Safe Havens

20

It's a good afternoon for the Arañeta household. Atara is waiting for Sheehan to come home, hindi pa close book sakanya kung bakit nag iba na naman ng ugali ang bata.

Sheehan just got home from school. Doors are slammed in her room. Too loud noises are heard all around. Spoiled talaga.

I knocked at the door but she is not responding. I knocked it again and again until she opened it.

"Ate" she looked at me in her unbelievable eyes. Para itong nakakakita ng multo.

"Hali ka nga magusap tayo" hinawakan ko ang kamay nya papuntang sala para hindi kami marinig ni mama, siesta hours ngayon kaya walang tao sa sala.

"Ano ba nakakairita. Ano bang kailangan mo at saka bakit kaba bumalik , diba ayaw nila mommy sayo, you're so mahilig makisiksik huh, eww" she grossedly looked me from head to toe

"Ah so ikaw nga talaga. Alam mo sheehan sarili mo na lang talaga ang iniisip mo. Hindi mo ba naiisip si mama, paano kung hindi nya masurvive ang kalungkutan. Mahirap kalaban ang puso sheehan. Gamitin mo nga yang utak mo at huwag yang pride mo, sabon yan sabon!"

" lol who says ikaw ang maging source ng kalungkutan ni mommy? You're delusional! Before you came into our lives, I already have a spot in our family, or i may say in my family. Besides, ikaw pinamigay, tinapon sa basurahan, iniwan na parang tuta. Nakaka awa ka. Habang ako? Ever since mom birthed me, they already loved me. Eh ikaw? Diba walang ka amor amor si mommy sayo kasi isang pagkakamali ka lang tapos ikaw yung magiging source of weakness ni mom?" Sheehan fired back and it hit me so hard.

Isa akong pagkakamali, alam ko naman yun pero masakit pa din palang marinig. Bakit ko nga ba kasi iniisip na mahal ako, e di nga ako hinanap noon diba?

"Hindi yan yung point ko. Ang akin lang kung ayaw mo sakin, edi you straight it to the point na ayaw mo sakin, hindi din naman ako makikisiksik sa may ayaw sa akin. Huwag kang mandamay ng tao kasi wala silang kinalaman jan sa sabon mong nagaapoy, at saka sorry ha kung mas hinahanap ako ni mama ngayon kaysa sayo, siguro dahil nakikita nya na ang mabantot mong pag uugali" panghuli kong salita sakanya.

I turned myself around and was to walk out when she immediately grabbed my hair that almost fell me back.

"Sheehan stop that, huwag mong sasaktan ang anak ko kung ayaw mong magsisi" Irene shouted approaching sheehan, grabbing my hair. She immediately pulled it the last time before unholding it.

"Mama tama na po. Naguusap lang kami ni shee. Tara na po sa kuwarto na lang tayo maguusap" i tried to calm mama down but her temper seems loosing already, if staring can kill, sheehan might be declared DOA at this time.

"I tried to keep everything just for you sheehan, and you really is testing my patience. Kahit kailan, nagmana ka talaga sa nanay mo"

Mom's last words to sheehan before she got weak from the situation. I also do not know what is happening earlier.  My mind is shady from what she just said.

Night came and mom is already asleep. I am waiting for papa to come, marami akong tanong. Tanong na sila lang ang makakasagot.

"Papa, can i talk to you po?" I asked papa while making order on mom's comforter.

"Yes ano yun, nak?"

"Is sheehan adopted?"

Dad's eyes widened from my question, "how did you know about that?"

"Si mama po, nagaway kasi kami kanina and and she's in urge of makikipagrambulan kaya sa galit ni mama nasabi nya yun."

Greggy cannot believed on what her daughter uttered. Irene promised herself that she will kept Sheehan's adoption til her grave.

"Come here take a sit beside me, anak, sheehan is not our legitimate daughter. Ikaw lang ang naging anak namin ng mama mo.

After your mom's secret birth at switzerland. Your mom and I did tried many times to have children but we really can't produce. Your mom was the one who found sheehan at abused women home. She used to be a volunteer then nung nakilala ng mommy mo ang biological mother ni sheehan.

Sheehan is a product of failed abortion and parent's excessive abused to illegal drugs. Awang awa sya sa bata kaya inadopt nya ito. Shee was at first using the marquez surname kasi ayaw kong mag adopt noon, but when i saw your mom feeling complete with sheehan, that's when i realized that she is our daughter and she made our marriage complete. Unica hija sya namin, spoiled pero sobrang mahal. "

Papa storied everything to me. I cannot believed that Mom left me to adopt another child. Parang napamukha saakin na parang may mali talaga saakin.

"Kaya po ba ako tinapon ni mama sa ibang bansa kasi may mali sa akin at nakita nya yun kay sheehan?" I asked politely, i need to asked this questions to close this chapter in my life. Lahat ng katanungan ko noon ay masasagot ngayon.

"No, princess . I-it's just ahh-" Greggy can't directly tell. He doesnt know they had a daughter with Irene when she flew to switzerland.

"Hindi, anak. Walang kasalanan ang daddy mo"

Irene woked up from the whispering voiced of her husband having a father daughter conversation and she can see how confused Atara in the revelations. Irene is now ready to tell everything, no more secrets, just her love to her daughter.

"I was 24 then when i got pregnant with you, i had many dreams in corporate back then. I was offered so many jobs that i cannot resist when i accidentally got pregnant. I am in the urge of pagpalaglag sa iyo anak pero hindi ko kaya, i felt like parte kana ng buhay ko. Kaya that's when i decided to flew to switzerland to  study while I am pregnant with you. Hindi ka maselan saakin kaya i was able to do well st work abroad.

Anak hindi kita dapat pinalaglag. Ang paglagay ko sayo sa basurahan ay hindi paagtapon yun. Someone would supposedly picked you up to take care of you but the Kellers saw you first. You had this angelic aura, tara. You were so thin but smiling infant"

I don't know what to say on Mom's confession. Masyadong masakit ang binitawan nyang salita, aksidente lang pala talaga ako. Parang buhay ko aksidenteng naging parte ng masaya nyong pamilya.

Hindi ko matago ang sakit at kirot, ayokong magsalita dahil baka makakasakit na naman ako.

Dahan dahang ako tumayo, walang sinabi sa bibig ngunit ang daming salita na nangyari sa mga mata ko.

Pagpunta ko ng Kuwarto ay nakita ko si sheehan, umiiyak. Alam nya na.

"So, you've heard my lifestory. Isn't  it a big revelation for the both of us? Siguro naman iiwan mo na ako kasama sila mommy. It's clear naman kung sino yung mahal nila. Kadugo ka lang pero ako yung nasa puso nila."

Hindi na lang pinansin ni Atara ang kapatid. She's not in the state of answering her harsh words. She, too, is in her fragile state.

Kailanma'y hindi naging tama ang pagkakamali. Ako ang mali sa pamilyang to kaya ang natatanging tama ay ang pagkawala ko.

Tanging isip na lang ni Tara ngayon ay ang paglaho nya sa pamilya, sa mundo, dun nya nakita ang isang bagay na pagsisihan nya pala ng lubos.

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