«What's Wrong With Me?»

CHAPTER ONE

Jake couldn't help but stare up at his ceiling tonight. He couldn't get rid of those thoughts inside of his head. He wants to figure out the reason, – the unnerving confusion in his head.

That off feeling. He never understood it. or why he felt it. He sometimes wishes he was 'normal' and not like he was in the glass box looking out when it came to social situations.

Especially at parties, – Jake always felt like he was putting on a 'show' – just to please the party goers. He didn't understand why he felt this way.

Ever since he was a child, he tried showing off to everyone. Simply by learning all these talents and tricks, hobbies and games to try and impress people, like breakdancing or magic tricks.

Because he likes the attention. And that's why he dived into the world of social media, because he felt a purpose. He felt happy. He felt welcomed and so much support.

And that support only skyrocketed when he met his bestest friend, Johnnie Guilbert. He was happy that he raided him on the social steaming platform; Twitch.

Without that, – he probably wouldn't have been very happy. Before meeting Johnnie, – he lived alone.  And felt like he was losing his friends and didn't feel like he had a close friend..

But with Johnnie, – he felt like he had somebody he can rely on. Someone that will always be there for him. No matter what.

Jake couldn't stop thinking. His mind is a tangled mess. He feels like he wants to rip his heart and hair out.

He wants to figure out this overwhelming confusion. He wants the answer. He was diagnosed with ADHD growing up....

"Shit!" Jake's thoughts for interrupted when he remembered that he had to take his Adderall medication.

He felt his stomach twist at that. He hates that medication. It didn't do anything. Except make him feel worse. It made him feel like he was a walking zombie, he didn't feel human and felt constantly nauseous from the medication.

He springs out of the bed and walked himself to the bathroom that is connected to his bedroom. He sighed heavily.

Opening the bathroom's medicine cabinet, – he takes out the medication. He stared at the bottle with a cold gaze in his brown eyes.

Biting the inside of his cheek, he turned the childproof cap and proceeded to open the bottle. Popping it open and making a small 'pop!' noise when he did.

He has been taking therapy courses for almost a year now, – and he felt like nothing was going right. They just said for him to take this and continue coming in for sessions.

He poured some Adderall in his hands. Staring at the medication with a monotoned expression. He felt alienated. Like he wasn't even human, – like he was just .. existing.

He thought going to therapy and taking medication will make this off feeling go away, but it didn't. And he felt helpless.

He felt like he would never figure out the answer. He felt his eyes glisten with tears but they never slipped. His little tears never fell. He blinked them away and proceeded to take his medication.

Popping them in his mouth and swallowing them dry. He closed the medication and placed it back in his cabinet.

Then he slammed the cabinet shut. Gripping the bathroom's counter as he stared at the ground for a moment before looking up into his reflection.

His mullet is a complete mess, scattered every which way. His eyes having dark circles underneath them. He just wished to be understood. He hates feeling out of place. That weird difference.

He wants to know why.

He takes a deep huff of air into his lungs before he exited the bathroom. Flicking off the light switch and leaving his bathroom.

He walked to his night stand and ripped it open. Taking out a few snacks. He sits on his bed and began to binge eat the snacks.

His stomach was already hurting from the Adderall and he was just adding sweets into the mix and it wasn't making anything better.

He slumps into his blankets and held his stomach. Staring at the wall as he rolled over to his side.

He muttered,

“What Is Wrong With Me?”