looking back. I don't hear footsteps behind me so I know he's not following me. It takes me all I have not to cry in the hallways of McKinley.