Holding On To Hope

Chapter 20 - Shadows Of Hurt

Few days later...

Lina had barely settled into her small apartment when the sharp knock on the door startled her. She had been folding her prayer mat after finishing her evening prayers, feeling somewhat grounded after the heavy thoughts that had clouded her mind all day.

Opening the door, her heart sank as she found her mother standing there. Her eyes were cold, arms crossed over her chest like an impending storm. She hadn't seen her mother since she'd moved out, and part of her hoped that this distance would offer peace. But peace wasn't what her mother had come for.

"You've really made a mess of things, haven't you?" her mother spat as she walked into the apartment without waiting for an invitation. Lina stepped back, her pulse already quickening.

"I don't know what you mean," Lina said quietly, trying to keep her voice steady.

Her mother's gaze swept around the small apartment, full of disdain. "Look at this place. Pathetic. You think moving out is going to solve anything? That it makes you independent?" Her voice dripped with venom. "You're still as useless as ever. No amount of space will change that."

Lina swallowed hard, forcing herself to stand her ground. "I needed to be away from the toxicity," she said softly.

"Toxicity?" Her mother's laugh was sharp, almost a snarl. "You think you can blame me for your failures? For being the burden you've always been? No one's going to put up with you forever, Lina. Not Leon, not Grayson, not anyone."

Lina felt a lump form in her throat. She wanted to respond, to defend herself, but her mother's words dug deep, reopening old wounds that she hadn't yet healed from.

"Your father never wanted you, and neither do I. You're weak, selfish, and you'll always be a disappointment. No matter where you run, you'll never escape that." Her mother's words were like knives, cutting deeper with each sentence.

Tears stung Lina's eyes, but she refused to let them fall in front of her mother.

Her mother scoffed, turning her back on Lina. "You'll never be enough." With that, she left the apartment, the door slamming behind her.

As the silence settled in, Lina felt her legs give way beneath her. She sank to the floor, her body shaking with the sobs she had been holding back. Her mother's words echoed in her mind, each one more suffocating than the last. The walls of the apartment, once her sanctuary, now seemed to close in on her.

After the encounter, Lina found herself pacing her small living room, trying to shake off the feeling of despair that had settled over her like a heavy blanket. She couldn't believe her mother had come in and said those things. Her heart ached as she replayed every word in her mind, feeling the sting of each insult.

In a moment of desperation, she reached for her phone, hoping to call someone—anyone—who could offer comfort. She scrolled through her contacts and pressed on Leon's name. The phone rang, but no one answered. She tried Grayson next, but again, no response. Finally, she tried Mia. Nothing.

Feeling more alone than ever, Lina's tears blurred her vision. She sank onto her couch, gripping her phone tightly as if it could somehow provide solace. The quietness of her apartment was oppressive, and her thoughts began to spiral. Was her mother right? Was she truly a burden?

After what felt like an eternity, she managed to dry her tears and put on a brave face, but the earlier confrontation haunted her. Just when she began to calm down, her phone buzzed.

It was Leon.

Wiping her tears hastily, she answered the call. "Leon..." she tried to speak, but before she could say anything more, his voice came through, cold and distant.

"Why did you call me earlier?"

Lina froze. "I—" she started, but Leon interrupted her.

"Lina, I can't keep doing this. I'm done dealing with you."

His words hit her like a punch to the gut. "What?"

"I'm tired of this emotional baggage. Every time something happens, you expect me to pick up the pieces. I can't keep carrying this for the rest of my life."

Lina's heart pounded in her chest. "I didn't mean—"

"You're an attention seeker, Lina. You need to stop acting like a child. You've moved into your own apartment now; it's time to act like it. I don't have time to babysit you."

Lina's lips trembled. She tried to form words, to explain how much pain she was in, but all that came out was a soft, broken whisper. "I'm sorry."

There was no response. Leon hung up, leaving the line dead in her hand.

As soon as the call ended, the silence returned, but this time it was crushing. Lina's heart raced uncontrollably, her breaths coming in short, panicked gasps. Her chest tightened painfully, the familiar claws of anxiety sinking deep as the world around her blurred. She clutched at her prayer beads, trying to ground herself, but the attack was stronger than her willpower.

With trembling hands, Lina made her way to her prayer mat. She knelt down, whispering prayers between ragged breaths. "Ya Allah, please help me... please make this stop..."

As her body shook with sobs, she found herself praying for Leon too. Despite everything, despite the hurtful words he had just said, she still defended him to herself. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was too much.

The tears came again, and her whispered prayers continued through the night.