All The Ways We Touch [MxM]

twenty-three - sweet and savory pt. two

The conversation had winded through a lot of areas and as Jamison reflected on what they'd touched upon, he knew that it was time to share about all of what had occurred.

"Elli, I want to tell you what happened that night," he said, still surprised with himself for willingly wanting to kick open the door to such a traumatic incident. "It's important to me that you know."

His brows raised in shock but Elliot smiled. "I would love that," he said softly. "But I don't want you to feel pressured. I don't have any expectations of you."

"I don't," Jamison insisted. "I want to, I promise."

This level of open communication continued to lift Elliot's spirits and make him feel like Jamison was trying to connect with him on an increasingly deeper level. "You have my full attention, as always."

"So, Saturday night, outside the gas station, I had some strange thoughts about you. From the intoxicating scent of your shampoo to the way you looked so divine in the light, I had this flash of a thought that you were, well, cute."

It didn't matter that he'd heard him say it before, Elliot's cheeks still flushed at the compliment.

"Which was not at all something I expected to think or feel about you. I tried not to think about it too much but when we got to your house, I had the thought again when we were in your closet and it kinda felt like something in my brain started fracturing. Then, when I saw you without a shirt on, it fully just broke apart," he explained, his face burning at the admission and the memory. He wanted to experience fully touching Elliot more than ever.

"I wanted to feel you and I thought about you in a, uh, romantic way but I'm not supposed to have those kinds of thoughts and desires so it made me throw up when I did. It also dredged up a lot of traumatic memories I'd tried to bury and they completely overwhelmed me when they floated up to the surface.

I was so scared, Elli. Not of you, but of what you were doing to me, and that's why I ran. It was easier than dealing with what I was feeling. I thought that I could outrun it if I just got away from you.

I already told you that I wasn't actually trying to run away completely but I needed some time and I knew that you'd probably spend a while trying to find me. I'd run down to the motel once before and had seen that it had hourly rates. So with the cash I had on hand, I figured I could grab a couple hours to clear my head...

[flashback to Saturday night]

Jamison's heart pounded in his chest, his lungs aching from sucking in shallow breaths between sobs. While he'd conditioned himself to be able to run, he wasn't doing it as properly and efficiently as he'd trained and that, plus the cold and dehydration, was taking a toll on him. The running was unpleasant but it kept him warm and in the process, Jamison thought very little about anything besides putting one foot in front of the other toward his destination.

Fortunately, he was nearly at the motel, a worn down and sketchy establishment that, by no coincidence, shared the parking lot with the strip club. Stopping his run, he decided to walk the rest of the way, his body feeling the effects of exhaustion. This wasn't the same as when he was sixteen and had to run on nothing in order to survive.

At least there were plenty of trees to help try and distract him, the slowing having made it easier for all of the insidious thoughts to ping around his brain again.

Elliot's face was the worst of his thoughts. The way he'd looked both scared and like his heart had just been broken was burned into his mind's eye, and the sound of his voice so full of concern and worry echoed through his head, haunting him.

Then it was the vision all over again but he tried to keep from thinking about the way he'd wanted to press up against Elliot and drag his fingers along his chest and stomach.